A Strange Feeling

Today was our first day back at school. I have been spending the last couple of weeks planning and organizing and arranging to prepare for this day. Even with all of that preparation, there was something unexpected. For the first time since we started schooling the children, 12 years ago, Jordan was not involved. He spent his day packing all his stuff to go away to school. Every once in awhile he would pop his head in and ask if I knew where something was or ask if I needed someone to make lunch or sometimes just stand there with nothing to say. I can’t really put my finger on it, but it was a strange feeling. I guess I’m realizing the enormity of this change that is about to occur in our family. I’m not sad that he is leaving although I will certainly miss him. That’s for sure. I am not nervous about sending him away. I am confident that he will make wise choices and I will pray to that end daily. I am excited for him to be challenged academically. I am excited for him to get out on his own and be independent. I am excited to see how God is going to use him to further His kingdom.

So why does it feel so strange? Starting Saturday, the face of our family will change forever. It has changed ten times before when we left to go to the hospital and came home with another precious little face. I guess we have grown accustomed to that kind of change. I remember having a conversation with Dan when I was 9 months pregnant with Jordan. We talked about the fact that once we leave for the hospital we won’t come back the same. Two will be three. Then two and a half years later we talked about three becoming four, then four becoming five . . . then eleven becoming twelve and our family was complete. We have fully enjoyed our “wholeness” for 17 months with no regrets, only peace in God’s sovereign will.

Psalms 127: ”Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep. Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth, How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with the enemies in the gate.

God chose to fill Dan’s quiver to capacity with ten arrows. Up until now we have been preparing our children for such a day as this. We have been teaching, training, discipling and loving them according to God’s word. We have made choices for them that were contrary to the philosophies of this world. We have prayed for them and prayed for them and then prayed some more. All of this, in anticipation of the day when we will launch the offensive. (My husband tells me that arrows are an offensive weapon) Saturday is that day!! Jordan has proven himself worthy.

So what is that strange feeling? It’s very similar to the feeling I had when we were anticipating Jordan’s birth. Our family will not be the same when we return from Southern California. We will be leaving one behind, releasing him to do God’s will as it pertains to him. In a sense twelve will become eleven. I am not sad about this . . . maybe a little sentimental . . . but not sad. I am excited. I look forward to the day when he returns with his stories of the “battle field”. He may even come back to live here with us again, but not as our son whom we control; as a man of God with a purpose of his own. Eighteen years ago, I looked into his little face with wonder at what God created and then gave to us, now I look at his whiskered face with wonder at what God is going to do with His amazing creation.

Now dry yours eyes as will I, celebrate with us as we start down a new path and pray for Jordan as the Holy Spirit prompts you.

Trina