soccer moms and teenagers

I was at Madison's soccer game this week. It was a very interesting game; not because of anything that happened on the field, but because of what I heard on the sidelines. Our schedule was busy this Saturday so I had the rare opportunity to be at the game by myself. Usually we bring a whole cheering section, and, needless to say, I don't hear much of the other conversations happening around me. So this was indeed a rare occasion. So I was sitting there minding my own business...OK I was eves dropping...anyway, I was stunned by what I heard. Two moms who were sitting behind me were talking about their teenagers. They were complaining about how hard they were to deal with. This, of course, piqued my curiosity...considering that I currently have four teenagers. They continued and one talked about how teenagers almost have no choice but to be difficult because "they have access to so much these days." (I will address this in a moment) The other emphatically agreed and told about her son who is hanging out with a group of friends who have been getting in trouble for drinking. Of course, she assured her friend, her son wasn't drinking. He was just hanging out with the boys who were. (seriously???) There were lots more stories shared between these two moms; one whose son wrecked their car, another of a texting conversation that went something like this:

mom: So what are you guys doing tonight?

son: noyb (translation for those of you "non-texters":none of your business.)

mom: what time will you be home?

son: idk (translation: I don't know)

and so on...

I have been thinking about that conversation ever since then and have been completely convicted. (You know I'm feeling strongly about something when it actually makes me sit down and blog about it...but let's not talk about how long its been!) This whole situation absolutely grieves me! It makes me so sad for the kids and even a little angry at the parents. (Ok a lot angry!)

I would like to address a few things right off the bat:

First of all, those teenagers only have access to the things that you allow. Do you have computers? Where are they? Maybe they have their own computer and its in their room. Do you have cable/comcast/satellite? Maybe they have a TV in their room. Do they have a cell phone? Maybe its an iphone with complete access to whatever they want to look at whenever they want to look at it. This list could go on and on. Now before you put yet another freak feather in my already blooming freak hat, we are not anti-technology. We own computers and cell phones. We don't have cable TV, but not because we are against it. We have to cut corners somewhere and that is one of the corners we have to cut. However, our computers are only to be used in public places and our phones don't have internet access. One of our sons has an itouch that does have internet access, but he understands that it will randomly be checked by his father to see where he has been and what he has been looking at. That's called accountability! Any internet in our home (facebook, email, itouch...) comes with accountability.

Secondly, if that mom (or any other, for that matter) truly believes that her son hangs out with the other guys who are known for drinking heavily and is not drinking, I've got a bridge to sell her!! Honestly, how much fun could that possibly be? The only time it's fun to hang out with buddies who are sauced is when you've thrown back a few cold ones yourself. (not that I have any experience at all) ...moving on

And how about that texting conversation? As long as you are living under my roof, IT IS MY BUSINESS!!! (My father's voice is echoing in my head right now) My guess is that the cell phone is being paid for by the parents and the car he used to get to the party belongs to or was paid for by his parents as well....and the insurance...and the gas...

Honestly though, as crazy as it sounds, these things are irrelevant. These parents could make all the rules and regulations in the world and it won't make a difference. The very sad fact is that they have already lost these kids. Does that sound brutal?! It is!! My heart breaks for these families yet I don't think they even realize what they are missing.

This is the point that my mind has gone back to again and again this week. I have been considering my own family and how much I enjoy my four teenagers. I love who they are. I love who they are becoming. I love spending time with them, talking to them, listening to them. I love watching them contemplate what God is doing in their lives and talking through hard choices with friends or at school. I love hearing their heart. Teenagers are on the verge of life. It is as exciting to me as the moments just before they were born and watching them take their first breath.

So why is it so different for me than for these moms at the soccer game and so many others like them? I'm not sure I have the answer to that, but I can tell you what I know. Dan and I have not done everything right. We are 100% consistant in one thing....making mistakes. However, we have the Bible, the inspired word of God to guide us and that is what we have turned to for guidance. We believe that children are a blessing from the Lord based on Psalm 127 and that blessings are intended to be enjoyed. But how did we get to this place? Why do I enjoy them so much? Why do they talk to me? These are the questions that have been floating around my head and honestly, I'm not sure that I can even get all of my thoughts down in writing without writing a novel, but I'll try.

1. Discipline

OK...I know for sure this could be a whole book by itself....maybe someday.......For now,

God calls us to discipline our children. Proverbs is full of verses about discipline - what happens if you do and what happens if you don't - the internet is a great resource to look up bible verses (biblegateway.com is a great resource for looking up verses or doing word studies in the bible) Hebrews 13 is also a great chapter on discipline. For the sake of time I will some it up. If you love your children and want what's best for them, discipline them. God disciplines those he loves. How much do you love your children? Discipline is not pleasant for anyone involved, but beneficial for all. Children need you to be the parent. They need to know their boundaries. They need to know they are loved.

2. Fellowship

Discipline is important, discipline without relationship is tyranny. The unwritten rule at our house is that for every time you discipline one of the children, you must spend twice that amount of time in sweet fellowship with them. We call it the "2fer". (Two for One) Your children need to know that you honestly enjoy them. You need to spend face to face time with them. Play with them, walk with them, laugh with them, hug them, tickle them, tell them you love them. These are my favorites: play in the mud with them, jump on the bed with them, build tree forts with them, shoot spud guns with them....Make them feel like there is no other place you would rather be than right here on the floor building Legos or playing Polly Pockets. Smile at them!! If you have a two-year-old you are thinking to yourself right now "when was the last time I smiled at them?" Don't feel bad, it's not too late...ok maybe it's too late tonight, but start the day by smiling at them and telling them that you love them!

3. Be a part of their world

Those moms were right. Kids have access to a lot of negative, influential things these days. How will you know what they are listening to, watching, reading if you don't participate in their lives? Of course I'm talking about older kids now, but one of the things that we decided to do was to be one step ahead of our children in the music they listen to. So we pay attention to what is popular. We buy the cds first and we actually listen to them. Yes, even the screamo. Here's the kicker...we honestly like it. If you listen to something long enough, you might just find that you like it. We get excited about movies with them, we read books together... I think there are a lot of parents who live completely separate lives from their children. In fact, sadly, I think that is more the norm that I might want to even know. All I can say is that's not the case for us. And the result? "Dad, me and my friends are going to the movies. Do you want to come with us?" "Mom, you should come with us to summer camp. It's so much fun!!!" Our children choose to spend time with us. They choose to talk to us. They ask us to come with them when they go to the movies. They want us to be a part of their lives. We are not intruding on their "privacy". I can't imagine any of our children when asked "what are you guys doing" ever saying "None of your business"!! And I hope never to hear those words.

I guess I should probably put a "to be continued..." on this post because we only have four teenagers right now, six more to come. I'm sure we are not finished learning, because, Lord knows we are far from perfect. Lots of people have come to me and warned me about the teenage years, especially because we have three girls very close in age. "Just wait until they are teenagers." they would say. Well, I'm here...they are teenagers and I'm lovin'it!! Of course there are days full of hormones and tears, but they are talking to me about it and they know that home is a safe place where they are loved and accepted and cherished and I honestly believe there is no place they would rather be. If you don't believe me...ask them!!

Blessings,

Trina