I said "No", He said "Yes"

I Said, “no” He Said, ‘Yes” Hello world! umm…. this is not Trina Short, the all knowing and wise, Just kidding mom! No, this is her daughter Madison Short the “quintessential fire cracker,” as my mom called me in her earlier posts. I am hijacking my mom’s blog to bring to all of you lovely people another point of view of the crazy merciless and blessings that God is placing in our lives. First there are some things you should know about me, I am very ummm…..ENERGETIC, yes thats it energetic, and sometimes competitive….OK, I am always competitive. But in contrast I am a scared child at heart, I will be forever scared of strangers, monkeys, drugs, people who look scary, act scary, or even look at me with evil in their eyes. I have tried multiple times after watching ALL of the episodes of "Alaska: The Last Frontier", to get my family to move to Alaska, where there is a small population. Turns out it's really hard to live in a place where the bear population is higher than the people population. And what scares me even more than getting hurt by people, is people hurting any member of my family, including my dog. When my family started talking about doing a mission as a family, being the person to react first thinks later. I immediately said, “No” at the time I though this “no” was towards my family, but in reality in was a “no” to God. Though I didn't realize this for a while, first I had to learn who was really the boss… and it wasn't me. Sitting at the table with everyone there, my parents brought up the subject of the family mission, I immediately was panicked and tense. First my family was talking about going out of the country! Can you believe it? Do you know how many opportunities there would be for people to hurt my family? I was not about to let that happen. The more my family talked about it the more I could imagine the terrible things that could happen to us. Then almost every one in my family, except for Max, (Max and I get each other) called me out on not trusting God. Ugh I had that coming. Trusting God with my own life I can do, but trusting God with what I most love, my family, that was not easy. Time went by and I continued to ignore all talk about missions, I figured my family is too big, too poor, and too busy, for the mission life style. In high school I never went out of Fresno for a missions trip, both my older brothers went on out of state missions, though I never felt called, or was motivated. I couldn't justify going when I have friends, neighbors, school peers, that didn't know the Lord. (don’t let this fool you, that was an excuse, though at the time I truly felt that way) I was content with the work that had to be done in my home town. Another thought that I had, that effected my out look on missions, was how missionaries seemed to be very showy people, I didn't care to show people what I'm doing for the Lord, I don't do it for my reputation, its something that is between myself and God. And I believe that the meaning of Gods work, and the relationships, can be cheapened by our own image. (I am not saying I don't struggle with humility) Back to the story, my family started to raise money for the mission, and with time my families passion grew, except for mine. When I was helping my family raise money I tried to get excited…. But I wasn’t. I became frustrated, my frustration soon turned to jealousy. Jealousy for the passion my family had, jealousy for the selflessness, the trust. In my school bible study, we are studying in Jonah, yeah Jonah. The guy who said “no” to God, a coincident? I think not. In this bible study I have learned that when you say “no”, God says, “yes”. And that through my selfishness God will turn me around, put me in a fish, and teach me to trust him with everything. This is my experience reading Jonah not the first time, but the first time with consequence. Jonah 1:1-3 1 The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: 2 “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.”3 But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord. My first response: O Jonah you are so stupid. My second response: I AM JONAH!!!!! I AM STUPID TOO!!!! IM GOING TO DIE! (kept reading) Jonah 1:4-6 4 Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up. 5 All the sailors were afraid and each cried out to his own god. And they threw the cargo into the sea to lighten the ship.But Jonah had gone below deck, where he lay down and fell into a deep sleep. 6 The captain went to him and said, “How can you sleep? Get up and call on your god! Maybe he will take notice of us so that we will not perish.” My first response: I’m not that bad. God isn't going to drowned me or make me really sleeping at inappropriate times. My second response: Im going to be punished!!!!!! My third response: No this is not a punishment this is a correction, or a discipline and another chance to do the right thing. Its the right amount of fear to push me in the right direction. I am a student at Sacramento State so I was not able to attend the training with the older six people in my family. But God used this time to stir up feelings that I'm not sure existed before. I felt like I abandoned my family, abandoned a God that has provided for me. I didn't quite know what to do with myself, but after I got my homework done like a good student( I didn't really I had to stay up late Sunday to do it) I found the Hope Force international website. I was swimming in my own selfish thoughts, I didn't even look at the website before. The more I read the more I wanted to be there with my family, helping beside my family. I started out saying “no” but now I cant wait to start. My original questions about all the awful things that could have happened, changed to questions about what God could do with a family like mine.… But this leads to another problem; I am still a student. So now I am praying for contentment and to trust Him. I do not admit to it being easy to trust Him, but I am praying that He will help me. The true difference between the Madison two months ago and the Madison now is I am not using my own selfish eyes to see, I am trying to see what God sees.

We Passed!!!

WE PASSED OUR TEST!!!!!! Dan and I made it through our disaster simulation final today. We are happy to report that no one died, the building didn't burn down and I didn't break a nail!!!! We are now certified members of the Community Emergency Response Team!!! We received our official hard hat, back pack and CERT vest. I highly recommend this course for anyone who would just like to make sure their family and neighborhood would be safe in a disaster.

So what's the next step? We (Dan, Trina, Jordan , Desiree, Trevor and Alyssa ) are headed to Washington. Flight, car and hotel reservations have been made and paid for!! Praise God, now we need to raise the money for the actual training. We need a total of $1050. Like I have said before, we are excited to see how God will work this out. We would love for you to join us in two ways. One, the most important, is by praying. We know God is faithful and will resource what He calls!! The second way is that we need your support financially. We still need to raise the $1050 for training that begins in Thursday, February 20...This Thursday!!!! If you would like to donate, you can do so by clicking on the "donate" button on this page or you can give directly to our Chase Bank account 322271627

We are so thankful to all who have been praying and supporting us financially. You are a blessing to us!!!

Learning Lessons

We are learning...so many things. Of course we are always learning, but it seems as though, as we step out in faith and  move ahead with what we believe God is calling us to, He continues to point out our weaknesses. We have the head knowledge that we are all weak and need to rely on God for strength, but it is times like this that we are made painfully aware of our deficiencies. 

LESSON #1

We have overcome so many obstacles in the past few weeks; needing new brakes, broken washing machine, leaky roof, and have not let anything distract us from God’s calling. But...this past weekend, we were forced to look at some family relational issues that needed some work. Nothing major, but issues nonetheless. 

We decided on Friday afternoon that we should have a hot chocolate stand to help earn money for our training with HFI (Hope Force International). We were successful in pulling this together in a short amount of time...but not without bickering. I know....its shocking!! I can hear you all now: 

“Wait! Your kids fight, too?”

YES!! And Saturday was a special day for that!! For the most part, the kids did a great job. They worked hard to get everything gathered and packed and moved to the corner, they were enthusiastic salesmen, and they enjoyed being out in the rain and cold (no, really, they did). At one point I had to tell Max and Bailey to put their shoes back on because I thought it would be a bad reflection on our family to have them running around in the rain and cold barefooted. 

But....they bickered....probably my biggest pet peeve.  Little things became big things and bickering turned to arguments. On any other day, we would deal with things like this in the usual way and move on, but on this day, it was as if my eyes were opened to a problem that had been festering for some time. Its easy to get caught up in the busyness of our lives and NOT deal with the little relational issues between siblings. Its easy to chose to separate them or distract/redirect them. But what I realized (really re-realized) is that we needed to deal with their hearts. 

We had some work to do. I decided that if we are going to serve others as God wants us to do, we were going to need to work on serving each other in love so that we can have an effective witness with others outside of our family. So let the work begin: 

“For the love of Christ controls us. because we have concluded this:

That One has died for all, therefore all have died; and He died for all, that those who live

might no longer live for themselves

but for Him who for their sake died

and was raised.”

2 Corinthians 5:14-15

This is the first of many verses that will be memorized as we learn to serve others as Christ served us by dying on the cross for us. We are and always will be a work in progress. 

LESSON #2

God does not require perfection. I have known this for a long time. I am the first one to admit that I don’t always do everything the right way; in parenting, in my personal walk with Christ, in life in general. But for some reason, when I think of people who have been called by God to go serve as missionaries, I put them up on a pedestal and have some grandiose idea that they somehow are more perfect than myself and someday I may be as spiritual as they are and THEN God could use me.....I know....its ridiculous. 

The fact is, God will be glorified in our weakness. We are ALL broken and in need of a saviour. Our brokenness is what allows others to see Christ. There are countless stories in God’s Word about broken people being used by God to achieve amazing things. 

So, God....we are broken....so that Your light may shine through.

LESSON #3

After Saturday’s sale, we were officially half way to our support goal. Praise God!! But that meant that we still had $1500 to raise in less than two weeks. This also meant that we needed to make a decision to go ahead and make arrangements to attend the February training, trusting that God would provide the rest, or put it off and wait until August. We didn’t have exactly what we had set as the goal for that decision, but we got another donation on Sunday afternoon that helped us to see that God was working and had a plan. His plan was that we needed to trust him!! 

So we took a huge step in faith and made our plane reservations for the February training. I love when God gives affirmation when you need it the most. Shortly after we made those reservations, we received two more donations!!! God is faithful and He has a plan. 

We are learning so much as we follow the path set out for us. We are so very thankful to the people who are supporting us in prayer. Please continue!! Also, to those who have donated...Thank You, Thank you, Thank you!! 

Financial update: We still need $1,300. We are waiting to hear if HFI has found a place for us to stay in Washington. This would cut costs by about $300. If you would like to donate, you can click the donate button at the top of the page, or you can give directly to our missions bank account.

Chase Bank

Acct #3070660799

See Shorts Go

                                           “Many hands make light work” 

This mantra can be heard on any given day at our house. I’d like to say that it was due to quick thinking and amazing parenting skills, but if I’m completely honest, I think it was out of the desperation of a mama with lot of little ones. It was an attempt to rally the troops to get a job done that I was too exhausted to complete myself. Regardless the origin, the phrase is heard quite a bit around here. Thankfully, it has proved itself to be true over and over again. It is true in the yard, in the house, carrying wood, putting away groceries and so much more. We have had the opportunity to use our “many hands” in the neighborhood, with family, friends, friends of friends and even strangers. 

About two years ago, we were all sitting around our dinner table. Jordan and Desiree were visiting and Trevor and Ally were here as well. Which meant we were ALL here. All 14 of us. The noise level at dinner can be crazy and this evening was no different. Multiple conversations at one time covering everything from  amusement parks to super heros. Disneyland versus California Adventure, Batman versus Spiderman. You get the picture. At some point the conversation turned to missions. These were a few of the questions that were asked, “What could God do with our family?” “How could God use our family to bless others?” What happened next was so amazing. All of the kids got so excited and started to express some incredible ideas. The younger ones were ready to pack their bags and go, the older ones were excited but knew it wouldn’t be right away, and us old fogies, overwhelmed by the upcoming college graduation of one son and the wedding of the other son, couldn’t look past those events to see what God had planned. It was fun to dream, but the reality is that we have bills and events and work and school....

Needless to say, we put our “God dream” on the back burner...for two years. 

This year at Christmas, we got to sit down again at the dinner table. Once again the conversation turned toward God’s will for our family. We discovered that many of the ideas for service involved disaster relief and how we could help people who have experienced loss due to some natural disaster. We initially talked about just loading everyone up in the van, driving to the effected area, jumping out and helping people clean up their messes. We quickly realized that it probably wouldn’t be that easy and we would need some kind of training or clearance to get into the effected areas. After doing some research, we discovered that (no surprise) we were right. We had been learning in church that God calls ALL of us to serve others in His name and that we shouldn’t be so focussed on our circumstances that we become paralyzed and unable to pursue what God lays on our hearts. This is much easier said than done. Dan decided that we would begin to look into the areas God could use us...All of us! We believe that God is calling us as a family and we know that this would limit our possibilities. Jordan found a blog written by a man who had felt drawn to disaster relief as we were. He answered many of the questions that we had and helped us concentrate our efforts towards and appropriate end; serving others in the name of God. 

First of all, in this blog he answered a few of the big issues that were holding us back; time and money. In order to go and serve, Dan, Jordan, Desiree, Trevor and Alyssa would all be needing to take time off of work. This bloggers answer to this was, you don’t know until you’ve tried. When he made it known at his place of employment what he was going to do, people stepped up and offered him their vacation days. And when it came to the money issue, he was shocked at how people came out of the woodwork to help financially. They also donated frequent flyer miles and hotel stays. 

So with those questions addressed in this bog, we felt like we had the encouragement to move forward. Phase one is training. Dan and I are in the process of being CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) trained. When we finish this course, we will be certified to be first responders in the event of a large disaster that consumes the resources of that area. In other words if all of the firefighters, paramedics, police officers are being used, we will be put to work. We are learning the basics of triage, first aid, search and rescue and Incident command systems. CERT is a nationally recognized program and would allow us to help in any state in the nation. 

The next step was to join an organization that was already recognized and welcomed to assist in a disaster. In our research we came across and organization called Hope Force International (HFI). Partnering with the Salvation Army, HFI goes into areas that have been affected by crisis and disaster and provide many different types of relief; medical, spiritual, physical and emotional. It has been so amazing to see how God has already equipped our family to be a perfect fit for HFI. They have a chaplain division which would be a great place for Jordan to use his pastoral skills. Desiree will be able to use her nursing skills in their medical division. Trevor has extensive training in all aspects of Emergency response including chain saw operation and fire suppression. Dan will be able to use his gifting to help assess injuries and apply first aid, and he may also be able to use his food distribution experience to help handle incoming donations. Alyssa’s dog training experience will help with animals in the area who have become homeless. As for me and the rest of the kids, we have LOTS of experience cleaning up messes and that’s what we will be doing!! 

So what’s the next step? We need to attend HFI training in Washington and the two dates that are available are February 20-23 and August. We are going to try to make it to the February training so that we can be available this summer to be deployed, but in order to do that we need to raise some support. It will cost about $500 per person for travel and training. In order to cut costs, we are only planning on taking 6 of us for now. 

We believe God is calling us to service and we would love for you to partner with us in two ways; Prayer and finances. In the past few weeks since we made these decisions, we have had some “speed bumps” that have come along and tried to derail our mission, yet we are determined to stay the course and make it to the training. Prayer for focus, finances, safe travel, and details. God knows our needs and is faithful. We believe he will resource what He calls, so we are asking you to support us financially as well. We have put a link on our blog where you will be allowed to donate online directly into our mission account. We would like to thank you ahead of time for your generosity and for your fervent prayers on our behalf. If you have any questions, feel free to comment or find me or any one of us on facebook. 

Roller Coaster Ride

Dan and I have been parents now for 23 years. We have learned so much over the course of time that it''s hard to focus my writing on one area. I guess thats why, when I sit down at the computer and my mind is flooded with so many subject, stories, lessons I can’t decide where to start. 

Today, the beginning sounds like a good place to start. I have often been asked why we have ten children. “Did you start out your marriage wanting ten children?” “Did you come from a big family?” “Are you Mormon or Catholic?” “Are you crazy?”

To answer these questions superficially would be easy. “No”, “No”, “marginally”, “No”, and “certifiable”. But to really give a good answer, I would need to give some back ground. 

When I was six and in the first grade my younger sister, Julie, was born. When I found out my mom was expecting her,  I could not have been more excited. I went to school every day from the time I found out and told my teacher that my mom had had the baby last night. Of course my teacher new that she wasn’t due until January so she would correct me and redirect me to a more “constructive” activity.  

Eventually, the day came. I was in an assembly with all of the first graders and a teacher interrupted and called me to the front of the class. She told me my dad was waiting outside for me. I ran as fast as I could to meet him. He told me the wonderful news that Julie Elizabeth had been born and I was a big sister for the second time. 

I don’t even remember if I went back to school and the rest of the time my mom was in the hospital was a blur. But I have clear memories of the feelings I had when Julie came home for the first time. I just stared at her. She was absolutely perfect. Her skin was the softest thing I had ever touched and she smelled so sweet. I had a hard time keeping my hands off of her. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I didn’t do a very good job, because my parents bought me a kitten in hopes that I would leave my little sister alone. I don’t think it worked, but my little sister survived my “love” and is a beautiful wife and mother today. 

My love for babies didn'’t end with my sister. I would work in the church nursery every chance I got. I couldn't wait to be old enough to babysit on my own. When that time did come, I babysat every chance I got and loved every minute of it. I remember after one evening of babysitting, I was in the car with the children'’s father. He told me how thankful he was for me and that I had a real knack for taking care of babies. His next words still ring in my ears, “Trina, I bet someday your going to have six kids!” I laughed at him then. Little did he know that those words were prophetic.......only he under estimated. 

Many years later, I met my husband, Dan. We fell in love and made plans for a wedding. As many do, we talked about our future; a house and a family. We talked about how many children we would have. Three, possibly four, but that was pushing it. You see, my husband is an only child and, where he saw the value of having more than one, he knew his limits and four was the limit. I was happy with that because there were four children in my family and that worked out pretty well for us, so it was settled; three or four. 

At this point, looking back, I can see God looking down on us and saying, “Oh ye of little faith. I have much bigger plans for you than that.” Of course, there is a reason that we can’t see what God’s plans are ahead of time. If I had been told at that point in my life that God planned for us to have ten children, I probably would have run away screaming. God was right not to let me in on his little secret, I didn’t have enough faith to have ten children. I didn’t have enough patience or strength or courage to have ten. God, in his wisdom, just said “three or four sounds great. You just get started.” And so we did. Jordan came first in March of 1990. Then, as most “normal” people do, we waited the perfect 2.5 years and Trevor was born in 1992. 

Little did we know, that was just the beginning of a breath-taking roller coaster ride. . .

I can hear the clicking of the car as it’s being pulled onto the tracks.

 I feel the anxious anticipation of an unknown ride. . .  click, click, click . . .the upward climb . . .

When Jordan and Trevor were 3 ½ and almost 1, God called us to the mission field. We went to the Philippines on a short term mission. In the days before the trip, Dan and I had many long conversations about God’s faithfulness in His provisions for this trip (which were nothing short of miraculous). We talked about how awesome it was to hear His voice telling us this is where we needed to be, and how amazing it felt to put all of our trust in Him and be led on such an incredible adventure. . . 

the click, click, click of the coaster being pulled further up the hill. . .

But were we really putting ALL of our trust in Him? Dan and I spent hours talking about what it really meant to trust in a God that we believed was sovereign. Had we really given control of every part of our lives to Him? If we could trust God to send us half way around the world with our two little boys, if we could trust Him to provide the finances, if we could trust Him for our safety . . .

click, click, click . . .

. . .then what about our family. What about when babies come and how many we have? I remember the conversation we had one humid night in Manilla, reading through the verses in Psalms 127 that say: ”Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep. Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth, How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with the enemies in the gate. I remember praying that God would make His way clear and I remember Dan saying we need to put this in God’s hands and let him plan our family. . . 

still climbing, only now I’m looking over at Dan and he’s got his hands held high to get the best ride possible.

 I couldn’t pry my white knuckles off the lap bar and close my eyes tight. . . we are nearing the top . . .

 two months later I was pregnant with our third child. Madison was born in July of 1994. . . 

the descent begins with a rush . . .

I remember thinking that just because we were allowing God to plan our family didn’t necessarily mean we would have more than four children. Again I can hear God chuckle. . . 

and we gain momentum . . .

Moriah was born 14 months later in September of 1995, then in 16 months, Hannah was born, January 1997. . .

the first turn. I loosen my grip and raise my hands high in the air. . .

18 months and Hudson arrived, July 1998. On my birthday in September, 1999 I miscarried our 7^th child . . .  

Our car turns upside down and I am overcome with fear. 

 I grip the bar tight and hold on

By November I was pregnant again, only ultrasounds show it is not a viable pregnancy and we must wait 2 weeks to confirm . . .

Another loop and I'm still holding on

Two weeks pass and an ultrasound confirms that precious heart beat . . .

Out of the loops and I loosen my grip

and in August of 2000 Payton James was born. . .

I manage to let go again and even let out a little scream of excitement

July 2002, Bailey came . . . New Year’s day, 2005 Abigail arrived . . .

This is the best ride ever and it’s not over yet!!!!

Finally on March 30, 2007 Maximus Isaac was born. . .

His birth was very difficult. There were medical complication that let us know that God was closing this chapter of our lives. After weeks of prayer, I had a much needed surgery that would end my ability to bare children. As difficult and painful as the surgery was, there was such a peace. The kind we knew could only come from God. I remember the nurses asking me if I was sad. I said “No. My uterus has served me well and it’s time to say goodbye.” I think I told them I was going to have it bronzed but I might have dreamt that in the haze of anesthesia. 

Our train slows as it returns to the station. I look over at Dan and he looks at me. 

Our hair is a mess, our eyes are watery and we are both out of breath, but we made it!! 

God tells us this ride is over and directs us to the next roller coaster. 

We settle in and this time I’ve got my arms up before the lap bar even goes down. 

This roller coaster is called graduations, college, weddings and even grand babies . . . 

woooohoooo! Let’s go!!!

Marriage is not for wimps

Over the last several months, I have received information that I find surprising and tragic. I have to admit that I wrestle with mixed emotions and sometimes need to fight the urge to hunt these people down and thump them on the head. I suppose that, at my current age and life stage, this is considered “normal” and that makes me want to scream even louder! 

Here’s the problem. Several of our peer couples are splitting up. Ugh! Just writing that makes my stomach turn. The selfishness that this implies just baffles me. Its as if they are saying “Yes, I know this is selfish, but I am going to do it anyhow. Because I deserve better” 

If you are one of those people, you should stop reading now, because you are not going to like what I have to say. 

Here’s an example:( No names and I may or may not mix up which spouse did what.) Married for 20 years, multiple children now somewhere around high school age. Husband works in an industry that has been hurt by the rotten economy. He comes home grumpy and depressed. Honestly, he is not a whole lot of fun to be around. AND the money that used to supply his wife’s necessities (mani pedi, sissy-la-la coffee drinks, “fresh” wardrobe choices) is no longer coming in. There is, however,  still enough money to pay all the bills and keep the kids in private school. Clearly her life is a mess, wouldn’t you agree? Well, if you are her friend and you dare to disagree, your friendship will come to a grinding halt. She will surround herself with people who will “tickle her ears” with only the things she wants to hear. “Oh Honey. You deserve better.” “You deserve someone who....”

Well, there happens to be “someone” at her place of employment who is happy to see her, gives her attention, compliments her clothes, and supports her disdain for her husband...and it happens to be a man. 

I don’t even want to justify this story by telling how it ends. Lets just say...it ends. There are lots of stories just like this one. Tragic stories about wimpy people who quit when things get tough. Most of the time I can excuse them because they don’t know any better. But this case is different. This couple and several others sat under the same teaching that Dan and I did. They heard what God’s word says about marriage and commitment and promises and commitment! Were they just not listening? Were they absent that day? NO! They heard....every....word.

Marriage is a commitment made before God. It is a promise to love, honor and cherish....forever. There are no clauses that say if the going gets tough you can find another option. 

There are only two times in life that God’s will for you will be so crystal clear; Marriage and children. My friends, when you said “I do” you chose a path. You made a commitment to love and honor your spouse. God has made His will clear to you. 

Ladies, there is nothing in God’s word that says love him.... 

if he earns enough money,

 if he is happy, 

if he is nice to you, 

if he helps with the kids

or the house

or the yard

or even if he deserves it. 

We are called to love our husband as if he were Jesus. 

I chose to marry Dan 25 years ago. Dan is an amazing husband and father. He is my best friend. He protects and provides for me. He loves me.....but he is certainly not perfect. We have had our share of struggles; financial, emotional, spiritual... Dan is not always happy, but I choose to love him. Dan is not always nice, but I choose to love him. Dan does not always deserve my love, but I choose to give it to him anyhow. And quite honestly, I am not always happy or nice and Lord knows I  don’t always deserve the love that Dan shows for me. Just keepin’ in real.

So what does it look like to show love to someone who doesn’t always deserve it? 

It means having hard conversations. 

It means not always needing to be right. 

It means letting an unkind word go unnoticed. 

It means meeting his needs even though you might feel at the time like your needs are not being met. 

It means having grace in times that are tough. 

It means looking at the loss of a job as a thrilling adventure and not a scary situation. 

It means choosing to sit down and watch the game with him while the house is a mess and the kids run amuck. It means having a willing spirit when he says “I have an idea!” 

It means saying “its OK,  it’ll work out.” instead of “I told you so.” 

It means not pointing out his weaknesses in order to make yourself feel better.

It means being his biggest cheerleader.

It means considering it a privilege to share his bed.

It means talking to your children about what an amazing man he is.

It means greeting him everyday when he comes home from work like he’s been gone for a month.

I will be the first to admit that I do not consistently live up to this list. I fail on a regular basis, but I strive for this. I know that this is a partial list of the things God has called me to do as the one called to love this man. 

Several years ago, Dan lost his job. He was devastated. He took a risk and it didn’t pay off. He was angry at the world and especially at God. He looked for work to no end. And as time went by, he got very depressed. My response at first was one of support. I tried to be an encourager without being a nag. Slowly, I slipped in the nag trap, and slowly I became angry. I woke up every morning, got the kids ready for the day, and began our school. I was teaching 6 of our 8 children while taking care of the other two who were too young for school. While Dan would sleep in late only to get up and fall back to sleep on the couch (a sign of serious depression). The house was falling apart around us and he was sleeping on the couch. I could have found any number of ladies who would have supported me in my anger and brewing discontent with the man I had married. But I didn’t. God knew what I needed and He was sure I got it. I was involved with a small group of women who knew me very well. We were studying a book call ”Created to be His Helpmeet”. That book was teaching me what God’s word says about my calling as a wife. It was telling me to love my husband whether he deserves it or not and by loving him I was honoring and obeying the God who created me; the God in whose presence I made the commitment to love and honor my husband. 

Sadly, I am one stubborn cookie. I had “I deserve” conversations with God. 

I deserve someone who will help me with the kids.

I deserve someone who will fix things around the house

I deserve someone who will mow the lawns

I deserve someone who has a job

I deserve someone who will take me out on dates

I deserve to be able to go on vacations

I deserve.... 

The “I deserve” game is a dangerous game to play

What was God’s response to my ramblings?

“Trina, you deserve to spend the rest of eternity in the pit of Hell because you are a sinner who falls short of my glory every day. I had to watch my Son suffer and die on a cross in order that you might have the hope of living in eternity.” 

......Perspective.....

Oh Man!! Did I have some work to do. I had to correct my attitude, my thoughts, my behaviors. I began to serve Dan. I would make breakfast for him so it was ready when he woke up, I made lunch for him first and brought it to him on the couch. I Made sure he had what he needed and then, I made sure the lawns were mowed and the weeds were pulled. I did it alone or with the kids. I didn’t do it with any expectations, I didn’t do it with a chip on my shoulder. I didn’t do it begrudgingly. But I did it with a happy attitude as unto the Lord. And do you know what happened?

Dan started getting up earlier. He started helping with the kids, he started looking for work, he started taking care of the yard....it was like a miracle! A happy miracle that I was not expecting. He found his way out of the muck and mire of depression because I was obedient to God. 

It often makes me wonder if I had been obedient from the beginning if maybe things wouldn’t have been so bad, or if maybe things in our marriage would be different. I eventually apologized to Dan for not being the wife God called me to be and therefore effecting our marriage in a negative way. He was bewildered, but graciously forgave me. 

Our marriage is stronger today than ever. Dan is still an amazing husband and father. He loves me no matter what. He loves me when I’m grumpy, when I’m forgetful, when I’m tired, when I’m angry....That dark  period in our marriage didn’t last very long, but we both learned so much and are better because of it. 

My point is this: Marriage is not for wimps. Its hard work. The first thing you need to do to mend a marriage that is in trouble is to look in the mirror. Take a long, hard look at the person staring back at you and decide if you really want what you “deserve” or if you want to delight in the marriage God has given you. It really is that simple. I realize that in the real world there are some very serious issues within a marriage that are incredibly difficult and may need counseling, but it really does begin with a self examination. A time of confession that begins with "I", not "he"or "you". More importantly, ask the God of the Universe, the One who caused the "two to become one" to restore what he created.

And for those of you who have chosen to walk away from a marriage and still read this entire post, seek God, seek help from the one who created you. You will one day answer to Him. 

All of this post was read and approved by Dan

Launching an arrow

Psalms 127:3-5

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,

The fruit of the womb a reward

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,

So are the children of one’s youth

How blessed is the man 

whose quiver is full of them.

They will not be ashamed

When they speak with their 

enemies in the gate.

Well, we launched another arrow this weekend. We took Madison to Sacramento to start the next chapter of her life. I can’t tell you how many times I was asked if this weekend was going to be hard for me. The answer to that is more complicated than it would seem. I am thrilled for Maddy. She has been looking forward to this for a long time and I know she will be fine. There will be struggles, of that I am certain. But Madison is one of the strongest people I know. She knows who she is, she knows what she believes. Ask her. I promise she will tell you. 

Madison is my third child and my first daughter. Her older brothers presented us with what I would consider in hind sight to be very normal challenges. We worked on things like obeying mommy and daddy, playing nice, using manners...typical parenting stuff. Maddy was born on July 2nd and that should have been our warning. She is the quintessential fire cracker. As a new born, she was very similar to the  boys. She ate well, slept well, did the same things her brothers did at that age. When she was six months old, Madison had what I thought was a cold. When the boys had gotten a cold, I would just let it run its course and they would recover and move on. This cold wouldn’t go away. She was constantly coughing and was barely able to eat between coughing fits. 

I called the doctor and he said I should take her to the ER. When we walked into triage, her oxygen level was dangerously low (mid-70’s). The hospital staff rushed her back and began treating her. I’m not sure there is anything more scary to a young mom than the look of concern on a doctor’s face as he is examining her child. They worked quickly and before I even knew what was happening, they had her connected to tubes and machines and admitted her for her first stay in the hospital. 

Over the course of the next week, Dan and I took turns staying with her while the hospital staff did their job. She underwent breathing treatments, percussion therapy sessions, suction, IV antibiotics and steroids. Madison tolerated the necessary measures. After each treatment, she would resume the exact same position. She would lay on her back, propped up on a pillow, put her hands behind her head and turn her face away. Even though I knew she was going to make a full recovery, watching this was heart breaking. 

She spent a week in the hospital and was sent home on all kinds of medicines. Having never gone through anything like this before, we had no idea what these types of drugs could do to a little person. The doctors gave us very serious instructions and warnings about the steroids especially. And even at six months olds, we saw behavioral differences that were...well, unsettling. She got very angry....and very happy...and very excited...All of her emotions were extreme. 

Madison made a full recovery. I believe the steroids had given us a glimpse into the future with her, because even though she was no longer taking them, she remained very angry, very happy, very excited...

Exactly one year later, Madison had to make another trip to the ER. She had been battling a cold, with a slight cough, but still had all kinds of energy so we thought she had kicked this one. We went to church and took her to childcare as we did every Sunday. A close friend of mine was working in her class that day. When we came to pick her up, my friend (a mother who had experience with asthma) recommended that I take Madison in to the doctor because her cough sounded suspicious. 

I noticed later that day that her color was not good and she was breathing faster than she should be, so I decided to go ahead and take her to the ER. Not my favorite place.

When we got to the there, Madison was surprisingly happy. She greeted every man, woman and child she passed with an enthusiastic “HI!”. She didn’t want to sit on my lap, but wanted to be down and playing. Yuck! playing in the ER! Fortunately, they called us back to triage quickly so we could avoid that battle of the wills. (There was no way I was going to let my 18 month old get down to play in the children’s hospital emergency room) The nurse who examined Madison inquired about my concerns. I told him I was concerned about her breathing. He looked at this happy, playful, talkative little girl and said “Oh, I’m sure she's fine.” I said “Looks can be deceiving.” The nurse lifted her shirt to watch her chest. With every breath, Madison’s ribs protruded from her sides. “Hmm” was the nurses reply. He got the oxygen monitor and put it on her finger...waited...took it off and put it on a different finger...waited...He went to another room and retrieved another moniter, changed the leads and put it on her finger...waited...

There it was again! That look of concern. He had not allowed me to see the numbers on the machines until this moment.  73%... He apologized and told me that a child with a reading that low should be lethargic and blue. Once again, hospital staff went to work and she was admitted and “hooked up”. This time, however, she was no longer the compliant six month old who tolerated the treatments. She had become a fierce fighter. They needed to get an IV in her arm. It took six people just to put her in a papoose. Madison had worked up such a sweat during the struggle that as soon as they had all turned around she wiggle herself out. At this point she was too sweaty to be able to proceed and she was getting so worked up that she had started coughing again. They allowed me to hold her and gave her a breathing treatment which helped her calm down and she eventually fell asleep. They were able to get her in the papoose while she was asleep and finished putting in the IV. 

So here we are. Back at the same hospital, for the same reason, having the same treatments. Only this time Madison was a totally different child. Every time someone in a white coat attempted to come close to her she would start swinging. You see, in order to stabilize the arm with the IV, they put on a stiff splint that went from her elbow to the tips of her fingers. Instant weapon!! Dan was the only one that could convince her to allow anyone near her. Several nurses attempted to treat her before Dan had a chance to keep her calm. She would stick her “weapon” through the slats in the hospital crib and start whacking. Needless to say, we made many apologies that week. 

Once again, Madison stayed for a week and came home on lots of drugs. This time it was a little more of a challenge to give her the treatments at home. The only way we could get her to sit for a breathing treatment was to sing “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart”. (She loved the sit on a tack part) Whatever works, right? 

Madison had the same side effects as before. She was more angry, more happy, and more excited and now we could add extremely impulsive to this list. 

Fast forward to the following year. Same week, same problem. Only this time, we were ready for it and were able to keep her out of the hospital. The doctors decided there was something that she was allergic to that must bloom at that time every year. We were careful to not spend much time outside and to keep windows closed. However, she still had issues. We made many trips to the doctor’s office, and he was willing to work with us to try to keep her at home. While we didn’t have to go to the hospital, we did have to put her back on all of the drugs again. 

Her reactions to the steroids were the same. They made her crazy! Our nickname for her during this time was “Mad Maddy”. She was a force to be reckoned with. They had to promote her early at church because she was too rough with the children her age so they put her in a group of kids that were older than her so they could survive her escapades. We had to keep a very watchful eye on her at home because now she had two little sisters (18 months and 2 months old) who were vulnerable to her attack. 

Dan and I started to notice that she was becoming “that kid”. You know the one I’m talking about. The one that is always in trouble. The one who couldn't keep her hands to herself. The one who was going to climb to the top and jump off......of everything. And then convince all of the rest of the kids to do the same. So we learned quickly how to help Madison. We learned to watch for signs that she was becoming overwhelmed or mischievous or bored. We learned to separate her from potentially volatile situations far before anyone even noticed. We learned that she needed quick discipline and lots and lots of patience. We felt like we were on the right track until....

The next year. same week. Very different problem. We had gotten control of all of Madison’s breathing issues, managed her medications and felt like this year was going to be different. Then, in the middle of the night, 3 1/2 year old Maddy came into my room. She reached up to me and woke me up. She said her head hurt and it hurt her legs to walk. I was in the “7 months pregnant, middle of the night stupor”. I felt her head and she was warm so i got up, gave her tylenol and took her back to her bed. I stayed with her until she had settled and then i went back to bed. I figured that she was just achy because she had caught some kind of flu virus. In the morning, Madison crawled out of her room...she was crawling. This is my crazy girl who has been walking, running, jumping, climbing for 2 years. Why was she crawling?!? I picked her up and saw that her feet and hands were very swollen. I examined her further to find that where i had picked her up the night before, she had tiny red spots that all together looked like bruises. It literally looked like bruises in the shape of my hands on her sides under her arms where I had lifted her. I was horrified. I called the doctor and he told me to come to his office, but to enter through the back door. He took one look at her and sent us to the hospital. They took us right into a room and began working...again. 

There is one thing worse that the look of concern on the doctors’ faces. Its the look of concern covered by not one, but two masks. I had no idea what was going on. They were not doing any of the familiar treatments and no one was talking to me. At this point Madison was a limp rag doll. They had poked her to take a blood sample and she hadn’t even flinched. I asked questions, but the only thing they could tell me is that they were admitting her and they didn’t know what was wrong. 

Now for the fourth year in a row, Madison was receiving IV antibiotics and.....steroids. They never figured out what caused this illness, but I later found out from one of the ER nurses that they thought she had a fatal bacterial infection. The double masked staff and lack of communication all made sense. Maddy eventually recovered from this mystery illness and I am happy to report that she has NOT been back to the hospital since. 

Some months later, we were at a church family function. I don’t remember what Madison had done, but it required a trip to the bathroom for some of that quick discipline I talked about earlier. (Madison was no stranger to the bathroom for that purpose.) A close friend had seen Madison and I come out of the restroom and knew the purpose for the visit. She caught my eye and I said “She’ll be lucky if she lives to see four!” To be honest, raising madison was a big job. But there were several factors that made this even harder. By the time Madison was four, we had a total of six kids. She was a high-energy child while I was no-energy mommy. It was all I could do to keep up with her. Dan was amazing during this time because he would take her to work with him as often as he could. He would take her to the store or to the park or just out for a drive, just to use up some of her energy. 

Madison was our first strong-willed child. Dan and I spent many hours praying for wisdom and reading the bible to try and figure out how to teach her to gain self-control, yet embrace who God created her to be. We looked up verses in the bible that taught about controlling anger, using kind words, self-control, loving one another. We taught her those verses. She was a child who loved to push on the boundaries, but who was relieved when the boundaries remained intact. She was our first child to yell at me and slam her bedroom door. (Testing the boundary) The very real threat that I would take her door off the hinges was enough to stop her from ever doing that again. (Boundary intact) She was the first child to fight with her brother after being told if it happened again they would be tied together. (testing the boundary) She spent an entire day tied to her big brother at the ankle. (Boundary intact) .....

Madison was also my first child to go stand by the flagpole at school alone and bow her head to pray. I watched as one student after another joined her until there were more than a dozen students holding hands and praying. I have seen her make incredibly difficult decisions based on what God calls her to and not based on what everybody else is doing. I have seen her handle disappointment when those decisions didn’t make her popular and as those who made other choices moved up the social ladder in her place.

Madison has a very real sense of who God is and what He means in her life. She knows that she is loved unconditionally not only by her parents, but by a fiercely loving God whose plans for her are far more important than anything this world can throw in her way. God has rewarded her for her patience and perseverance. (two words I never thought would apply to her) She has become a beautiful woman inside and out. One whom I know is capable of handling all that God has planned for her. 

My experience this weekend was bittersweet. But what makes it easier for me is that I have seen God mold and shape Madison from the time she was that tiny little girl sitting in her rocking chair hooked up to the “Choo Choo”. I have seen God’s faithfulness in sparing her life from whatever the mystery illness was. I am excited for Maddy because I know wherever she goes she will be a reflection of His glory. I will deeply miss my daughter, Madison, but I can’t wait to see where this arrow will land and how many people her life will effect in the name of Jesus. 

If you would like to read more about Madison, I wrote about her several years ago in a post called “High Energy Children”

Enjoy!