Psalms 127:3-5
Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,
The fruit of the womb a reward
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth
How blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be ashamed
When they speak with their
enemies in the gate.
Well, we launched another arrow this weekend. We took Madison to Sacramento to start the next chapter of her life. I can’t tell you how many times I was asked if this weekend was going to be hard for me. The answer to that is more complicated than it would seem. I am thrilled for Maddy. She has been looking forward to this for a long time and I know she will be fine. There will be struggles, of that I am certain. But Madison is one of the strongest people I know. She knows who she is, she knows what she believes. Ask her. I promise she will tell you.
Madison is my third child and my first daughter. Her older brothers presented us with what I would consider in hind sight to be very normal challenges. We worked on things like obeying mommy and daddy, playing nice, using manners...typical parenting stuff. Maddy was born on July 2nd and that should have been our warning. She is the quintessential fire cracker. As a new born, she was very similar to the boys. She ate well, slept well, did the same things her brothers did at that age. When she was six months old, Madison had what I thought was a cold. When the boys had gotten a cold, I would just let it run its course and they would recover and move on. This cold wouldn’t go away. She was constantly coughing and was barely able to eat between coughing fits.
I called the doctor and he said I should take her to the ER. When we walked into triage, her oxygen level was dangerously low (mid-70’s). The hospital staff rushed her back and began treating her. I’m not sure there is anything more scary to a young mom than the look of concern on a doctor’s face as he is examining her child. They worked quickly and before I even knew what was happening, they had her connected to tubes and machines and admitted her for her first stay in the hospital.
Over the course of the next week, Dan and I took turns staying with her while the hospital staff did their job. She underwent breathing treatments, percussion therapy sessions, suction, IV antibiotics and steroids. Madison tolerated the necessary measures. After each treatment, she would resume the exact same position. She would lay on her back, propped up on a pillow, put her hands behind her head and turn her face away. Even though I knew she was going to make a full recovery, watching this was heart breaking.
She spent a week in the hospital and was sent home on all kinds of medicines. Having never gone through anything like this before, we had no idea what these types of drugs could do to a little person. The doctors gave us very serious instructions and warnings about the steroids especially. And even at six months olds, we saw behavioral differences that were...well, unsettling. She got very angry....and very happy...and very excited...All of her emotions were extreme.
Madison made a full recovery. I believe the steroids had given us a glimpse into the future with her, because even though she was no longer taking them, she remained very angry, very happy, very excited...
Exactly one year later, Madison had to make another trip to the ER. She had been battling a cold, with a slight cough, but still had all kinds of energy so we thought she had kicked this one. We went to church and took her to childcare as we did every Sunday. A close friend of mine was working in her class that day. When we came to pick her up, my friend (a mother who had experience with asthma) recommended that I take Madison in to the doctor because her cough sounded suspicious.
I noticed later that day that her color was not good and she was breathing faster than she should be, so I decided to go ahead and take her to the ER. Not my favorite place.
When we got to the there, Madison was surprisingly happy. She greeted every man, woman and child she passed with an enthusiastic “HI!”. She didn’t want to sit on my lap, but wanted to be down and playing. Yuck! playing in the ER! Fortunately, they called us back to triage quickly so we could avoid that battle of the wills. (There was no way I was going to let my 18 month old get down to play in the children’s hospital emergency room) The nurse who examined Madison inquired about my concerns. I told him I was concerned about her breathing. He looked at this happy, playful, talkative little girl and said “Oh, I’m sure she's fine.” I said “Looks can be deceiving.” The nurse lifted her shirt to watch her chest. With every breath, Madison’s ribs protruded from her sides. “Hmm” was the nurses reply. He got the oxygen monitor and put it on her finger...waited...took it off and put it on a different finger...waited...He went to another room and retrieved another moniter, changed the leads and put it on her finger...waited...
There it was again! That look of concern. He had not allowed me to see the numbers on the machines until this moment. 73%... He apologized and told me that a child with a reading that low should be lethargic and blue. Once again, hospital staff went to work and she was admitted and “hooked up”. This time, however, she was no longer the compliant six month old who tolerated the treatments. She had become a fierce fighter. They needed to get an IV in her arm. It took six people just to put her in a papoose. Madison had worked up such a sweat during the struggle that as soon as they had all turned around she wiggle herself out. At this point she was too sweaty to be able to proceed and she was getting so worked up that she had started coughing again. They allowed me to hold her and gave her a breathing treatment which helped her calm down and she eventually fell asleep. They were able to get her in the papoose while she was asleep and finished putting in the IV.
So here we are. Back at the same hospital, for the same reason, having the same treatments. Only this time Madison was a totally different child. Every time someone in a white coat attempted to come close to her she would start swinging. You see, in order to stabilize the arm with the IV, they put on a stiff splint that went from her elbow to the tips of her fingers. Instant weapon!! Dan was the only one that could convince her to allow anyone near her. Several nurses attempted to treat her before Dan had a chance to keep her calm. She would stick her “weapon” through the slats in the hospital crib and start whacking. Needless to say, we made many apologies that week.
Once again, Madison stayed for a week and came home on lots of drugs. This time it was a little more of a challenge to give her the treatments at home. The only way we could get her to sit for a breathing treatment was to sing “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart”. (She loved the sit on a tack part) Whatever works, right?
Madison had the same side effects as before. She was more angry, more happy, and more excited and now we could add extremely impulsive to this list.
Fast forward to the following year. Same week, same problem. Only this time, we were ready for it and were able to keep her out of the hospital. The doctors decided there was something that she was allergic to that must bloom at that time every year. We were careful to not spend much time outside and to keep windows closed. However, she still had issues. We made many trips to the doctor’s office, and he was willing to work with us to try to keep her at home. While we didn’t have to go to the hospital, we did have to put her back on all of the drugs again.
Her reactions to the steroids were the same. They made her crazy! Our nickname for her during this time was “Mad Maddy”. She was a force to be reckoned with. They had to promote her early at church because she was too rough with the children her age so they put her in a group of kids that were older than her so they could survive her escapades. We had to keep a very watchful eye on her at home because now she had two little sisters (18 months and 2 months old) who were vulnerable to her attack.
Dan and I started to notice that she was becoming “that kid”. You know the one I’m talking about. The one that is always in trouble. The one who couldn't keep her hands to herself. The one who was going to climb to the top and jump off......of everything. And then convince all of the rest of the kids to do the same. So we learned quickly how to help Madison. We learned to watch for signs that she was becoming overwhelmed or mischievous or bored. We learned to separate her from potentially volatile situations far before anyone even noticed. We learned that she needed quick discipline and lots and lots of patience. We felt like we were on the right track until....
The next year. same week. Very different problem. We had gotten control of all of Madison’s breathing issues, managed her medications and felt like this year was going to be different. Then, in the middle of the night, 3 1/2 year old Maddy came into my room. She reached up to me and woke me up. She said her head hurt and it hurt her legs to walk. I was in the “7 months pregnant, middle of the night stupor”. I felt her head and she was warm so i got up, gave her tylenol and took her back to her bed. I stayed with her until she had settled and then i went back to bed. I figured that she was just achy because she had caught some kind of flu virus. In the morning, Madison crawled out of her room...she was crawling. This is my crazy girl who has been walking, running, jumping, climbing for 2 years. Why was she crawling?!? I picked her up and saw that her feet and hands were very swollen. I examined her further to find that where i had picked her up the night before, she had tiny red spots that all together looked like bruises. It literally looked like bruises in the shape of my hands on her sides under her arms where I had lifted her. I was horrified. I called the doctor and he told me to come to his office, but to enter through the back door. He took one look at her and sent us to the hospital. They took us right into a room and began working...again.
There is one thing worse that the look of concern on the doctors’ faces. Its the look of concern covered by not one, but two masks. I had no idea what was going on. They were not doing any of the familiar treatments and no one was talking to me. At this point Madison was a limp rag doll. They had poked her to take a blood sample and she hadn’t even flinched. I asked questions, but the only thing they could tell me is that they were admitting her and they didn’t know what was wrong.
Now for the fourth year in a row, Madison was receiving IV antibiotics and.....steroids. They never figured out what caused this illness, but I later found out from one of the ER nurses that they thought she had a fatal bacterial infection. The double masked staff and lack of communication all made sense. Maddy eventually recovered from this mystery illness and I am happy to report that she has NOT been back to the hospital since.
Some months later, we were at a church family function. I don’t remember what Madison had done, but it required a trip to the bathroom for some of that quick discipline I talked about earlier. (Madison was no stranger to the bathroom for that purpose.) A close friend had seen Madison and I come out of the restroom and knew the purpose for the visit. She caught my eye and I said “She’ll be lucky if she lives to see four!” To be honest, raising madison was a big job. But there were several factors that made this even harder. By the time Madison was four, we had a total of six kids. She was a high-energy child while I was no-energy mommy. It was all I could do to keep up with her. Dan was amazing during this time because he would take her to work with him as often as he could. He would take her to the store or to the park or just out for a drive, just to use up some of her energy.
Madison was our first strong-willed child. Dan and I spent many hours praying for wisdom and reading the bible to try and figure out how to teach her to gain self-control, yet embrace who God created her to be. We looked up verses in the bible that taught about controlling anger, using kind words, self-control, loving one another. We taught her those verses. She was a child who loved to push on the boundaries, but who was relieved when the boundaries remained intact. She was our first child to yell at me and slam her bedroom door. (Testing the boundary) The very real threat that I would take her door off the hinges was enough to stop her from ever doing that again. (Boundary intact) She was the first child to fight with her brother after being told if it happened again they would be tied together. (testing the boundary) She spent an entire day tied to her big brother at the ankle. (Boundary intact) .....
Madison was also my first child to go stand by the flagpole at school alone and bow her head to pray. I watched as one student after another joined her until there were more than a dozen students holding hands and praying. I have seen her make incredibly difficult decisions based on what God calls her to and not based on what everybody else is doing. I have seen her handle disappointment when those decisions didn’t make her popular and as those who made other choices moved up the social ladder in her place.
Madison has a very real sense of who God is and what He means in her life. She knows that she is loved unconditionally not only by her parents, but by a fiercely loving God whose plans for her are far more important than anything this world can throw in her way. God has rewarded her for her patience and perseverance. (two words I never thought would apply to her) She has become a beautiful woman inside and out. One whom I know is capable of handling all that God has planned for her.
My experience this weekend was bittersweet. But what makes it easier for me is that I have seen God mold and shape Madison from the time she was that tiny little girl sitting in her rocking chair hooked up to the “Choo Choo”. I have seen God’s faithfulness in sparing her life from whatever the mystery illness was. I am excited for Maddy because I know wherever she goes she will be a reflection of His glory. I will deeply miss my daughter, Madison, but I can’t wait to see where this arrow will land and how many people her life will effect in the name of Jesus.
If you would like to read more about Madison, I wrote about her several years ago in a post called “High Energy Children”
Enjoy!
