Roller Coaster Ride

Dan and I have been parents now for 23 years. We have learned so much over the course of time that it''s hard to focus my writing on one area. I guess thats why, when I sit down at the computer and my mind is flooded with so many subject, stories, lessons I can’t decide where to start. 

Today, the beginning sounds like a good place to start. I have often been asked why we have ten children. “Did you start out your marriage wanting ten children?” “Did you come from a big family?” “Are you Mormon or Catholic?” “Are you crazy?”

To answer these questions superficially would be easy. “No”, “No”, “marginally”, “No”, and “certifiable”. But to really give a good answer, I would need to give some back ground. 

When I was six and in the first grade my younger sister, Julie, was born. When I found out my mom was expecting her,  I could not have been more excited. I went to school every day from the time I found out and told my teacher that my mom had had the baby last night. Of course my teacher new that she wasn’t due until January so she would correct me and redirect me to a more “constructive” activity.  

Eventually, the day came. I was in an assembly with all of the first graders and a teacher interrupted and called me to the front of the class. She told me my dad was waiting outside for me. I ran as fast as I could to meet him. He told me the wonderful news that Julie Elizabeth had been born and I was a big sister for the second time. 

I don’t even remember if I went back to school and the rest of the time my mom was in the hospital was a blur. But I have clear memories of the feelings I had when Julie came home for the first time. I just stared at her. She was absolutely perfect. Her skin was the softest thing I had ever touched and she smelled so sweet. I had a hard time keeping my hands off of her. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I didn’t do a very good job, because my parents bought me a kitten in hopes that I would leave my little sister alone. I don’t think it worked, but my little sister survived my “love” and is a beautiful wife and mother today. 

My love for babies didn'’t end with my sister. I would work in the church nursery every chance I got. I couldn't wait to be old enough to babysit on my own. When that time did come, I babysat every chance I got and loved every minute of it. I remember after one evening of babysitting, I was in the car with the children'’s father. He told me how thankful he was for me and that I had a real knack for taking care of babies. His next words still ring in my ears, “Trina, I bet someday your going to have six kids!” I laughed at him then. Little did he know that those words were prophetic.......only he under estimated. 

Many years later, I met my husband, Dan. We fell in love and made plans for a wedding. As many do, we talked about our future; a house and a family. We talked about how many children we would have. Three, possibly four, but that was pushing it. You see, my husband is an only child and, where he saw the value of having more than one, he knew his limits and four was the limit. I was happy with that because there were four children in my family and that worked out pretty well for us, so it was settled; three or four. 

At this point, looking back, I can see God looking down on us and saying, “Oh ye of little faith. I have much bigger plans for you than that.” Of course, there is a reason that we can’t see what God’s plans are ahead of time. If I had been told at that point in my life that God planned for us to have ten children, I probably would have run away screaming. God was right not to let me in on his little secret, I didn’t have enough faith to have ten children. I didn’t have enough patience or strength or courage to have ten. God, in his wisdom, just said “three or four sounds great. You just get started.” And so we did. Jordan came first in March of 1990. Then, as most “normal” people do, we waited the perfect 2.5 years and Trevor was born in 1992. 

Little did we know, that was just the beginning of a breath-taking roller coaster ride. . .

I can hear the clicking of the car as it’s being pulled onto the tracks.

 I feel the anxious anticipation of an unknown ride. . .  click, click, click . . .the upward climb . . .

When Jordan and Trevor were 3 ½ and almost 1, God called us to the mission field. We went to the Philippines on a short term mission. In the days before the trip, Dan and I had many long conversations about God’s faithfulness in His provisions for this trip (which were nothing short of miraculous). We talked about how awesome it was to hear His voice telling us this is where we needed to be, and how amazing it felt to put all of our trust in Him and be led on such an incredible adventure. . . 

the click, click, click of the coaster being pulled further up the hill. . .

But were we really putting ALL of our trust in Him? Dan and I spent hours talking about what it really meant to trust in a God that we believed was sovereign. Had we really given control of every part of our lives to Him? If we could trust God to send us half way around the world with our two little boys, if we could trust Him to provide the finances, if we could trust Him for our safety . . .

click, click, click . . .

. . .then what about our family. What about when babies come and how many we have? I remember the conversation we had one humid night in Manilla, reading through the verses in Psalms 127 that say: ”Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep. Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth, How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with the enemies in the gate. I remember praying that God would make His way clear and I remember Dan saying we need to put this in God’s hands and let him plan our family. . . 

still climbing, only now I’m looking over at Dan and he’s got his hands held high to get the best ride possible.

 I couldn’t pry my white knuckles off the lap bar and close my eyes tight. . . we are nearing the top . . .

 two months later I was pregnant with our third child. Madison was born in July of 1994. . . 

the descent begins with a rush . . .

I remember thinking that just because we were allowing God to plan our family didn’t necessarily mean we would have more than four children. Again I can hear God chuckle. . . 

and we gain momentum . . .

Moriah was born 14 months later in September of 1995, then in 16 months, Hannah was born, January 1997. . .

the first turn. I loosen my grip and raise my hands high in the air. . .

18 months and Hudson arrived, July 1998. On my birthday in September, 1999 I miscarried our 7^th child . . .  

Our car turns upside down and I am overcome with fear. 

 I grip the bar tight and hold on

By November I was pregnant again, only ultrasounds show it is not a viable pregnancy and we must wait 2 weeks to confirm . . .

Another loop and I'm still holding on

Two weeks pass and an ultrasound confirms that precious heart beat . . .

Out of the loops and I loosen my grip

and in August of 2000 Payton James was born. . .

I manage to let go again and even let out a little scream of excitement

July 2002, Bailey came . . . New Year’s day, 2005 Abigail arrived . . .

This is the best ride ever and it’s not over yet!!!!

Finally on March 30, 2007 Maximus Isaac was born. . .

His birth was very difficult. There were medical complication that let us know that God was closing this chapter of our lives. After weeks of prayer, I had a much needed surgery that would end my ability to bare children. As difficult and painful as the surgery was, there was such a peace. The kind we knew could only come from God. I remember the nurses asking me if I was sad. I said “No. My uterus has served me well and it’s time to say goodbye.” I think I told them I was going to have it bronzed but I might have dreamt that in the haze of anesthesia. 

Our train slows as it returns to the station. I look over at Dan and he looks at me. 

Our hair is a mess, our eyes are watery and we are both out of breath, but we made it!! 

God tells us this ride is over and directs us to the next roller coaster. 

We settle in and this time I’ve got my arms up before the lap bar even goes down. 

This roller coaster is called graduations, college, weddings and even grand babies . . . 

woooohoooo! Let’s go!!!