A Dozen Shorts

Do you love them enough?

2010-09-25T16:24:00.000-07:00

It's so very quiet at my house right now. Jordan is married and gone, Trevor, Madison, Moriah and Hannah are all participating in the Amazing Race at church. Hudson and Payton are at the “Lizard Church” with their friend, Abbey and Bailey went to a friend's soccer game and Dan took Max to the store. Phew! All I can hear is the sound of the dryer running, which, by the way, is music to my ears. It has been broken for the last week and just got fixed yesterday. You can imagine the massive pile of laundry that is waiting to be washed and an even bigger pile waiting to be folded. Instead, I am going to take advantage of this quiet moment to write down a few thoughts that have been “stewing” in my mind for the last couple of weeks.

All throughout our parenting journey, God has brought influential people into our lives at just the right time. Many of our questions about how to deal with different circumstances have been answered either by these people or by the example of their lives. When Jordan and Trevor were little and Madison hadn't even crossed our minds, we moved to Fresno for Dan to attend college. We found a church and a Sunday School class and began to form friendships. One of our most cherished, was the relationship we formed with the couple who taught our class. They were just older than us and had four amazing boys, the youngest of which was around ten and the oldest was in high school.

We watched this family do life. We watched how they played together, enjoyed, taught and cheered for each other. We modeled our family after them, because we saw so much that we liked in their boys. They were responsible, respectful, and fun to be with. And they loved the Lord! What more could you ask?

As time passed these boys grew up and left for college and our family grew as well. One Sunday morning, we were sitting in class. One of their sons who had finished college and was on his way to a career in professional baseball stood in front of us holding the hand of his girlfriend. Through tears, he said, “We need to make an apology.” The class was silent. No one knew what he was talking about. He went on, “We have been selfish, and now we are pregnant.” We were stunned. How could this have happened? We thought they had done everything right. We thought their family was perfect. Now what were we going to do? Our boys were eight and ten, we had planned on doing things just the way that they had. (Please don't misunderstand, the son and his girlfriend got married and now have a beautiful family. And we know there is forgiveness.)

Our parenting world had been shaken that day. We had never talked to this couple about what they had taught their boys about dating and intimacy. Up until then our concern had been about how to get our kids to obey and how to build a relationship with them that included Christ. So we decided to sit down with them and find out what they had done and what they thought they could have done differently. Thankfully, they were more than willing to talk with us. They never wanted anyone to think they were perfect or that they had all the answers. They were willing to do life with people, good or bad. Even today, I thank God for the example they set for us; not only in the good times, but also in the times of great difficulty.

Their answers to our questions came down to one thing: they should have said... They should have said something when they saw him getting too close to her. They should have been more specific in their teaching. You can't just say “sex is wrong outside of marriage” There is so much more to be said and they should have said it all. Watching them agonize over words unspoken was heart-breaking. Again, we were so thankful that they were willing to be open and vulnerable and we learned so much in those moments.

Dan and I went home from that meeting and spent hours talking about how we were going to handle this with our family. We decided that we needed to not only teach our children what is right and what is wrong, but to also equip them to flee temptation or avoid it completely. Dan decided to have “the talk” with Jordan and he decided it would be better to do it sooner than later. He gave him all the facts and told him what God expected him to do. He made sure that he knew what we expected of him and left no stone unturned. When he was finished he asked Jordan what he thought and all he said was “That's Gross!!!” And that was good. That is exactly what we expected him to say at ten years of age. Dan assured Jordan that someday he would not think it was gross anymore. I'm not sure Jordan believed Dan, but the words had been said. At 10, I think Jordan was thankful that dad had said “not until you get married” because that gave him at least 10 years to get used to the idea of these “disgusting” things.

And so it has gone since then. Each child, somewhere around 10 years of age, gets to go out and get disgusted. Dan has gone with the boys and I have gone with the girls. One of the many things I told the girls is that its as if, when they were born, that God gave us a beautiful jar; sealed and wrapped with an enormous bow. This jar is stuffed full with all kinds of candy. Each of those pieces of candy represents a kiss that belongs to you husband. For now, Dad is the keeper of your jar. He will keep it safe until you are ready to give it to your spouse. This concept seemed to be one that the girls could grasp. And just like Jordan, they were thankful that they had some time to get used to the idea. I also know that they have all been thankful that Dan has control and is their protection from boys that will come and longingly look into that jar.

We told the kids that they may not start dating until they are ready to get married. This may seem extreme and I know it puts us in that “freak” category. Yes, we are the freaks that don't let their kids date, at least not in high school. Here's the important thing, though. We did not tell them this as a rule for them to obey. We told them all the “why's” that go with it. Among other things, when you date before you are ready to get married, you are entering into temptation, and when you break up with that person (and you will break up with them), you are practicing divorce.

Let's just talk for a moment about high school relationships. Let's say they are sophomores who are 15 years old. They meet and are convinced that this is “the one”. They are completely consumed by one another. All the while, giving pieces of their heart away. So if they are indeed “the one”, they will spend two more years in high school. Even if they were to get married right out of high school, they will have spent two full years together. Unless your children are endowed with some super natural power to resist temptation, their relationship will more than likely become physical. And then what? How many high school relationships do you know of that ended in marriage? Maybe a handful. Maybe none. The likelihood is that they will break up. The pain associated with a high school break up is equal to that of a divorce.

I would also like to address another myth about dating. We have heard this comment from many people: “If your children don't date, they will not learn how to have a relationship”. Our children are learning about healthy, Godly relationships by watching Dan and I and the other married couples in our circle of friends. However and more importantly, I believe that their relationships with their siblings are an even better preparation for a marriage relationship. Hear me out. Who else will you share a room with? Who else will you share a bathroom with? Who else will you share most of your meals with? Who else will tell you when you have food in your teeth or your breath stinks? Who else will teach you how to ignore the things that irritate you? Who else will love you unconditionally? I tell my children that their relationship with their siblings is more important that any other friendship, because your brothers and sister will always be your brothers and sisters. We also tell them that when they get married it is forever. Your husband or wife will be your husband or wife forever. Divorce is not an option.

Fast forward a few years to this past summer. Just as Dan said he would, Jordan changed his mind and those things weren't so disgusting anymore. He found his wife, married her and they shared their first kiss on their wedding day. They can both fully give themselves to the other with no regrets. Neither of them had given even one kiss to any other. Her jar was still beautifully wrapped and he had not taken what did not belong to him.

So what is the purpose of this post? It is certainly not to talk about how we've done things perfectly. Far from it. I am writing because God has laid on my heart a tremendous burden for my children and your children. I have talked to so many parents about issues that they deal with when their children are young: Obedience, potty training, attitude, schedules, teaching... I have not really talked about this because I guess I felt it was slightly taboo. We homeschool our children, so I imagined people giving me the answers like “that's fine for your kids because they don't go to school, so they don't have the pressure of all of the other kids who are allowed to date.” or “its part of their high school experience”...

And just to clear up the myth that home schooled children don't have the same pressure as public school kids. Our children are involved in all kinds of activities where they have opportunity. Youth group, sports, school (our charter school has a campus where our older kids spend quite a bit of time). Our oldest daughter has already had quite a few interested boys to whom she has said, “I'm not going to date until I am ready to get married”. The boys don't understand, but she sticks to her guns because she knows its not worth the time and emotional energy.

Dear friends, this burden that I feel far out weighs the possible worldly judgement I may experience. I have been counseling a young person recently, not one of my own. I have watched as a relationship connected this person to another in an emotional way that neither of them were ready for. I have watched how painful it has been for this person to tear themselves out of that relationship and reunite with Christ. I started to realize the true damage that can be done. I have been able to be a support and encourager throughout the process.

Then a friend sent me a video that absolutely dropped me to the floor. It is a stark depiction of the battle for our children. I realized why I felt this burden so heavily. I realized as I watched this video that it was very close to the story of my life. Please take the time now to watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8IfgS9ZXQE

The very thing that pulled her away from Christ was a boy. That's where it started. It seemed harmless at first. After all, everyone in high school is doing it. But look where it went. Not only that, but I want you to really watch how hard it was for her to get back to Christ. Those things pulled on her, dragged her back, blocked her way, and threw her down. She was beaten and tormented. Only when Christ stepped in and took the beating did she find redemption. Please understand that I am not saying that if your children are in a relationship in high school that it will lead to all of those other things. But it will cause them to take their eyes off of Christ. My own story is very similar and I know that, although I didn't follow the exact path that she did, it was very difficult to find my way back and I just don't want my children to experience such pain.

I love my children. I love them enough to have the tough conversations about sex and what it does outside of marriage. I love my children enough to make the hard choice not to let them date. I love my children enough to give them the opportunity to avoid the Hell represented in this video. I love my children enough to show them what a healthy marriage looks like. I love them enough to say “you're getting too close” or ”you may not be alone together”.

So far, our children understand. They have all been “on board”. Jordan and Desiree agreed that they should not be alone. And now Trevor is following the same rules. My hope is that all of our children will follow Jordan's example. We have a long way to go, but we are ready for the task. My hope and prayer is that you will consider this for your children. It means praying for them, talking to them, and sometimes making them uncomfortable. As far as I can tell, it is worth it!!

2010-06-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

So it's my turn to sit outside Max's room while he decides that it is better for him to stay in his bed than to get out meet Mr. Consequence. It is about 90 degrees here in the hallway (no exaggeration, the AC isn't working in the back end of the house). My mind is swirling with all the things left to do in preparation for Jordan's big day; His wedding, less than two weeks away.

In the recent weeks, we have struggled trying to figure out how we can make this event all that it should be. In a sense, tradition has been thrown out the window. The current economic conditions have reeked havoc on not only our family but the bride's family as well. So we are all in this together and are making due with what we have. Much has been donated but much has yet to be paid for. And some things we will go without.

I have had sleepless nights caused by the feelings of stress and guilt for our lack of the ability to provide all the details that would make this the most amazing day of Jordan and Desiree's lives. The guilt that comes with not being able to help them pay for a honeymoon that would start their marriage off on the right foot. The guilt that they have had to sacrifice (without complaint) some of their dreams of what this day would look like because we can't afford to help them.

Up until this last weekend, I had felt buried. I had felt like a child whose blanket tent collapsed and now is flailing trying to find the way out. The child can hear her daddy calling and knows he is near, but she can't quite get out from under the layers she had so skillfully crafted so she could see him.

I was that child. I was buried under “details”. Details like: “is it ok not to give everyone a spoon? We're not serving anything that should be eaten with a spoon so would people be offended by not getting a spoon?” or “is it ok to toast with pink lemonade or must we get sparkling cider for everyone? (its silly I know, just bear with me) These were the things that had buried me to the point that I could not see God.

I knew God was there, I could hear His voice, but I just couldn't see Him...Until this weekend.

My younger sister thought it would be a good idea to have a weekend at my parents' mountain house with Desiree and her mom and sister. It was going to be a weekend that would include myself, my three older daughters, my two sisters and their daughters and my mom. It was going to be a time to build relationships before the wedding so that when that day came we would not all be strangers. Let's call it a “Welcome to the Family” weekend.

The wedding details had consumed last week and before I knew it, it was Thursday and Dan and I were trying to figure out how I was going to get myself and my girls up to the cabin. You see, our van is a gas guzzler, our more economical Mazda wasn't running, and our Honda's tires were too bald to drive. Dan handed me some money and said “This is all we have. Its enough to fill the tank in the van or get tires on the Honda and enough gas to get you there. Go get tires on the Honda”. I went to the tire store and told the guy how much I could spend and that I needed two tires...nothing more, nothing less. After looking at the tires on the Honda and telling me how bad they were, he proceeded to try to sell me the whole skinkin' store. Maybe he didn't hear me. I reiterated the amount of money and my need for only two tires. After refusing his attempts at in-store financing, I was finally able to make him understand my plight. His final offer was more than I had in my hand. I stood at the counter with a decision to make : panic or trust God. At that moment I chose to trust God. I walked out without the tires and prayed all the way home that God would show me His will. Within a few hours, we had all piled into Desiree's mom's suburban and we were on our way together.

The three hour ride was the first of many blessings this weekend. It was a great time to talk and share family stories and laugh. And it was just a taste of what we could expect for the rest of the weekend. We did lots of girl things; watched 27 Dresses, ate food, talked about boys, ate food, and went to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. Saturday, we showered Desiree with gifts. She is now a prepared bride with something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.... She is prepared to strain veggies, make spaghetti and slice avocados. (by the way...I want one of those avocado slicers!!) We swam, ate, played games, and ate some more.

Still, I had this feeling that I was buried. I could hear God, I knew He is there. I could feel Him in the laughter, but I just couldn't see Him.

After dinner on Saturday night, my sister suggested that we pray for Desiree and Jordan and for their future together. So all eleven of us gathered around Desiree and we began to pray. I closed my eyes. My sister prayed, then silence. My other sister prayed and then was joined by Desiree's mom. More silence. I prayed and expected that we would be done. The next silence was broken by my oldest daughter Madison, then my niece Catherine and finally Desiree through tears offered a prayer of thanksgiving. While she was praying, I opened my eyes. I looked at Madison and saw tears rolling down her cheeks. I was my sisters and nieces with their hands on Desiree's shoulders and I saw Desiree holding her mother's hand. At that very moment...I saw God. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

All of the “details” faded away and I saw what was important. Who cares if our guests get spoons and who cares if we toast with pink lemonade. I found my way out from under the blankets!! I can see God!! I know what is important!! God is bringing two souls together forever for His Glory!!! Thank you, God, for showing me your face. It is beautiful...

An Unexpected Blessing

2010-05-10T00:52:00.000-07:00

I had a very interesting Mother's Day. It started with lots of "Happy Mother's Day" wishes from all of my children. The rest of the day was pretty low key and relaxed. We were all sitting outside before dinner when there was a knock at the door. It was D (a little boy that lives in our neighborhood) wanting to wish me a happy mother's Day. We told the kids to invite him in to hang out with us until dinner was ready. After one more trip to the door, the kids came back to tell us that he had asked to stay for dinner. Sure! What's one more plate at the table, right?

So we set another place and D joined us. He was very somber for a long time. Nevertheless, we included him in our meal: steak, salad, bread, prayer, and lots of conversation... As often is the case at our dinner table, laughter erupted. I looked over to see how D was doing and saw a little smile that soon turned into laughter. He stayed at our house until the street lights came on and my boys walked him home (a ritual that happens about 4 nights a week).

Let me help you better understand where D comes from. Two years ago he lost his big brother in a bike vs. car accident. A year later his world was shattered again when his father took his mother's life. He has been a part of our lives since shortly after he lost his mom. He plays here, eats here, works here, gets disciplined here and he keeps coming back! I have been blessed today by a little boy who is not my own. He blessed me with three words that, coming from him, meant so much. I thank God for my children who all loved on me today in different ways. I also thank God for a little added perspective on what being a mother is all about.

Be Blessed today!!

Trina

Don't doubt

2010-01-24T14:21:00.000-08:00

I know that there are lots of preconceived ideas about our family. Mostly because the general public doesn't spend a lot of time hanging out at our house. The only time people see us is at church or school or at the park, etc...where our children are on their best behavior. It would be easy to make the mistake of thinking that our children behave like angels at home too, but home is the training ground and therefore the place where the boundaries are tried and tested. In an effort to “keep it real” I thought it would be a good idea to share some of our current struggles and how we are dealing with them.

Maximus is our youngest. He is such a blessing. I know that God gave me Max to keep me humble and help me remember what it's like to raise a high-energy, independent, fearless yet trainable little boy. Max is two and loves adventure, especially the kind that happens outside. He recently figured out that if he moved something close enough to the door that he could climb up and open the bolt lock that, up until this time, had been his barrier to the outside world. Not long ago, we were busy schooling and, as I do all day every day, I sounded the “where's Max” alarm. Nothing good happens in the absence of his noise so we immediately began to search. Initially, the inside was covered and Max was nowhere to be found, so we all went in a different direction outside. I went out the front door and started walking down the street. Before I could get out of our yard, I heard his little voice. At first it was difficult to figure out where the sound was coming from, but I could tell that he was not in distress. I followed the sweet sound of what I could now decipher as singing. We live on a little more than two acres so it took me a little while to get to him. As I came around the back I could see him clearly. He was in the far back corner of the property, sitting on the top of the well pump. He was facing away from me swinging his legs and singing a song, totally oblivious to the fact that we had been searching for him.

Despite our efforts to contain him, he managed to escape again after that. I realized at that point that I was going to need to be proactive. I decided that everyday for a week when Max woke up, I would take him to the door with a wooden spoon in my hand (a “consequence” with which he is well-acquainted). I would point to the door and tell him “no”. I would explain to him in as few words as possible that he may not go outside without someone big. Then I would make him point to the door and say “no, no”. As always, I had doubts that these tactics would work (I'm not sure why...I see results everyday), but I would be diligent to make it happen. ( just a side note: I believe doubt keeps parents from doing what the know they need to do)

I began on a Monday and by Wednesday he had stopped going out the door. There was even a time when I secretly followed him to the back door and witnessed what I believe is one of the small miracles of motherhood. He walked to the door and stood there staring, contemplating his next move. I waited, ready to issue the appropriate consequences. Then...music to my ears...he pointed to the door and said “no, no”!! and he walked away!! Praise the Lord!!! He got it!!! Why did I ever doubt?

As with all two year olds, Max needs reminders. About once a week I take him to the door and we have a refresher course on what will happen if he goes out the door by himself. And as with all two year olds, he tests us to see if that boundary still remains. He is a smart little guy who needs adventure. We make sure that he gets a chance as often as possible to go outside and play. He loves running and climbing and getting really dirty and that is OK. God created that in him and will use that to His glory someday. I'm not sure how, but I will cling to that and do my job. Train him, guide him and keep him around long enough to see how God uses him.

Blessings,

Trina

The Long Drive Home

2010-01-17T12:02:00.000-08:00

This past Saturday, Dan, Jordan and I drove down to Los Angeles to send Jordan off for a semester in Israel. Dan had driven down in the wee hours of the morning so it was my turn to take the wheel so he could get some rest. As he slept, I had several hours to reflect on how far we've come since Jordan was born.

When we found out that we were expecting our first baby, I remember being ecstatic. We were so excited at the thought of actually starting our family. Will it be a boy or a girl? Will he look like Dan or like me? What color will his hair be? What will it be like to care of a baby that is my own? What kind of mother will I be? How am I going to do this? Oh, no....The excitement soon turned to the realization that I was going to be the number one person this baby would depend on for everything. I also realized that I had minimal experience as a parent ...ok no experience. A sense of panic set in. How could I possibly give him everything he needs? How will I even know what he needs?....

So I began to pray.

I prayed for the usual things a mother might pray: that he would be strong and healthy, that he would have all of his fingers and toes. I prayed that we would be diligent in teaching him the word of God and that he would come to know Christ at a young age. And just to cover all the bases, I prayed that God would give me wisdom in all the areas that I was lacking (which were many).

Jordan was born on March 24, 1990. We brought him home and began to care for and love him. During one of his feedings in the early morning before the sun was up, I remember sitting in the rocking chair in his room. I loved those quiet, peaceful moments. I spent a lot of that time just thanking God for the blessing that He had given us. As I held him in my arms I realized that at that moment, somewhere in the world, someone could be holding a little baby girl who may someday grow up to be his wife. I was overwhelmed with that thought and was compelled to begin to pray for her. I started praying the same prayers for her that I did for my own son; that she be healthy and strong, that she be well taken care of and safe, and that she be raised in a Christian home where she will be taught the word of God and come to know Him at an early age.

My prayers for her have changed as Jordan changed. As I saw his personality emerge, I prayed for his future wife. I knew she would need to be a good listener because Jordan liked to talk. I knew that she would need to be humble because Jordan had an unusual sense of humility. At age 12, when he decided to become a pastor, my prayers for her changed. I knew that it would take a very special woman to be the wife of a pastor. It would take someone independent and strong, yet endearing and friendly.

In the Spring of 2008, we noticed Jordan paying special attention to a certain young lady. Her parents noticed as well and her father called and asked Dan, Jordan and myself over for dinner. We spent the evening getting to know them and having a discussion about what it looks like to have a Christian dating relationship. At one point in the evening I excused myself to use the restroom. As I walked down the hallway, I noticed all of the pictures. As many families do, they had a beautiful collection of photos of all of their children. I admired their handsome family and moved on.

Jordan and Desiree spent that summer getting to know each other. Under the watchful eyes of both families, they developed a special friendship and then, sadly, said goodbye in the fall when Jordan went away to school. They continued to nurture their long-distance relationship throughout the year and continued to see each other throughout the next summer. By the time Jordan was ready to go back to school again, we knew what his intentions were. He expressed to us his desire to make Desiree his wife. We told him to pray and ask God for guidance and timing and all of the details that would be involved in such a proposal. By Thanksgiving, Jordan had a ring and during Christmas break, he proposed to Desiree and she accepted.

Shortly after that, Dan, Jordan and I were invited to her parents house. Once again we sat down over a meal just as we had done a year and a half earlier, except this time we were planning a wedding!! We reminisced about the first time we sat around that table and how much fun the last 18 months had been. We talked about their future together and how God is faithful and will provide for all things.

I excused myself from the table, except this time it was not to visit the restroom. I slowly walked down the hallway looking at each picture. I quickly found what I had been looking for. I found the sweet face of the baby girl I had been praying for 19 years ago. I found the pretty little girl who would be a good listener. I found the teenager who would be strong and independent and I found the beautiful, humble, young woman who will be my son's bride.

19 years ago I began to pray for this faceless person as an expectant mother prays for a baby she has yet to meet. God is faithful! I have met her and she is beautiful! Her name is Desiree and we are happy to add her to our family.

So why did I name this post "The Long Drive Home"? It might seem as though it was the drive home from LA that prompted the name. But as I thought through the last 19 years, it has been a long drive. We prayed so specifically and God answered so specifically. We pray consistently and God answer consistently. We prayed unswervingly and God answer unswervingly. I have seen the answers and have hope for answers with my other children. I am currently traveling down 9 other roads, each with their own set of prayers. I can't wait to see God's faithfulness in His choice of the other 9 spouses.

Blessings!

Trina

soccer moms and teenagers

2009-10-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

I was at Madison's soccer game this week. It was a very interesting game; not because of anything that happened on the field, but because of what I heard on the sidelines. Our schedule was busy this Saturday so I had the rare opportunity to be at the game by myself. Usually we bring a whole cheering section, and, needless to say, I don't hear much of the other conversations happening around me. So this was indeed a rare occasion. So I was sitting there minding my own business...OK I was eves dropping...anyway, I was stunned by what I heard. Two moms who were sitting behind me were talking about their teenagers. They were complaining about how hard they were to deal with. This, of course, piqued my curiosity...considering that I currently have four teenagers. They continued and one talked about how teenagers almost have no choice but to be difficult because "they have access to so much these days." (I will address this in a moment) The other emphatically agreed and told about her son who is hanging out with a group of friends who have been getting in trouble for drinking. Of course, she assured her friend, her son wasn't drinking. He was just hanging out with the boys who were. (seriously???) There were lots more stories shared between these two moms; one whose son wrecked their car, another of a texting conversation that went something like this:

mom: So what are you guys doing tonight?

son: noyb (translation for those of you "non-texters":none of your business.)

mom: what time will you be home?

son: idk (translation: I don't know)

and so on...

I have been thinking about that conversation ever since then and have been completely convicted. (You know I'm feeling strongly about something when it actually makes me sit down and blog about it...but let's not talk about how long its been!) This whole situation absolutely grieves me! It makes me so sad for the kids and even a little angry at the parents. (Ok a lot angry!)

I would like to address a few things right off the bat:

First of all, those teenagers only have access to the things that you allow. Do you have computers? Where are they? Maybe they have their own computer and its in their room. Do you have cable/comcast/satellite? Maybe they have a TV in their room. Do they have a cell phone? Maybe its an iphone with complete access to whatever they want to look at whenever they want to look at it. This list could go on and on. Now before you put yet another freak feather in my already blooming freak hat, we are not anti-technology. We own computers and cell phones. We don't have cable TV, but not because we are against it. We have to cut corners somewhere and that is one of the corners we have to cut. However, our computers are only to be used in public places and our phones don't have internet access. One of our sons has an itouch that does have internet access, but he understands that it will randomly be checked by his father to see where he has been and what he has been looking at. That's called accountability! Any internet in our home (facebook, email, itouch...) comes with accountability.

Secondly, if that mom (or any other, for that matter) truly believes that her son hangs out with the other guys who are known for drinking heavily and is not drinking, I've got a bridge to sell her!! Honestly, how much fun could that possibly be? The only time it's fun to hang out with buddies who are sauced is when you've thrown back a few cold ones yourself. (not that I have any experience at all) ...moving on

And how about that texting conversation? As long as you are living under my roof, IT IS MY BUSINESS!!! (My father's voice is echoing in my head right now) My guess is that the cell phone is being paid for by the parents and the car he used to get to the party belongs to or was paid for by his parents as well....and the insurance...and the gas...

Honestly though, as crazy as it sounds, these things are irrelevant. These parents could make all the rules and regulations in the world and it won't make a difference. The very sad fact is that they have already lost these kids. Does that sound brutal?! It is!! My heart breaks for these families yet I don't think they even realize what they are missing.

This is the point that my mind has gone back to again and again this week. I have been considering my own family and how much I enjoy my four teenagers. I love who they are. I love who they are becoming. I love spending time with them, talking to them, listening to them. I love watching them contemplate what God is doing in their lives and talking through hard choices with friends or at school. I love hearing their heart. Teenagers are on the verge of life. It is as exciting to me as the moments just before they were born and watching them take their first breath.

So why is it so different for me than for these moms at the soccer game and so many others like them? I'm not sure I have the answer to that, but I can tell you what I know. Dan and I have not done everything right. We are 100% consistant in one thing....making mistakes. However, we have the Bible, the inspired word of God to guide us and that is what we have turned to for guidance. We believe that children are a blessing from the Lord based on Psalm 127 and that blessings are intended to be enjoyed. But how did we get to this place? Why do I enjoy them so much? Why do they talk to me? These are the questions that have been floating around my head and honestly, I'm not sure that I can even get all of my thoughts down in writing without writing a novel, but I'll try.

1. Discipline

OK...I know for sure this could be a whole book by itself....maybe someday.......For now,

God calls us to discipline our children. Proverbs is full of verses about discipline - what happens if you do and what happens if you don't - the internet is a great resource to look up bible verses (biblegateway.com is a great resource for looking up verses or doing word studies in the bible) Hebrews 13 is also a great chapter on discipline. For the sake of time I will some it up. If you love your children and want what's best for them, discipline them. God disciplines those he loves. How much do you love your children? Discipline is not pleasant for anyone involved, but beneficial for all. Children need you to be the parent. They need to know their boundaries. They need to know they are loved.

2. Fellowship

Discipline is important, discipline without relationship is tyranny. The unwritten rule at our house is that for every time you discipline one of the children, you must spend twice that amount of time in sweet fellowship with them. We call it the "2fer". (Two for One) Your children need to know that you honestly enjoy them. You need to spend face to face time with them. Play with them, walk with them, laugh with them, hug them, tickle them, tell them you love them. These are my favorites: play in the mud with them, jump on the bed with them, build tree forts with them, shoot spud guns with them....Make them feel like there is no other place you would rather be than right here on the floor building Legos or playing Polly Pockets. Smile at them!! If you have a two-year-old you are thinking to yourself right now "when was the last time I smiled at them?" Don't feel bad, it's not too late...ok maybe it's too late tonight, but start the day by smiling at them and telling them that you love them!

3. Be a part of their world

Those moms were right. Kids have access to a lot of negative, influential things these days. How will you know what they are listening to, watching, reading if you don't participate in their lives? Of course I'm talking about older kids now, but one of the things that we decided to do was to be one step ahead of our children in the music they listen to. So we pay attention to what is popular. We buy the cds first and we actually listen to them. Yes, even the screamo. Here's the kicker...we honestly like it. If you listen to something long enough, you might just find that you like it. We get excited about movies with them, we read books together... I think there are a lot of parents who live completely separate lives from their children. In fact, sadly, I think that is more the norm that I might want to even know. All I can say is that's not the case for us. And the result? "Dad, me and my friends are going to the movies. Do you want to come with us?" "Mom, you should come with us to summer camp. It's so much fun!!!" Our children choose to spend time with us. They choose to talk to us. They ask us to come with them when they go to the movies. They want us to be a part of their lives. We are not intruding on their "privacy". I can't imagine any of our children when asked "what are you guys doing" ever saying "None of your business"!! And I hope never to hear those words.

I guess I should probably put a "to be continued..." on this post because we only have four teenagers right now, six more to come. I'm sure we are not finished learning, because, Lord knows we are far from perfect. Lots of people have come to me and warned me about the teenage years, especially because we have three girls very close in age. "Just wait until they are teenagers." they would say. Well, I'm here...they are teenagers and I'm lovin'it!! Of course there are days full of hormones and tears, but they are talking to me about it and they know that home is a safe place where they are loved and accepted and cherished and I honestly believe there is no place they would rather be. If you don't believe me...ask them!!

Blessings,

Trina

Lessons in Tough

2009-04-22T21:52:00.001-07:00

I recently had the opportunity to teach at our church about raising warriors, not wimps. As usual, I feel like I learned more than I taught. There is never enough time to teach all that I learned. Dan and I have always felt it was necessary to raise our children with a certain amount of physical fortitude. We don't spend a whole lot of time lamenting the injuries. In fact unless there is a bone sticking out, blood pulsing out, or a loss of consciousness, the kids know where the ice and the Bandaids are. Our children know that the biggest owie of the day gets a reward or at least a whole lot of recognition. "Rub some dirt on it." is a phrase you might hear one of my children say to another after a fall. For the most part they don't even stop unless there is gravel embedded in the gash and then just long enough to wipe it off. In fact, I believe when it comes to "injury show and tell", Jordan proudly shows off the gravel that he carries in his hip to this day from a fall about ten years ago. Apparently he waited too long to wipe it off.

As I studied to teach about raising warriors, I did some research on the computer. I looked up - Christian persecution in America 2009. I was stunned to find more examples than I had time to read. (you can look it up for yourself if you want) Suffice it to say that I now have a fire under me to make sure that my children know the Word of God and have the guts to stand up for it. I found out that in Virginia, it is illegal for the chaplains of the police department to pray in Jesus' name. In Colorado, they have made it illegal to print the bible because of the anti-homosexual content. The list goes on. So the question is how important is it to raise tough children? What is the world going to look like 20 or 30 years down the road. Will our pastors be allowed to pray in Jesus' name? Will our churches be allowed to possess bibles? Will we our children be allowed to raise their children according to the Word of God? Food for thought, huh?

Are you beginning to see why we may need to be intentional about our lessons in tough? As hard as it is to consider, our children are probably going to experience persecution on a greater level than we have (which is almost none). I want my children to be ready. That doesn't mean we are going to "practice" persecution or even talk a lot about it.

I believe that our society has encouraged weakness in children. They are spending too much time indoors watching TV, playing video games or logging on to their favorite gaming website (hopefully that's all they are logging onto, another subject for another time). Send them outside!! Tell them to go out and get dirty!! The dirtier, the better!! And then celebrate the filth!!! If your worried about the dirt coming in, that's what the hose is for. What? The water is too cold? Tough!!!

When I was growing up, we had big wheels and roller skates. Remember those? Do you know what happened to them? They put motors in them. Now even a two year old doesn't have to learn to peddle! They can get in the mini-jeep and push a button and it does the work for them!! Scooters, jeeps, quads and motorcycles can all be bought with a real motor that makes them go. Personally, the thought of my two year old, Max, behind the wheel of one of those bad boys sends chills down my spine. We don't own any battery-powered ride-on toys. My children have enough energy to make their toys go and, as far as I'm concerned, its energy meant to be burn outside not in my living room!

Recently our oldest, Jordan, came home from college on break. He informed My husband and me that we had gone soft on our two younger boys, Hudson (10) and Payton (8). He said they were not as tough as he and Trevor had been at their age. I don't happen to agree, but that's OK. Jordan decided to institute something he called "Dude Cards". He made up 12 little cards that say DUDE on them. He gave 6 to Hudson and 6 to Payton and told them that if they do anything "girly" they will get a dude card taken away. The younger boys eagerly agreed and the fun began. In talking to them later, I discovered what constituted a "girly" thing. For instance, if you see a spider and scream like a girl, you will lose a dude card. If you sing and shake your bootie....dude card. And my favorite, if you skip away from a dude meeting....dude card. When they lose all of the dude cards, they get punched in the arm and called a "girl" and then get their dude cards back.

Silly as this seems, it has made a big difference in our boys. I love that our older boys are taking responsibility for teaching their little brothers this kind of lesson. I love that they see the importance of it. I love that they have made it a priority in their lives. How important is it for our boys to know they are tough? Have you ever seen your boys puff up their chest and take pride in something? or even stick up for something or someone? That is what they should do!! That is what it takes to defend the Truth.

Our boys need to grow up to be hard working, spiritually strong, Godly men who know how to be the leader of their family and stand up for what's right in their community. They need to be willing to do what it takes to provide for their family not matter what. So the question is, do your boys know how to work hard? Are they willing to break a sweat to get the job done? Maybe your boys are too young for that. If they can walk, they are old enough to learn to be tough!! If you are a mom who gasps every time your toddler toddles, consider a different response. When they fall, try saying "good job!". Wait and let them check for themselves. Encourage them to rub it or wipe dirt on it or do an owie dance or whatever helps them cope. You will be surprised by how resilient they can be. Our youngest rarely even slows down when he falls. The fall and recovery are all one movement and he seldom stops to check for any blood. His baths usually include a wound discovery time where he calls them to my attention, to which I always respond, "Wow, that's awesome!!!" I give him a high five and tell him how tough he is.

When they are young, the girls are treated the same way. We do NOT have dude cards for the girls, but we celebrate injuries and their ability to overcome. They don't have a problem being tough. Eve took care of that. There is nothing pleasant about becoming a woman. It involves its own lessons in tough that we won't go into. Let's just say that they learn how to be tough in a different way and, so far, they have risen to the occasion (not that they had a choice!)

I guess we should have a big "No Wimps Allowed" sign hanging on our door because we treat any visitor the same way. I have overheard our children telling the neighborhood children to get up and get over it so they can keep playing. The interesting thing about that is the visitors usually do get up and the fun continues.

After having spoken on this subject, I realized that regardless of what the future holds, I want my children to be spiritually, emotionally and physically strong. It is to their benefit and that of their future families. Jordan is studying to be a pastor. I realize now that that pastor who is standing in the pulpit of the future may need to have the guts to preach from the Word of God and pray in Jesus' name even if the law forbids it. Does he have what it takes to do that? Absolutely!! I am proud to say, he is proving his "Dudeitude". Trevor is hoping to be a firefighter and Hudson and Payton have only been punched once each since Christmas. They are quick studies!

Have a great day!!

Trina

ps. don't forget to visit our new website and see the services we offer. I have included a link (Fresh Perspective) under the picture of Max. Blessings!!!

Bear Poo

2008-10-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

OK . . . I know it’s been awhile. I hope you will forgive me and not give up on visiting here. Lots of life has happened in the last few months. God continues to be faithful to us and reveal just enough of His plan for us to act on but not enough to scare the wits out of us.

I have been speaking a lot and have had some unforgettable experiences. As I have said before, my passion is to help moms to be able to enjoy their children more. Drawing from my own “what NOT to do” stories, I have been able to encourage many in the direction of loving fellowship with their children. What you probably don’t know is that having the privilege to teach benefits the teacher more than the students. The time I have spent with my own children in fellowship has been unbelievable.

When I speak to a group, I often teach that all the discipline in the world is meaningless if you are not spending time in fellowship. If all you do as a parent is discipline you may have an outwardly obedient child, but inside they will surely be harboring feelings of anger or bitterness. I know that is not what I want for my children, so I am determined to spend more time in fellowship than in correction. Of course, if your child is two there are not enough hours in the day to ensure that fellowship to correction ratio. That’s OK. That stage will end and if you are diligent to train them, they will emerge as an enjoyable three-year-old.

So what is fellowship? I’m not sure exactly what it will look like for you, but I know that it includes laughing until you cry, talking until you are hoarse, and smiling right into their souls! Sometimes it is planned and many times it is spontaneous. Sometimes it is one-on-one and other times it is ten-on-one. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that they see and feel me enjoy them for who God made them to be.

We recently went up to the mountains to visit with family. After all of the festivities had ended, Dan and I took our children out on a Geocaching adventure. Geocaching is like a worldwide treasure hunt. The treasures are called caches and they are hidden all over the world. You go on the internet (www.geocaching.com) and type in your address or coordinates. The computer will then show you all of the caches in your area. You type into your GPS (if you have one) the longitude and latitude of the various caches and your GPS will guide you to the treasure. It is usually a box of varying size with little toys inside. The idea is that you take a toy, leave a toy and sign the log. That day, we found one on a mountain top hidden by the “lone pine”. The view was amazing! We found another one at the local burger place and another on the side of the road hidden in a street sign.

It was starting to get towards dinner time and the little ones were getting hungry, so we made our way back to the cabin. When we got there Dan said he would watch the younger ones so that I could take the older ones to find some more caches. (My husband is awesome!!) He didn’t have to ask me twice (I love geocaching) I set out with Trevor (16), Madison (14), Moriah (13), Hannah (11), Hudson (10) and Payton (8). We got in the van a drove as far as we could in the direction of this treasure. The paved road ended and was blocked by a fence so we got out and started walking. The sun had gone down but there was still enough light to see clearly where we were going. I made a comment to the kids that I thought was hilarious: “This is just like those stories you hear where someone says “My family went geocaching and I never saw them again””. My older kids thought it was funny too, but my two younger boys said, “Mom, that’s not funny!!!” We walked along the path for a little while talking as we went. Trevor and Hudson were walking ahead holding the GPS so all the rest of us had to do was follow them until we got close enough to look for the cache.

Suddenly I heard Trevor say “Oh, Crud!!” I looked up just as Hudson started to scream and run in my direction. I saw what he thought was a wolf (really a dog that I have to admit startled me at first with its wolf-like appearance). Just as I noticed the dog tag around his neck Hudson had reached Payton (who had fallen behind a little) and now joined Hudson in his screaming panic party. In an attempt not to upset the dog anymore, I told Hudson and Payton to be quiet. Of course I might not have said it with those words, but I got my point across. The dog stopped in his tracks. . . looked at all of us who were stopped in our tracks . . . looked behind him . . . and then walked right by us like we weren’t even there. I looked back at Hudson and Payton who were trembling and said, “OK. Let’s go!” All of the other kids were ready to keep going, while Hudson and Payton were begging to go home. I knew that I needed to encourage them to be brave because this would more than likely be an adventure that they would want to tell Dad about. I convinced them that the dog belonged to someone and that we weren’t in any danger. After all, what kind of mother would I be if I lead them into peril? They didn’t believe me. They started talking about all of the wild animals that lived in the forest and that bears had been sited in the area recently (last summer) and there could be mountain lions and cougars and Lion and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!!!

As any mother would have done, I continued in search of our cache. Oh, yeah . . . and did I mention it was getting dark? We came to a fork in the road where the GPS couldn’t decide which direction to send us. As we stood there while Trevor waited for it to make up its mind, Hudson and Payton got more and more nervous. They were glued to my sides, still discussing the wildlife, accept now Trevor was involved. Hudson said adamantly, ”There are NO bears here!”
To which Trevor replied, “Yes there are. Look over there is bear poo.”
We all went closer to the suspicious pile on the ground. On closer examination (not too close) it did indeed look like a pile of poo belonging to a very large animal. (bigger than a cow pie) Hudson rushed up to the pile determined to prove he was right and said, “This is NOT bear poo!!!” as he picked up the pile and threw in back to the ground. Fortunately, it was an old “specimen” and it just turned to dust. I think Hudson expected it to be a big piece of wood so when it didn’t react the way a piece of wood would react when thrown, he decided it was definitely time to go home.

Because I have keen negotiating skills, I was able to convince him to stick with the rest of us and he would be OK. The bear that was responsible for that pile was gone by now. Somehow, the thought of walking back to the van by himself or even with Payton who was more than willing to go back with him, was not appealing and he stayed with us.

Unfortunately, this story will have to be continued because it eventually did get too dark for us to see. We did find a shovel that we assume was to be used to dig up the cache, so we are all very excited to go back hopefully before the first snowfall.

Hudson and Payton recovered and even slept in their own beds that night. They talk about that adventure fondly and even with a little bit of pride. They are looking forward to the next time we go up to the mountains so we can continue the hunt and come home with the prize.

That, my friends, is fellowship! Are you ready for it? Are you willing to be creative, to think outside the box? It doesn’t have to be geocaching. It could be making mud in the back yard. It could be making cookies in the kitchen. It could be building a tree house or maybe a gingerbread house, planting a garden or even going shopping. Your children are a gift from the Lord and they deserve to be enjoyed!! Isn’t that what gifts are for?

Enjoy!!
Trina

A Strange Feeling

2008-08-21T19:22:00.000-07:00

Today was our first day back at school. I have been spending the last couple of weeks planning and organizing and arranging to prepare for this day. Even with all of that preparation, there was something unexpected. For the first time since we started schooling the children, 12 years ago, Jordan was not involved. He spent his day packing all his stuff to go away to school. Every once in awhile he would pop his head in and ask if I knew where something was or ask if I needed someone to make lunch or sometimes just stand there with nothing to say. I can’t really put my finger on it, but it was a strange feeling. I guess I’m realizing the enormity of this change that is about to occur in our family. I’m not sad that he is leaving although I will certainly miss him. That’s for sure. I am not nervous about sending him away. I am confident that he will make wise choices and I will pray to that end daily. I am excited for him to be challenged academically. I am excited for him to get out on his own and be independent. I am excited to see how God is going to use him to further His kingdom.

So why does it feel so strange? Starting Saturday, the face of our family will change forever. It has changed ten times before when we left to go to the hospital and came home with another precious little face. I guess we have grown accustomed to that kind of change. I remember having a conversation with Dan when I was 9 months pregnant with Jordan. We talked about the fact that once we leave for the hospital we won’t come back the same. Two will be three. Then two and a half years later we talked about three becoming four, then four becoming five . . . then eleven becoming twelve and our family was complete. We have fully enjoyed our “wholeness” for 17 months with no regrets, only peace in God’s sovereign will.

Psalms 127: ”Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep. Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth, How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with the enemies in the gate.

God chose to fill Dan’s quiver to capacity with ten arrows. Up until now we have been preparing our children for such a day as this. We have been teaching, training, discipling and loving them according to God’s word. We have made choices for them that were contrary to the philosophies of this world. We have prayed for them and prayed for them and then prayed some more. All of this, in anticipation of the day when we will launch the offensive. (My husband tells me that arrows are an offensive weapon) Saturday is that day!! Jordan has proven himself worthy.

So what is that strange feeling? It’s very similar to the feeling I had when we were anticipating Jordan’s birth. Our family will not be the same when we return from Southern California. We will be leaving one behind, releasing him to do God’s will as it pertains to him. In a sense twelve will become eleven. I am not sad about this . . . maybe a little sentimental . . . but not sad. I am excited. I look forward to the day when he returns with his stories of the “battle field”. He may even come back to live here with us again, but not as our son whom we control; as a man of God with a purpose of his own. Eighteen years ago, I looked into his little face with wonder at what God created and then gave to us, now I look at his whiskered face with wonder at what God is going to do with His amazing creation.

Now dry yours eyes as will I, celebrate with us as we start down a new path and pray for Jordan as the Holy Spirit prompts you.

Trina

Picture Day

2008-08-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

Just sharing some pictures!! Now you will have faces to go with all the names. Some close friends of ours came over and took these. Thanks Tovsruds!! If anyone would like their number let me know!!

One Dozen Shorts!

Payton age 7

Hannah age 11

Moriah age 12

Hudson age 10 and

Madison age 14

Trevor age 15

(16 next week)

Jordan age 18

Off to college in 2 weeks

Maximus age 16 mos

Bailey age 6 and

Abigail age 3

Here we are!

Dan and Trina

age . . . unimportant!!!

This is what we did after a hard day of work!!

Amazing memories!! What's not to love?!?

Knee Deep 2

2008-07-25T11:23:00.000-07:00

I love my Life!!! Just since I sat down to write I have been asked to admire a beautiful coloring creation by Abigail (3), swaddle a baby doll, and tie some shoes. Then Bailey came in with the masterpiece she had been working on all morning. She set it down on the chair next to me. It was carefully wrapped in one of my kitchen towels. As she slowly unwrapped it I could see the pride and excitement in her eyes. She was consumed by the anticipation of my response. "What a beautiful mud pie!!" I said. She had filled a frisbee with mud of just the right consistancy then arranged leaves on the top and used a lego to make designs on the part of the mud that was not covered with leaves. I got up from the computer right away and took her outside to take her picture. I wanted my response to match her enthusiasm. I asked her to tell me how she made it and where she got the mud and why she chose that dirt and how much water she used. I wanted her to know that the mud pie she had been working on all morning was just as important as the work I was doing on the computer. Right now she is playing happily outside again and I am doing what I need to on the computer.

That situation could have played out in a very different manner. She was the fourth or fifth interruption I had experienced in the five minutes I had been sitting at the computer. She used one of my kitchen towels and it was covered with mud, not to mention she had an entire frisbee full of mud inside my house!! Those are the thoughts I had in the back of my mind as we had this exchange. I guess that goes to show that I am human after all. I just knew that she needed for her work to be appreciated and that was more important than anything I could have been reading or writing.

That has nothing to do with what I sat down to write today, but it's a great start. This is the continuation of my post "Knee Deep". Thanks to the faithfulness of God and the prayers of many, we have been allowed to dwell beneath the shadow of His wings. What an amazing feeling!

Shortly after Dan found out that his company was going out of business and he had lost his job, someone called from church. They told us that the church had a job available. It was part time now with the possibility of full time in the future and he could start right now. Dan went in to talk to the people at church to find out exactly what the job was (Facilities Manager) and what it entailed. He came home that night with lots to talk about. We spent a long time talking and praying about what God had in store for us. Dan was struggling with this decision. His desire was simply to be in the will of God. But part time will not pay the bills. Full time will be closer but will still leave a bit of a deficit. On the other hand, any money coming in is better than no money. So many things to consider.

From the beginning, we have been able to see the fingerprints of God on this situation, so Dan decided he was going to go through the doors that were opened to him. Dan accepted the job at the church. Shortly after he had started, Dan called me from work. He said that he was handed an envelope today. It contained cash and a letter that basically said that while there was a need, we could expect this gift every month. . . There was a long pause. . . Pretty soon Dan said, "Hello? . . .Hello?" I couldn't even speak. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. God is faithful! I already knew that. He has proven it over and over. So why was I surprised? Why does it ever surprise us when God does what he says he will do? I'm not sure what the answer is to that question. I know that there are probably some real deep thinkers that might have an idea. But, for me, I know that I am going to wrap my simple mind around the fact that God is faithful. I will build a monument here that will remind me of what He did for us.

I don't envy Dan's position in our family. He is responsible for so much; financially, spiritually, emotionally. I am thankful that Dan's desire to be a Godly man is what drives him. I know that not all women can say that of their husbands and I consider myself blessed. We are on an adventure but we can't see where we are going. What I need to concentrate on is the scenery. As a close friend of mine says, we are just in the back seat coloring, waiting for the next destination. I will try to resist the temptation to tell God which direction I think He should go. His way is best. Besides, a big arm would reach over the seat and point to the yellow crayon and say "Your picture needs a little more color". So I'm coloring and looking out the window at all of the beautiful scenery. I see beautifully colored pictures, baby dolls sweetly swaddled and even mud pies with leaves and lego imprints. . . THAT is God's will for me.

Trina

In The Mood for a Good Cry?

2008-07-16T11:06:00.000-07:00

I have discovered something quite interesting. Women tend to measure the quality of a movie, a song, a message, yes, even a blog, by how many times it makes them cry. . . OK . . . maybe this is not a new piece of information for some of you, but it was for me.

If you are in the mood for a good cry, this may not be the blog for you today. However, if you have cried this week because you have cleaned up poopie underwear 25 times (or, as was the case for me on more than one occasion, chosen just to throw them away). If you cried this week because you visited every restroom from here to Sacramento to ensure dry chonies by the time you got to grandma's house only to find it was not enough and proceed to put on the sixth outfit of the day. Then this is the site for you!!

I have had so many moms asking me recently about potty training that I decided to give it some blogspace. Questions like: How old should they be, how do I start, what technique do I use, what books do I read . . . etc. So here are my .02.

I need to give you some thoughts to ponder before launching an attack on potty training. First of all, every potty training experience will be unique. Don't believe anyone who says boys are super hard and girls are a piece of cake. It depends on the boy and in depends on the girl. I have had both. Also, please, please please, don't compare your child to the other children at playgroup or preschool. I believe that is an unfair burden placed on a very little person. If you let go of those expectations you will find much more success in this endeavor. And one last point: always look ahead. This will be a tiny spec of time compared to the span of their lifetime. I promise, they will not be wearing diapers when the go off to college. (of course there are probably exceptions to that oath, but I have yet to meet one)

So . . .What age is appropriate? That depends on the child. Do they have the language skills to tell you they need to use the potty? My oldest could speak full sentences at 15 months old, he potty trained on his second birthday. My second didn't speak until around 2 and didn't potty train until later. Do they seperate themselves to do the "big jobs"? (Go behind the couch to poop) Also, what other factors are there in your household to contend with? (new baby coming or already there, recent move or a move coming) Seasons matter, as well. It is a lot easier to train in the summer vs. the winter.

OK. Now that I have answered that question with three or four others, and you know exactly which age is appropriate for potty training (wink, wink), we can move on. How do you start? Start by talking about it. Explain ahead of time that on this certain date we are going to buy some big girl/boy underpant and start using the big potty. Personally I don't like using a potty seat only because I don't want to clean it out. After making that decision based on totally selfish reasons I found that it actually helped because I didn't create a dependancy on their "special seat". I have known people who travel with the special "seat" because Junior couldn't use the big potty. Using the big potty does mean, however, that, for a while you will have to help them on and stay with them while they complete their task. I prefer this sacrifce to the fashionable carry along portapotty. (again . . .personal preference . . . no offense intended)

Then on that day, make a big deal out of going to the store and picking out the undies. Bring them home with great pomp and circumstance and proudly put them on the child as if knighting the young lad or crowning the little princess. Take pictures, show daddy and brothers and sisters if there are any. Make them feel special. Then take them to sit on the potty. If they have succuss and are able to make something happen (no matter how small, liquid or solid) reward them with something sweet. (M&Ms, Jelly Beans, Milk Duds) I know some people use stickers because sweets are not good for the children. Again, in my opinion, kids like sweet stuff. One M&M a couple of times a day won't spoil them. If they don't "make it happen" this time show them the reward and tell them what they need to do to get that reward. Now set the timer for 20 or 30 minutes, whichever you think is best, and take them potty when the timer goes off. Reward them only for success. But don't berate them for failure. It's OK they will try again in 30 minutes. Typically my children would get tired of me taking them and start telling me when they had to go. This method is not guaranteed! But it's a start.

There is one very important point that needs to be clarified. Who has control of that little bladder? The child does!! Trust me on this one. I have tried every technique in the book (Figuatively speaking of course. I didn't read any books) I have tried reward, discipline, anger, ignore . . . and I came to one conclusion . . . I cannot control their bladder (unless I scare it out of them) So this is the very critical point that I am trying to make. Don't sweat it!! If they have success . . .yippee!! If they don't tell them "That's OK" put a diaper on and try again in a week or two. It is not worth the trouble in the long run. They will train when they are ready and you will still like them when they are done!

I have always loved my children and always will. I am going to share a time with you when I can honestly say I didn't like them very much and it had everything to do with potty training. I had six children. Ages 8, 6, 4, 3, 2, and 9 months. My three girls were 4,3,and 2. Everyday was a struggle. Everyday was a battle to keep them dry. They were all training at the same time, but not because I had planned it that way. I had been training them all starting at age 2. Which means we had been working on it for two whole years. Two whole excrutiatingly long years. These were the years that I tried everything; candy rewards, sticker charts, discipline, anger, frustration, . . . To no avail. I never thought it would end. I had no foresight. No hope. I'm not sure when it happened, but I finally gave up trying to control their bladders. I just decided that I was not going to sweat it and it would happen when it happened. I decided that my response to their accidents was always going to be an audible "that's OK, let's get you cleaned up" . Mainly to remind myself that it really was OK. Today, they are 14, 12, 11. . . And I'm proud to say they are completely potty trained. . . even through the night! I know, I know, you are amazed!! What can I say. A job well done.

So does it really matter that they weren't trained on their second birthday? Not at all!! They don't even remember that part of their lives (fortunately for me). Will it matter for your little one? No. It might matter for your playgroup mommies. (if it does I suggest another playgroup) It might even matter for the grandparents in which case you can decide on an answer for them. May I suggest: "We're working on it" or "pretty soon" or "Your welcome to try". The harsh reality is it's none of their business. (My apologies to any grandparents out there, but this can be a sensative issue for any young mother and sometimes they need to hear that they know what's best for their children . . . not that you didn't . . .oh, just accept my apology and move on).

Since that crazy time in my life, potty training has been a breeze. I stopped putting so much pressure on myself and on them and to be honest I can't even remember their ages of mastery. It wasn't important. We still make a big deal out of buying the underpants. We still celebrate success. Its fun to see my big boys 15 and 18 get really excited when a trainee goes potty in the big potty for the first time. We have a whole cheering section for such an occassion. I have successfully trained 9 out of ten children even through the night. Max is next, but not for a while. He needs to work on walking first.

I hope this helped. If you have more questions, feel free to email me or leave a comment. I would be happy to help.

Blessings,
Trina

Disclaimer: I realize that there are medical issues that may cause a child to be very delayed in this area. In all my years of parenting and advise-giving I have only met one. If your child is three and not trained don't panic. If they are five and still struggling, it might be worth a trip to the doctor.

Knee-Deep

2008-06-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

The news came on Tuesday. I was at home when Dan called from work. I went into my room to take the phone call because I could tell it wasn't good. Dan told me that the company he worked for was closing their doors and everyone was laid off effective immediately. I know this is hard to believe and maybe even a little warped, but my initial reaction was excitement. Right away, I knew this was God's handywork. He was taking us in a new direction and I'm always ready for an adventure. So I was pumped. I got off the phone with him and prayed a little prayer that God would give me wisdom as I gathered the kids for a family meeting. As I walked down the hallway and the children came into view, I got another feeling. One that I didn't anticipate nor did I appreciate! Oh No! . . . How are we going to feed the children? . . .How are we going to pay the bills? . . . How are we going to send Jordan to college?

I went into the family room and told Madison and Hannah to go get the rest of the children; some were outside, some were in their rooms. It took a few minutes for them to gather. That time was just enough for a total sense of panic to set in. I guess you might call it reality. As my thoughts raced from how long the food we had would last to the big graduation party we have planned in a few weeks.

By the time I came out of my thoughts, all of the children were sitting at my feet waiting to here the news that brought us together. I told them that Dad had lost his job today and, to the best of my ability, explained the whole situation. I also told them that we needed to pray for daddy right now. Several hands shot up right away and so we started praying. Up until this point I had been able to hold myself together and keep my "game face". Hudson (9) prayed, Bailey(5) prayed, even Abbey(3) prayed. I was still fine.

Then Jordan prayed. "Father, you know exactly what you are doing. You don't make mistakes. We are going to trust in that and whatever happens we will praise you and give you the glory you deserve. Amen"

I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. But not because of the situation we were in, because my son had to remind me of all that really matters in 40 words or less. Those words are the words that I am choosing to cling to. My reaction should not be one of panic. There is no reason for that. God has been faithful to us on every level and He's not going to stop now. My initial reaction is the one I am going to CHOOSE. I AM excited to see where God is taking us. I AM excited to see the plans God has for Dan. I have always believed God had huge plans for Dan and this is just a step in that direction and I plan on being his biggest cheerleader.

We are entering a new season. I know that things could get rough. We are no strangers to living in want, but I also know to keep my eyes focused on the Lord lest I find myself knee-deep like Peter. My job is to seek Him, cheer for my husband and love on my children. I can do that!!! Keep us in your prayers.

Always Blessed,
Trina

Graduation

2008-06-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

There is so much I need to write and so little time. I will write next week, but wanted to update with some pictures. I also added a link to all of our youtube videos. (Jordan's graduation speech is included) Until then, these are pictures of Jordan's graduation. He graduated valedictorian from Hallmark Charter School in Sanger. Honestly, Dan and I are baffled by that fact. He and I barely graduated from highschool and I didn't even know how to spell valedictorian. Yet another guarantee that God exists and has a plan that is bigger than me.!!

Blessings,

Trina

Jordan and Maximus

Seriously!!

Proud doesn't begin to describe how we feel about Jordan.

OK I couldn't help it. I have to write a little something. As we celebrate all that Jordan has accomplished, it would be easy for Dan and I to lose our humility. God knows this and so He makes sure to keep us in check with situations like this one:

I was working with my girls on getting their room REALLY cleaned out when we heard someone yelling. We all went running and this is what we found:

Yes, the toilet was flushed and he got a good scrubbing after we took this picture and a video that's on Youtube.

God knows what His plan is and it's OBVIOUSLY bigger than me!!

Have a great day!!

You just have "good kids"

2008-05-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

"You just have good kids". I hear this more often than just about any other comment. So I guess it's time to share the real truth behind what makes our children better that all the other children in the world. Here it is:

We have genetically engineered children that contain GKG, the benopheles adolesiosifent gene; or Good Kid Gene. Exactly 3 days, 12 hours, and 47 seconds after birth, we inject our children with a biogenetically enhanced serum that contains GKG. The enhanced genes then attach themselves to the temperament portion of the DNA strand. At this time we also inject them with the DNA coding for blonde hair and blue eyes. 32 hours later, they experience a sudden change in behavior. The only side effect is a temporary rash on the back of their necks; this lasts for about 2 days. From the moment this rash dissipates the child is essentially vaccinated for all incorrect behavior patterns. My husband and I have been altering and testing our genetic modifications and DNA enhancements for 20 years. In fact, the key rationale responsible for us having 10 children was to test these serums. Thus far, our GKG enhancements and Blue Eye serum have yielded excellent results. However, we have found a few faults in the blonde hair modifications. For instance, in test subject #001479, also known as Jordan, the blonde gene mutation could not resist the chemical imbalances of puberty, and his hair changed to a shade of brown. Not to worry, we found that the solution was to encode the genetic mutation with the substance docilestacene, which defends the hair DNA from altering chemicals. Very few parents have the knowledge of biogenetical enhancements necessary to insert GKG into their offspring. There are a few lucky individuals whose children randomly acquire the GKG, however the chances of this are 1,927,448/1.
Patent Pending!

Watch . . . just like the dishwasher with a garbage disposal in the bottom (which I thought of when I was 12) someday this will really be possible and someone will make millions and it won't be me. For now, to my knowledge, this is not possible. So how does it work? How do we get our children to obey? How are they so "perfect"? The answer is . . . they're not. They all have their moments. Like all the other children in the world, mine were all born with the sin nature, and therefore need to be encouraged to develop a taste for the things of God and not the things of the world. If left to their own devises, they would get everything they wanted and nothing that they needed. ie Candy vs. vegetables.

Part of our responsibility as parents is to determine the difference between needs and wants. My three year old daughter Abigail will come to me and say "Mommy, I NEED a cookie!" Believe me, she can be very convincing. She can tell me why . . . "I'm starving"(she's not), "I didn't get breakfast" (she did), "Bailey got one" (She didn't) . . . She can also be very persistent. She will ask again and again, like somehow each time she asks she is wearing down my mommy Resistance shield. (she's not). Most of the time I don't let her go on and on. We will stop and practice saying "O.K. Mommy" and walking away. Sometimes it takes a few times. It goes something like this:

"Mommy, can I have a cookie?"

"No, Abby, we are going to have lunch soon and you can have a cookie after lunch."

"Please can I have a cookie? I NEED one! I'm staaaaarving"

"Abby, Mommy said "no" what do you need to say?"

"OK Mommy"

And she will turn and walk away. How does she know to do that? We have practiced. We have actually lined everyone up in the family room and asked the youngest child who could speak to ask for a cookie (Bailey, 3 at the time, was the target of this exercise).

"Bailey, ask me for a cookie." I said. Her eyes lit up like it was Christmas and with great anticipation,
"Mommy, can I have a cookie?"
"No, Bailey", was my response. "We don't have any cookies." She was instantly devastated. I was actually surprised by her passion for that cookie. Dan and I then talked to all the kids about our response to disappointment, even if it's just a cookie. We talked about the fact the Dan and I don't say "no" to everything. (Why say "no" when you can say "yes".) We really do try to say "yes" whenever possible. (like mud baths and swimming in January) We explained that when they ask us for something and our response is "no", they need to say "OK Mom" or "Yes mommy" and then walk away with a smile.

So once again I reminded Bailey that we didn't have any cookies in the house and again I told her to ask me for a cookie. Again with the Christmas-like anticipation followed by the passionate devastation. It took about four tries for her to finally understand, but she DID eventually get it. And now it is a blessing to me to hear her say "OK mommy" and watch her walk away with a happy attitude. (She still needs an occasional reminder.)

This is where I usually hear "You must just have good kids". And now is the time that I would love to have some of the people who know Bailey personally testify. They would use words like: feisty, precocious, smart, tough, strong-willed to name a few.

We love all of our children more than anything, and we want for them to grow up to be happy responsible adults who love the Lord with all their hearts. That is our goal. In order for that to happen, they need us to help them know what they want and what they need and what the difference is. So we turn off the TV and get off the computer and we train them. I know training them about cookies seem silly, but training about how to handle disappointment isn't.

I am in a unique position right now. Not because I have ten children, but because I have such a large age range. We are sending our oldest son off to college this year and we couldn't be happier or more excited to do so. He is an amazing young man who loves the Lord. He is compassionate, hard-working and wise beyond his years. He expressed to us his desire to become a pastor when he was 12. He is going to The Master's College in Santa Clarita. For those of you who don't know, that is a private Christian college. . . Did you get that? . . . Private . . . Do you know what that means? . . . $$$$$$$$$. Money that we don't have. And without blinking, he told us he was going to do it without taking out any student loans. Really?!?! . . .My response was: "Good luck with that." (oh ye of little faith) To date, all but $2,700 is paid for and he still has a few scholarships we haven't heard about. Amazing!

So why am I telling you this? Because this is the boy who walked into a doctor's office at age 3 and pushed over the cute little girl who was sitting on the floor. This is the little boy who covered himself with baby powder when he was supposed to be napping. I could go on and on about the trespasses in his life, but I think I've made my point. I have the advantage of being able to see the fruit of training in my older kids and know that what I'm doing with my younger children will yield those same results. For that I have faith!! For those of you who have just little ones, be encouraged. Keep training, be diligent and consistent. My hope for all of you is that you will look at your children someday and feel the pride I do when I look at my son and see what an amazing man he has become.

Here are my "book ends". Jordan is 18 and Maximus is 1.

By the way, Jordan wrote the piece about the GKG. Credit where credit is due!

Blessings,
Trina

2008-05-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

Hello . . . . . . is anyone still out there? . . . . Hopefully you will be willing to brush the dust off this blogspot, grab a cup of iced whatever and enjoy!
As the weather warms and gives us a foreshadowing of the lazy days of summer, I can't help but get excited about enjoying those days with my children without the burden of school work and art classes and music classes and youth group. I get excited thinking about playing mud wars in the "way-back", setting up lemonade stands on the corner, swimming at all hours of the day, and sun bathing on the chicken roof drinking pickle juice. ( don't knock it 'til you've tried it!!) I realize that I am not normal. Sadly, I hear many moms talk of their dread for the summer months; the months when their children are home from school and can't seem to find anything to do but sleep, eat and watch TV. I just want to take a few moments to encourage all of you who read this not to miss the opportunity you have this summer to tie strings of fellowship with your children.
Dan and I have spent many hours this past spring preparing and teaching on child training. If you were at any of those classes, you heard us say that all the training in the world is useless if you haven't taken the time to enjoy your children. Yes, it is possible to force obedience and immediate compliance without fellowship, but what you will end up with is a 12 or 13 year old who can't wait to get out of your house of tyranny. Our goal is to bring up children who want to obey because they don't want to break fellowship with us. I don't know any young children who don't long to see a reflection of joy when they look into their mommy and daddy's eyes. What do your children see?
I have to admit that, on a bad day, mine don't always see joy. Sometimes they see my irritation because I have laundry to fold and their needs are getting in my way. Sometimes they see my fatigue because I have been teaching them from early in the morning and its now 5:00 and I haven't made or even thought about dinner. Sometimes they see my stress because the paycheck didn't go as far as we needed it to and we have to figure out which bill is going to go unpaid. I'm sure everyone would agree that these are all legitimate "joy-stealers". No one would argue for a minute that these things are not important. But what do the children think? What do the children see? They see my irritation, but they don't know that it is the laundry I'm irritated with. They see my fatigue, but they don't know its the schoolwork that's tired me out. They see the stress, but they don't know that the root of that stress is financial. All they see is a reflection of irritation, fatigue and stress. On a bad day.
Fortunately, I have grown a lot in my mommyhood and I don't have many "bad days" anymore. In fact I stopped using that language completely. I won't call it a bad day because as long as there are hours left in the day I have a chance to turn it around.
So what do you do when the pile of laundry is taller than your tallest child? You pull it all out into the family room, turn the music up loud and have a laundry folding party!! What do you do when you have been working hard all day and have no idea what to do for dinner? Make PB&J's, throw a blanket down (inside or out) and have a dinner picnic. What do you do when your money is tight? Sit down with your kids and let them help by praying with you and talk about what an honor it is to watch how God will provide your next meal. I promise, He will show you miracles!
Then you watch the miracles that begin to happen in your children. Watch the joy that dances in their eyes because you included them in your life. Watch how they will do things with no other purpose than to please you. And when they get that look of approval or the hug or the "thank you" watch them burst with pride. And then watch it again and again!
Someone sent me an email recently that included this poem:
F A M I L Y
I ran into a stranger as he passed by, 'Oh excuse me please' was my reply.
He said, 'Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you.'
We were very polite, this stranger and I. We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down. 'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said,
'While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you. He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise, you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.'
By this time, I felt very small, And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed; 'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.
'Are these the flowers you picked for me?' He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you. I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'
I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today; I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'
He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway.'
I said, 'Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'

Convicting, isn't it? It was for me.
Here are my plans for the summer: Play and play hard!! Swim in the pool, wallow in the mud, and drink pickle juice on the chicken roof! Will you join me?
Blessings, Trina
More soon, I promise!!

All it Takes is a Little Training

2008-02-18T11:15:00.000-08:00

Scenario # 1: Mom and three children (5, 3 and 1) are on their way home after picking Bobby up after kindergarten. The children are hungry for lunch but mom remembered that they have no bread at home, so they make a quick trip to the grocery store.
They arrive at the store and mom loads kids into the cart. Amy (1) will ride in the front of the cart and Julia (3) will ride in the back. That leaves Bobby on his own to walk beside the cart. As soon as they get inside the store, Bobby takes off to the toy isle as Mom yells to no avail. Julia sees Bobby take off and decides she could negotiate the three foot drop to the floor in order to join her brother in the isle that was calling to her as well. Mom again yells at Julia to sit down, get back in the cart. Julia starts to run and Mom catches her by the arm. Julia lets out a blood curdling scream and Mom immediately lets go. She justifies it in her mind by thinking that maybe she will be able to shop in peace and come retrieve her kids before she heads to the check out stand. After all, its just one thing; bread.
At first her plan works and she makes her way to the bread isle. Before she can load her cart with the bread, she hears the sound of Bobby calling to her “Mom . . .Mom? . . . Mom?!? . . . MOOOOOMMMMM??!!?? She rushes to find him hoping to stop the impending panic attack. She finds him on the cereal isle completely distracted from his momentary fit of despair. As soon as he has his mom in his sights, he starts in: “Mom, can we get this cereal? Mom can I have this one. I want this one.” Mom says, “No, Bobby we are just here to get bread, not cereal.” The tears begin to flow. “Mommy, please, I need this cereal! I never get this cereal I neeeeeeeeed it!!!” Bobby, knowing that all it will take is an increase in decibels, ups the ante. MOMMY!!! PLEEAASE!!. “No Bobby all we need is bread.” Now its ON!! Bobby throws himself on the floor and kicks his feet, screaming inaudible words that send a chill down the spine of his mother. “O.K. O.K. put it in the cart and lets go.”
Now that that crisis is over, Mom has a moment to realize that her three year old is not with Bobby and now the search is on. She heads to the toy isle hoping beyond hope that Julia had been so intrigued by some toy that she stayed where she was. Intrigued she was, but not by toys. Mom turned the corner to find her lovely little three year old covered in baby shampoo and cue-tips, which happened to be on a shelf across the isle from the toys. Quickly, Mom scoops up her bubbly mess who begins to cry because, no matter what they say, baby shampoo in quantity, is not tearless!
Angry and embarrassed, Mom puts both of the other children in the back of her cart, hurries to get the bread that she had come for and takes it through the check out, careful not to make eye contact with any other human being in the store.
When she finally gets them in the car and closes the door, she begins to yell at them about how naughty they were and she goes on and on until they get home. She is angry and frustrated and really doesn’t want to spend anymore time with them so they get fed and put in front of the TV while she busies herself in another part of the house.

Scenario #2 Mom and three children (5,3,and 1) are on their way home from their kindergarten pick up. They too need to pick up groceries on the way home. Mom turns the radio down and tells the children “We need to stop at the store on our way home so I want you to be good and make wise choices. John, I need you to make sure you hold onto the cart and help me put some things inside. Nick, your going to ride in the back and make sure you sit down so we can hand you the bread and Noel will ride in the front. We will not be buying anything but bread today so don’t ask mommy for anything. O.K.?” There is a resounding “Yes, Mommy”. Even Noel responded with a grunt while sucking her thumb. She just wants to be like her bigger brother and sister.
This family goes through the grocery store with no incident. When they get back in the car, Mom tells the kids what a good job they did and thanks them. They go home and have a pleasant afternoon together.

I’m sure I don’t need to ask which scenario is more desirable. But how many of us have had the first scene play out in one way or another? What made the difference? The answer seems so simple and in reality it is simple. But for some reason, we would choose to leave the radio on until we got to the store and just go right in without even giving the kids a clue about how to behave. How are our children going to know what is expected of them if we don’t tell them? The answer is “they won’t!!”

First of all, just so you know, senario #1 is completely fictional and I will not be throwing anybody "under the bus" on this one. But I think there are probably a few of you out there wondering if you had ever told me that story. Rest assured, I made it up by my-whole-self. (As my children say).

Training is an absolute in our family. We have conversations with our children everytime we are going somewhere public. Partly because, eventhough we have said the same thing many times before, there is some small child who will be hearing it for the first time. But also because the ones who have heard it need to be reminded. We don't want them to fail for lack of information. In other words, we don't want to hear the words, "But I didn't know I wasn't supposed to get down and chase my sister around the table at the restaurant."

On one occasion, we walked into a restaurant to have dinner. There was an older couple waiting to be seated who, upon seeing us, went to the hostess and had a "conversation". At the time we didn't really know what it was about, but we had a feeling it involved be seated away from us. As it turned out, that couple came to us after dinner and proceeded to tell us that when they saw us come in, they asked the hostess for a table far from where we were going to be seated. The hostess sat them on the other side of the room next to a family of four. They told us that all through dinner while the two children next to them were running around, crying, fighting etc. they were noticing how calm and quiet our table was and what well-behaved children we had. They actually told us they had made a mistake and apologized for judging us before we had even sat down. We thanked them for noticing and thanked our children for being good and making wise choices. God tells us that our children are a blessing from Him. If it doesn't feel like it, maybe its time to do a little training and let them bless you as ours did that night.

My encouragement to you is that you have those conversations ahead of time. If you need to, practice at home before you go. For instance, if they are running away from you in public, train them at home. Play the "touch that" game. Sit in the kitchen and tell them you're going to play the "touch that" game. Then tell them to put their hand on the refrigerator. Praise them when they obey. Then tell them to put their foot on the dishwasher. Praise them when they obey. Continue this for awhile then explain to them that when you go to the store you're going to play this game at the car. Even go out and practice at the car. "Touch the tire with your foot, touch the door with your elbow". You get the picture. Now they are happy because they are playing a game (after all when they are running away from you, in their minds they are playing "tag", right?). Now they are playing YOUR game!! This concept can be applied to so many different I could never list them all.

Be creative. Think about something right now that you are having a hard time with and figure out a way to train them to make the right choices. Its really not hard and when you have success, (and you WILL have success) chose the next thing and watch how much they delight in your smile! All it takes is a little training. Have a great day!!!

Trina

I will faithfully pray for him

2007-12-30T21:50:00.000-08:00

Our daughters had an interesting conversation recently that was relayed to me by a faithful friend. Three of our daughters (Madison 13, Moriah 12, and Hannah almost 11) were at their friends house for a little Christmas gathering. They had been watching "The Nativity" and were having a conversation about how young Mary was when she gave birth to Jesus and married Joseph. The topic then changed to arranged marriages and would it be Ok if their dad picked the man they were to marry. My girls and the daughter of my friend all agreed they would be happy with that because they knew their dads loved them and only wanted the best for them. Of course we have no plans to arrange their marriages, but it was nice to know they trusted their dads to make that decision for them. They soon began to talk about their own weddings and of course they all shared what their weddings will be like. At some point, Madison said to everyone that she knew exactly who she was going to marry. Of course everyone in the room (and out of the room, thanks Tamera) waited with baited breath for her to reveal this juicy piece of information. Without hesitation she said "I'm going to marry someone exactly like my dad". This faithful friend told me that the girls had no idea she was listening and that Madison's comment was completely unsolicited.

As my friend told me this story, tears fell. I was unprepared for the flood of emotions. I was instantly struck with an urgency to be on my knees in prayer for my husband. I pray for him regularly for the usual things like work, financial stress, health; stuff like that. But this is a whole different thing. I know that it is normal for little girls to love their daddys and even talk about marrying them, but when a thirteen year old girl still looks at her daddy and knows that someday, the man she marrys will be just like him, the magnitude of the role he plays in her life goes off the chart.

In the midst of the mass of Christmas greetings on this desk are three precious pictures. They stand out to me right now because all three families have only daughters. Precious little girls who are looking to their daddys to be an example. Pray for those daddys and the priviledge they have to be the object of such affection.

I am blessed to have a husband who understands the weight of his responsibility. He knows he holds his daughters' affection until they meet the one God has chosen to be their husband. I am sure he wouldn't have it any other way. So I will faithfully pray for him.

Be Blessed,

Trina

Maintaining My Sanity

2007-12-02T14:21:00.000-08:00

There are a few questions that I have heard more than once in the last couple of weeks: How do you maintain your sanity and how do you manage to have a quiet time in the midst of everyday life? These are very good questions and I have to admit that on some days I don't do either very well. After all, no body's perfect. Right?

To answer the first question though, in order to maintain my sanity one must imply that I had my sanity to begin with. That depends on how one would define sanity. If sanity means I can remember my own name; I'm sane. If it means I can remember my child's name while he's standing right in front of me; Not so much. If it means I can teach simple addition and subtraction facts; I'm good. If it means I can remember that the Pythagorean theorem is that the square drawn on the hypotenuse of a right triangle has the same area as the sum of the square drawn on the other two sides; . . . huh? If being sane means I can tie my own shoes; I am. If it means I can find shoes for all my kids; Nope. So you see my dilemma? In my world I feel completely sane. If you were to step into my world for a moment, you might not have the same answer.

I do understand the heart of that question and my answer to that is: I do one thing at a time. OK maybe two or three things . . . OK sometimes four things, but never five. I never do five things at once. . . .I guess I don't have a great answer to that question. Let's move on to the next one. I do have an answer for that.

How do I have a "quiet time" everyday? I don't. Before you judge me too harshly, let me explain. I learned sometime back when I had lots of little ones and I was feeling like the great "need-meeter" that if I was going to survive, I needed to maintain my relationship with Christ. I tried to get up early. After all this is what everyone was teaching; that if you didn't start the day with a minimum of three hours of praying and worship and reading the Word and more praying and worship and meditation, that there was NO possibility for growth. OK, that's not really what they taught, but it might of well have been. In my little world at home, I could not make that work. No matter how early I got up, even if my feet didn't hit the floor, at least one of my children would wake up. And then inevitably, I would start the day resenting the fact that my children were "hindering" my walk with the Lord and THAT is never good. So I changed my game plan. I made sure that I was always involved in a bible study somewhere. Then at least I was getting something from The Word at least once or twice a week. (church counts, too.) This also motivated me to get my study done. So I would try to do my study during nap time or during any other quiet moment the day would offer me. I figured out that if I left my bible and my study open on the kitchen counter, I could do one question at a time and eventually get the whole study done in time for the meeting. This led me to have an open dialogue with God throughout the day. I am constantly shooting up "arrow" prayers. Like "Lord give me wisdom.", "Help me to be the mommy they need me to be right now"," Lord, please help me not to eat that cookie when there is an apple that would taste just as good and be better for me". Really! I really pray like that and believe that my relationship with Christ is closer now than it has ever been.

As my life has evolved from having many little ones to having bigs and littles, I am finding more of those quiet moments. I don't have nap time anymore, but I do have dentist appointments and piano lessons. I take my life journal and bible study everywhere with me so I can take advantage of those moments.

We have a garden out in the "way back" . Our soil is very sandy. If we turn the water on full blast and leave it on for an hour, the water will go straight through and will be less effective in keeping the plants hydrated than if we turned it on to just a drip and left it on all day. My encouragement to all of you mommies who feel like you are being sucked dry. Turn on the drip system. Let God's word saturate every part of your life. Open your bible and just read a little bit at a time. It will soak in to the very deepest parts of your heart. Don't let Satan convince you that if you can't meet God first thing in the morning with an hour of quiet that you might as well not even try. That's a lie! God knows exactly where you are. He knows how busy you are and how tired you are and how burdened you are and He wants to bear those burdens for you. But there is no way for Him to help if you don't go to Him with those things. It might seem silly to talk to God about what you are eating, but I have had conversations with my close friends about what I eat and wear and do. God wants to be that close to you. Give him the chance!

Be blessed!
Trina

Where is it?

2007-11-07T18:06:00.000-08:00

Where is it? I know I left it here somewhere! Its here under my housework and my school work and my finances. . . .Hang on just a second . . . There it is! I found it! . . .Are you wondering what "it" is? Stick with me and you'll understand.

We homeschool our children and up until a few years ago, we were independent of any home school co-op or charter school. Which just means we did what we want when we wanted to. When I taught history, I taught all the kids at the same time. They all had different assignments based on the same time in history. We did the same thing in many of the other subjects.

When our oldest was about to go into highschool we decided that we needed to be affiliated with a charter school that could take care of all of the necessary paperwork and record keeping for college. We chose Sanger Hallmark. They provided all of his curriculum (up until that point we had been buying it on our own), a teacher who met with him at our house for one hour a week, and many other opportunities that we could not afford on our own. (Music, Art, Academic Decathlon . . ) It went really well that year and so, the next year, we decided to enroll all of the other children there as well. That meant I would now have seven children in seven different grades doing seven different subjects. Oh yeah . . . and a 3 year old, and a 7 month old baby. . . . What was I thinking??!?!

Excuse me for a minute while I let the waves of anxiety subside. . . . OK . . . . About two weeks into that year, I found myself completely buried in school work. I literally schooled from 8:30 am straight through into the evening after Dan came home from work. Needless to say, I was struggling.

One evening, I was teaching someone, trying desperately to just finish that days work so we would not have to start the next day in a deficit when Bailey (3 at the time) came in and stood next to my chair. I'm not sure what her initial intentions were, but she quietly said "mommy?". I turned and looked at her and she hesitated. . . then with the honesty only three-year old Bailey could have, she asked "Do you still like me anymore?" It was all I could do to keep myself together long enough to give her the answer she needed. "Of course, Bailey. I love you!"

"Yeah, but I don't think you like me very much." The knife to my heart . . . in and turning! I picked her up and sat her on the table in front of me and asked her why she thought that. Again with the brutal honesty: "Because you don't smile at me anymore." I apologized to her and reassured her that I still liked her, too. Needless to say, I was done teaching for that day. I took Bailey into the kitchen and put her up on the counter and let her help me make the biscuits for dinner. More importantly, I looked Bailey right in hers eyes and smiled and it felt so good. I realized I had lost my smile. It had become so dark in our home and it was my fault! I had made the choice to get bogged down in the amount of work I had to do. I convinced myself that no one should have to do this much work and I knew there was not one person in this world that would argue with me. So why should I have to endure this? Why me? It was the biggest pitty party of all time. Streamers, balloons, cake and ice cream. The Works!!! And I had forced my entire family to be the honored guests. Like it or not!

Could I have been more selfish? I don't think so. Fortunately, Bailey crashed my party. And, now looking back, I think she is the only one who could. I would not have received it as well from anyone else and quite honestly, I don't think anyone else would have said anything. The amazing thing about that whole situation was that a great burden had been lifted. It was as if I had been given permission to smile again. I still had seven students in seven different grades with seven different subjects. I still had a 3 year old, and a 7 month old. We still schooled from morning til night, but I had been given persmission to enjoy it again. I love my children. I enjoy my children. I want them to see the joy in my face when I look at them. They deserve to be enjoyed purely because God created them to be a blessing. Psalms 127:3 says"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, Children are a reward (blessing) from Him."

I am happy to say, that God is faithful. I have been blessed beyond measure with a husband who loves me when I'm searching for my smile. I have children that make me laugh daily and I have a God who chooses to speak with a three-year-old voice.

Now, did you figure out what I was looking for? It was my smile! I found it! And I choose to find it every day! What is hiding your smile? Do you need permission to find it? Permission granted! Now go enjoy your day!!!

Trina

High Energy Children

2007-10-25T14:07:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me if any of my children were "high energy". I laughed! What I wanted to say was "No. I have no idea what you're talking about. None of my children have ever spoken out of turn or walked out of line. They have never dumped out all 40,000 legos and spread them all over the room. They have never covered themselves in baby powder during naptime. They have never written on themselves, their sister and the newly painted bathroom walls with bright red lipstick. And my favorite: They have never taken off a poopy diaper, stepped it and made poopy foot prints all over the carpet." But then reality smacks me in the face and I have to say "Yes". If God has chosen to bless you with one of these little treasures, you are finding yourself saying "no" 15,634 times a day. Instead of enjoying a quiet moment, you panic because quiet can't be good! And the thought of one of your friends "dropping by" creates all kinds of anxiety because your "treasure" has been busy all morning and your house now lies in ruin. Be encouraged! I am convinced that these children are going to do amazing things with their lives. I'm sure you would agree, they are going "somewhere" FAST. Our job is to be a constant guide so that that "somewhere" is "somewhere" good.

When Madison was about a year old, we could see that she had more energy than her two older brothers. She was always up at the crack of dawn and ready to take on the world. I guess I had been spoiled by her brothers who woke up early, but once I nursed them they were happy to go right back to sleep. Not Madison! As time progressed, she had some breathing issues that landed her in the hospital on more than one occassion. When we would bring her home from her stay at the hospital (usually a week) she would be wired on all kinds of steroids. Now she was not only "busy", she was also angry! She was promoted out of the nursery at church because she beat up on every child in there.

When she came down off of the steroids, she was still busy! She was like a little hurricane leaving a path of destruction wherever she went. On several occasions, she even got lost. And I'm not talking about in a department store. One time we were at a County Fair on the Fourth of July. We had been walking through the midway and let the kids ride one ride. We walked away from that area and were in the dispaly with all kinds of birds. An area we thought she would be interested in. Before we could turn around, she was gone. It was so crowded, we decided to go staight to the security to see if they could help us. About ten long minutes later, someone came across the security radio saying that they had found her. She had decided to go back to the midway to ride the rides. She was three. We hugged her and told her we were so relieved to find her. She looked at us like we had just spoiled the best time of her life. Later that same summer we were up at my parents cabin in the mountains. We had just returned from a little craft fair that was down the hill and across the street. We put the babies down for naps (Moriah 2 and Hannah 1)and Jordan 7, Trevor 5 and Madison 3,were downstairs watching a movie. Dan and I were enjoying the quiet. . . . wait too quiet! You see, even when watching a movie, Madison was not quiet. We quickly called downstairs only to find our worst fears confirmed. She was nowhere to be found. The search was on. We went outside and started calling her name. No response. I started to panic. Where could she have gone? The possibilities were endless. We were in the mountains, there were trees and bushes and animals and . . . before I could go any further in my mind, Dan (my wonderfully calm and brilliant husband) Said "I know where she is." He told me to stay here and he would go get her. He walked back down to the craft fair. And guess who he found. She was standing with a woman who told Dan that he could not take her because she had already called the Sheriff and he was on his way. Dan waited with Madison and the strange woman until the Sheriff arrived. He explained what had happened and brought Madison back to the cabin. Of course she received some "consequences" and then was put to bed. There are many more "Maddy" stories. Ones about potty training, about hitting brothers and sisters, about running into her room yelling "I hate you" and slamming her door.

But I'm sure you get the idea and I need to fast forward to this last summer. She is 13 now. I had to have surgery in July. When I came home from the hospital, the kids had moved the TV and DVD into my bedroom so I could recover there. Of course, that meant that all of the kids were in my room as well. This was great most of the time. I really enjoyed having them with me. Occasionally the pain was so severe that the only thing I could do was cry. The pain meds weren't helping and I just couldn't cope. Through tears, I had to ask the kids to go out of the room for a little while so I could "rest". (cry alone. really) The children were all wonderful and would file out quietly. (I don't cry very often, so they were all very concerned). One particular time, they were leaving the room and the door closed behind them. A few seconds later, Madison came back in quietly and touched me on the arm. "Mom, would it be OK if I prayed for you right now?" She sat down at the foot of my bed and said a quiet prayer for me. It makes me cry just thinking about it. She has come so far!! God is so faithful!! We have stuggled for so many years hoping that we were doing the right thing for her. Are we doing enough? Are we too hard on her? Do I have to keep telling her the same things over and over? . . . Yes. We are doing enough. No. We have not been too hard on her. and YES. I have to keep telling her the same things over and over and over and over . . . She is still a very "active" child. But she is becoming a beautiful young woman and we are beginning to see the fruit of our labor. Quite honestly, I'm not sure when she was three, that I would have considered her a "blessing". And that is why I have written this today. I want all of you who have a child like Madison to be able to have a glimpse into the future. Be diligent. Be consistent. Don't make excuses for them. Hold them to a higher standard. So that someday, they will "rise up and call you blessed"! Proverbs 23:24-25 says "The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice!" I can say honestly I rejoice in the day Madison was born!

Be blessed!

Trina

Madison has read this and given her permission to post it.

What have you taught your children today?

2007-10-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

What have you taught your children today? I'm not talking about academics. I'm talking about "life lessons". On a good day, you could have taught them to be kind to one another or to share their toys with their brothers and sisters. On a bad day, if you're like me, you could have taught them how to be irritable and selfish. (yes, I have bad days, too!) Fortunately or unfortunately depanding on how you look at it, our most powerful teaching tool is our example. We could spend hours trying to teach them kindness using books, videos and playgroup or whatever other fluff that is available, but ultimately, they learn to be kind because they see us being kind. They learn happiness because they see us being happy. Likewise, they learn selfishness because they see us being selfish or bitterness because we are bitter. Now, I know you could tell me about how you didn't deserve to be talked to like your husband did this morning or to be cut off in traffic like that "idiot" did yesterday. And if I had been there I would probably agree. But that doesn't let you off the hook. Let's look at a similar situation on a smaller scale (literally). My 5 and 3 year olds were playing together. The younger one took a toy from the older one, who then yelled a few choice words and whacked her sister in the head with a wooden block. The three year old came to me screaming and holding her head. (of course dramatics were added to make the guilty party guiltier) When I asked the "whacker" what she did to the "whackee" she said "She took the bed I was using so my babies can go to sleep. Now I have no place to put them for a nap!" That sounds legitimate. But is it OK for her to use abusive words and actions to fix the problem? Of course not. We, as mommies, are adults (hopefully) and somewhere along the way, we have learned a certain amount of self control. We don't get out of the car and whack the selfish guy who took our parking spot. But, often we have a few choice words for him that only the little people in the back of our car can hear. What have you taught your children today?

A couple of weeks ago, we were getting ready for the fair. Our five oldest children are in 4H. They all show sheep and needed clothes and boots for their uniforms to be complete. We were at the store with Jordan who needed pants. We were also buying three pairs of boots for the other kids. When we got to the check out stand, the total came to $75.00. (If you know anything about the cost of boots, you know that's not quite right. It should have been around $200.00)) When we got out of the store, I realized that neither Dan nor Jordan had noticed that the bill was a lot less than it should have been. (They had been busy talking about the upcoming football game). Every part of me wanted to just get in the car and go home and not mention it. That extra money could have gone a long way towards the other fair costs that were upcoming. I asked Dan to look at the receipt to see if it was right. He did and we went back in and paid the rest. There was no party thrown in our honor for being honest, there was hardly even a "thank you". But I know the payoff was that our son had seen us be honest because it was the right thing to do. It is what God calls us to. What have you taught your children today?

We heard today at bible study about a mom who is in the midst of a battle for her life with cancer. She is a godly woman, wife and mother of three children. The youngest is 16. He is good friends with my two boys (Jordan 17 and Trevor 15). As I sat there in that church listening to the heart wrenching story of how the cancer has spread and that her prognosis is 2 - 3 months, I was obviously overcome by the saddness of their situation. But I also felt a sudden sense of urgency for my own family. All kinds of questions popped into my mind. Have I done my job? Would my children be Ok without me. Have I taught them all that I need to. Have I loved on them enough to last their lifetime? Boy, does that put things into perspective!! So much of our time is spent teaching school, sports, dance, church, friends, clubs . . . How much time do we spend teaching "God"? What have you taught your children today?

Choose to be blessed today!

Trina

A fly on the wall

2007-10-14T22:50:00.000-07:00

"A fly on the wall." someone said to me today. "I would just like to be a fly on the wall of your home for one day." If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me, I'd be a rich woman.
Let's see. What would you have seen today? Sundays are a fun day for us. We got up and cooked 3 pounds of bacon, 4 dozen muffins, and 2 dozen eggs (scrambled of course). Oh yes, and a pot of coffee!! We set the table with 11 plates, 11 cups, 11 forks (Max doesn't eat real food yet) We polished off almost all of that food and a gallon of milk to boot! No. We don't do this every day; only on Sundays. We have lots to talk about around the table because the fair has just ended and we are celebrating our success at the Junior Livestock Auction yesterday. (We raise sheep for 4H).
Do I need to continue? It sounds so ordinary to me. We get dressed, do chores, do a little clean-up, watch some football, go to a church meeting, take the ewes to the breeder, then go to evening church. Except for the "ewes to the breeder part" doesn't that sound like a normal Sunday for most people? I know . . . we stopped being normal with the birth of our fifth child. I think ten makes us certifiable! I won't bore you with the rest of the details of this day. Just know that somehow I made it to the computer before midnight. The kids are all in bed and Dan is sleeping on the couch waiting for me to finish so we can go to bed. So let me get to the point.

Here's what I know. I know for sure that we are blessed beyond measure! And that these blessings come with a tremendous amount of responsibility. It is my job to teach them to use a sippy cup and a spoon, to say please and thank you and not to burp out loud. It's rude! I need to show them how to dress themselves and brush their teeth, to tie their shoes and put away their toys. Its my responsibility to teach them to be kind and share, to use nice words and not pull hair. "Mama watch this" will be repeated one thousand and one times and I will be as excited about the first cannon ball as I will be with the last. I will bandage their "ouchies" when they are young. Then, when they are older, I will be a comfort when their "ouchies" can't be touched by human hands. I will pray for them everyday. Most importantly I will show them Christ.
This all may sound overwhelming. My goal in making this blog is to be an encourager to those of you who feel overwhelmed and to give you some practical ways to make everyday a little better. There is no greater calling than to be a mommy and I feel blessed to be a part of so many "mommy's" lives.
Be blessed today. Look into their little faces and know that God chose them for you. Tickle them, laugh with them, love them!

Trina