Outside the Boat

For 23 years, we have been teaching our children to obey. Its a common lesson. You expect them to obey without question or hesitation. Sometimes its a matter of safety. “Don’t go into the street.” “Don’t touch that, its hot.” Sometimes, its a matter of responsibility. “Get your chores done.” “Feed the dog.” And sometimes its just a matter of necessity. “Go take a shower.” “Flush the toilet.” “Don’t pick your nose.” Ultimately, though, when we teach our children to obey, we are preparing them for their future response to God’s calling on their lives. As our children get older, the way they learn obedience is less by repetition and more by replication. We can’t expect our children to learn something that we don’t model for them.

 That being said, Dan and I are in the midst of lessons in obedience. God has called us on this adventure that is both exciting and terrifying. We are learning to take one step at a time and trusting God to show us what’s next. He is faithful and has already shown us so many amazing things. We have met incredible people who, by their example, have taught us so much about obeying God and serving the people He so desperately loves. We have a new understanding of the way God sees all of humanity; and the level at which His heart aches for all to come to know Him.


 In Matthew, God gives us a great example of obedience.

Matthew 14 

25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. 27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” 28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” 29 “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” 

 One of the things I love about this is that Jesus didn’t call Peter out of the boat to walk on a calm ocean. He called Peter out in the midst of a storm. The wind was howling and the waves were crashing all around him. As long as Peter kept his eyes fixed on Jesus, he was able to stay on top of the water. But as soon as he noticed the tumult of the waves around him, he began to sink. I love what Jesus says to Peter, “Why did you doubt?” Peter didn’t give any verbal indication of doubt, but Jesus knew. Doubt can be crippling.

There are so many things that have happened in the past several weeks that could have caused us to doubt. The waves have been high and the winds have been fierce. But God has been faithful. He provided when we didn’t think there was a way. He has made is calling clear.

 “Come” 

And here we are. 

 We have stepped out of the boat. 

May we keep our eyes that are so prone to wander, focussed on Jesus. 

 We have now entered the next phase of our adventure. We are preparing to GO. We don’t hope for disaster and were happy to learn that Hope Force International doesn’t either. Within about 3 minutes of beginning of our training, the room was filled with the sound of phones ringing with weather alerts from Tennessee (the home of HFI). They immediately stopped everything and began to pray that God would spare the people and not allow those tornadoes to touch the ground.

I’m not sure why this made such an impact on me, but it made me feel that this isn’t an organization of “storm chasers”, but one with a heart for the people. For the remainder of the training, we heard over and over that they consider their calling to be a

“terrible privilege”

 To the extent that we are able, we will be working on preparing our family physically, emotionally and spiritually for what lies ahead.


 Emotionally, we need to keep short accounts with one another so that we can be ready to serve others. We need to begin to teach the kids to see others through the eyes of God and remember that He desperately loves every human being.

 Spiritually, We need to abide in the truth of God’s word and allow Him to speak into our lives on a daily basis. We need to live with love and gratitude and allow others to see the reflection of Jesus in our lives.

Practically, we need to be ready to go at a moments notice (24-48 hours) and therefore need to have bags packed and ready to go. Which means we need things like muck boots, work gloves, work clothes, bug spray, flashlights, toothpaste, toothbrushes, etc.

Financially, we need to start raising support so that if and when a disaster happens we can go without hesitation. The “donate” button is still available on this blog. We will be working on fundraisers and ask that you would prayerfully consider supporting us.

 And....

if I'm being completely honest.....

now that I have actually put all of this down in writing......

I can begin to hear the waves crashing and feel the wind on my face. 

 Lord allow us to keep our eyes on You in the midst of the storm and continue to pursue your will at every turn!

I said "No", He said "Yes"

I Said, “no” He Said, ‘Yes” Hello world! umm…. this is not Trina Short, the all knowing and wise, Just kidding mom! No, this is her daughter Madison Short the “quintessential fire cracker,” as my mom called me in her earlier posts. I am hijacking my mom’s blog to bring to all of you lovely people another point of view of the crazy merciless and blessings that God is placing in our lives. First there are some things you should know about me, I am very ummm…..ENERGETIC, yes thats it energetic, and sometimes competitive….OK, I am always competitive. But in contrast I am a scared child at heart, I will be forever scared of strangers, monkeys, drugs, people who look scary, act scary, or even look at me with evil in their eyes. I have tried multiple times after watching ALL of the episodes of "Alaska: The Last Frontier", to get my family to move to Alaska, where there is a small population. Turns out it's really hard to live in a place where the bear population is higher than the people population. And what scares me even more than getting hurt by people, is people hurting any member of my family, including my dog. When my family started talking about doing a mission as a family, being the person to react first thinks later. I immediately said, “No” at the time I though this “no” was towards my family, but in reality in was a “no” to God. Though I didn't realize this for a while, first I had to learn who was really the boss… and it wasn't me. Sitting at the table with everyone there, my parents brought up the subject of the family mission, I immediately was panicked and tense. First my family was talking about going out of the country! Can you believe it? Do you know how many opportunities there would be for people to hurt my family? I was not about to let that happen. The more my family talked about it the more I could imagine the terrible things that could happen to us. Then almost every one in my family, except for Max, (Max and I get each other) called me out on not trusting God. Ugh I had that coming. Trusting God with my own life I can do, but trusting God with what I most love, my family, that was not easy. Time went by and I continued to ignore all talk about missions, I figured my family is too big, too poor, and too busy, for the mission life style. In high school I never went out of Fresno for a missions trip, both my older brothers went on out of state missions, though I never felt called, or was motivated. I couldn't justify going when I have friends, neighbors, school peers, that didn't know the Lord. (don’t let this fool you, that was an excuse, though at the time I truly felt that way) I was content with the work that had to be done in my home town. Another thought that I had, that effected my out look on missions, was how missionaries seemed to be very showy people, I didn't care to show people what I'm doing for the Lord, I don't do it for my reputation, its something that is between myself and God. And I believe that the meaning of Gods work, and the relationships, can be cheapened by our own image. (I am not saying I don't struggle with humility) Back to the story, my family started to raise money for the mission, and with time my families passion grew, except for mine. When I was helping my family raise money I tried to get excited…. But I wasn’t. I became frustrated, my frustration soon turned to jealousy. Jealousy for the passion my family had, jealousy for the selflessness, the trust. In my school bible study, we are studying in Jonah, yeah Jonah. The guy who said “no” to God, a coincident? I think not. In this bible study I have learned that when you say “no”, God says, “yes”. And that through my selfishness God will turn me around, put me in a fish, and teach me to trust him with everything. This is my experience reading Jonah not the first time, but the first time with consequence. Jonah 1:1-3 1 The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: 2 “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.”3 But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord. My first response: O Jonah you are so stupid. My second response: I AM JONAH!!!!! I AM STUPID TOO!!!! IM GOING TO DIE! (kept reading) Jonah 1:4-6 4 Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up. 5 All the sailors were afraid and each cried out to his own god. And they threw the cargo into the sea to lighten the ship.But Jonah had gone below deck, where he lay down and fell into a deep sleep. 6 The captain went to him and said, “How can you sleep? Get up and call on your god! Maybe he will take notice of us so that we will not perish.” My first response: I’m not that bad. God isn't going to drowned me or make me really sleeping at inappropriate times. My second response: Im going to be punished!!!!!! My third response: No this is not a punishment this is a correction, or a discipline and another chance to do the right thing. Its the right amount of fear to push me in the right direction. I am a student at Sacramento State so I was not able to attend the training with the older six people in my family. But God used this time to stir up feelings that I'm not sure existed before. I felt like I abandoned my family, abandoned a God that has provided for me. I didn't quite know what to do with myself, but after I got my homework done like a good student( I didn't really I had to stay up late Sunday to do it) I found the Hope Force international website. I was swimming in my own selfish thoughts, I didn't even look at the website before. The more I read the more I wanted to be there with my family, helping beside my family. I started out saying “no” but now I cant wait to start. My original questions about all the awful things that could have happened, changed to questions about what God could do with a family like mine.… But this leads to another problem; I am still a student. So now I am praying for contentment and to trust Him. I do not admit to it being easy to trust Him, but I am praying that He will help me. The true difference between the Madison two months ago and the Madison now is I am not using my own selfish eyes to see, I am trying to see what God sees.

We Passed!!!

WE PASSED OUR TEST!!!!!! Dan and I made it through our disaster simulation final today. We are happy to report that no one died, the building didn't burn down and I didn't break a nail!!!! We are now certified members of the Community Emergency Response Team!!! We received our official hard hat, back pack and CERT vest. I highly recommend this course for anyone who would just like to make sure their family and neighborhood would be safe in a disaster.

So what's the next step? We (Dan, Trina, Jordan , Desiree, Trevor and Alyssa ) are headed to Washington. Flight, car and hotel reservations have been made and paid for!! Praise God, now we need to raise the money for the actual training. We need a total of $1050. Like I have said before, we are excited to see how God will work this out. We would love for you to join us in two ways. One, the most important, is by praying. We know God is faithful and will resource what He calls!! The second way is that we need your support financially. We still need to raise the $1050 for training that begins in Thursday, February 20...This Thursday!!!! If you would like to donate, you can do so by clicking on the "donate" button on this page or you can give directly to our Chase Bank account 322271627

We are so thankful to all who have been praying and supporting us financially. You are a blessing to us!!!

Learning Lessons

We are learning...so many things. Of course we are always learning, but it seems as though, as we step out in faith and  move ahead with what we believe God is calling us to, He continues to point out our weaknesses. We have the head knowledge that we are all weak and need to rely on God for strength, but it is times like this that we are made painfully aware of our deficiencies. 

LESSON #1

We have overcome so many obstacles in the past few weeks; needing new brakes, broken washing machine, leaky roof, and have not let anything distract us from God’s calling. But...this past weekend, we were forced to look at some family relational issues that needed some work. Nothing major, but issues nonetheless. 

We decided on Friday afternoon that we should have a hot chocolate stand to help earn money for our training with HFI (Hope Force International). We were successful in pulling this together in a short amount of time...but not without bickering. I know....its shocking!! I can hear you all now: 

“Wait! Your kids fight, too?”

YES!! And Saturday was a special day for that!! For the most part, the kids did a great job. They worked hard to get everything gathered and packed and moved to the corner, they were enthusiastic salesmen, and they enjoyed being out in the rain and cold (no, really, they did). At one point I had to tell Max and Bailey to put their shoes back on because I thought it would be a bad reflection on our family to have them running around in the rain and cold barefooted. 

But....they bickered....probably my biggest pet peeve.  Little things became big things and bickering turned to arguments. On any other day, we would deal with things like this in the usual way and move on, but on this day, it was as if my eyes were opened to a problem that had been festering for some time. Its easy to get caught up in the busyness of our lives and NOT deal with the little relational issues between siblings. Its easy to chose to separate them or distract/redirect them. But what I realized (really re-realized) is that we needed to deal with their hearts. 

We had some work to do. I decided that if we are going to serve others as God wants us to do, we were going to need to work on serving each other in love so that we can have an effective witness with others outside of our family. So let the work begin: 

“For the love of Christ controls us. because we have concluded this:

That One has died for all, therefore all have died; and He died for all, that those who live

might no longer live for themselves

but for Him who for their sake died

and was raised.”

2 Corinthians 5:14-15

This is the first of many verses that will be memorized as we learn to serve others as Christ served us by dying on the cross for us. We are and always will be a work in progress. 

LESSON #2

God does not require perfection. I have known this for a long time. I am the first one to admit that I don’t always do everything the right way; in parenting, in my personal walk with Christ, in life in general. But for some reason, when I think of people who have been called by God to go serve as missionaries, I put them up on a pedestal and have some grandiose idea that they somehow are more perfect than myself and someday I may be as spiritual as they are and THEN God could use me.....I know....its ridiculous. 

The fact is, God will be glorified in our weakness. We are ALL broken and in need of a saviour. Our brokenness is what allows others to see Christ. There are countless stories in God’s Word about broken people being used by God to achieve amazing things. 

So, God....we are broken....so that Your light may shine through.

LESSON #3

After Saturday’s sale, we were officially half way to our support goal. Praise God!! But that meant that we still had $1500 to raise in less than two weeks. This also meant that we needed to make a decision to go ahead and make arrangements to attend the February training, trusting that God would provide the rest, or put it off and wait until August. We didn’t have exactly what we had set as the goal for that decision, but we got another donation on Sunday afternoon that helped us to see that God was working and had a plan. His plan was that we needed to trust him!! 

So we took a huge step in faith and made our plane reservations for the February training. I love when God gives affirmation when you need it the most. Shortly after we made those reservations, we received two more donations!!! God is faithful and He has a plan. 

We are learning so much as we follow the path set out for us. We are so very thankful to the people who are supporting us in prayer. Please continue!! Also, to those who have donated...Thank You, Thank you, Thank you!! 

Financial update: We still need $1,300. We are waiting to hear if HFI has found a place for us to stay in Washington. This would cut costs by about $300. If you would like to donate, you can click the donate button at the top of the page, or you can give directly to our missions bank account.

Chase Bank

Acct #3070660799

See Shorts Go

                                           “Many hands make light work” 

This mantra can be heard on any given day at our house. I’d like to say that it was due to quick thinking and amazing parenting skills, but if I’m completely honest, I think it was out of the desperation of a mama with lot of little ones. It was an attempt to rally the troops to get a job done that I was too exhausted to complete myself. Regardless the origin, the phrase is heard quite a bit around here. Thankfully, it has proved itself to be true over and over again. It is true in the yard, in the house, carrying wood, putting away groceries and so much more. We have had the opportunity to use our “many hands” in the neighborhood, with family, friends, friends of friends and even strangers. 

About two years ago, we were all sitting around our dinner table. Jordan and Desiree were visiting and Trevor and Ally were here as well. Which meant we were ALL here. All 14 of us. The noise level at dinner can be crazy and this evening was no different. Multiple conversations at one time covering everything from  amusement parks to super heros. Disneyland versus California Adventure, Batman versus Spiderman. You get the picture. At some point the conversation turned to missions. These were a few of the questions that were asked, “What could God do with our family?” “How could God use our family to bless others?” What happened next was so amazing. All of the kids got so excited and started to express some incredible ideas. The younger ones were ready to pack their bags and go, the older ones were excited but knew it wouldn’t be right away, and us old fogies, overwhelmed by the upcoming college graduation of one son and the wedding of the other son, couldn’t look past those events to see what God had planned. It was fun to dream, but the reality is that we have bills and events and work and school....

Needless to say, we put our “God dream” on the back burner...for two years. 

This year at Christmas, we got to sit down again at the dinner table. Once again the conversation turned toward God’s will for our family. We discovered that many of the ideas for service involved disaster relief and how we could help people who have experienced loss due to some natural disaster. We initially talked about just loading everyone up in the van, driving to the effected area, jumping out and helping people clean up their messes. We quickly realized that it probably wouldn’t be that easy and we would need some kind of training or clearance to get into the effected areas. After doing some research, we discovered that (no surprise) we were right. We had been learning in church that God calls ALL of us to serve others in His name and that we shouldn’t be so focussed on our circumstances that we become paralyzed and unable to pursue what God lays on our hearts. This is much easier said than done. Dan decided that we would begin to look into the areas God could use us...All of us! We believe that God is calling us as a family and we know that this would limit our possibilities. Jordan found a blog written by a man who had felt drawn to disaster relief as we were. He answered many of the questions that we had and helped us concentrate our efforts towards and appropriate end; serving others in the name of God. 

First of all, in this blog he answered a few of the big issues that were holding us back; time and money. In order to go and serve, Dan, Jordan, Desiree, Trevor and Alyssa would all be needing to take time off of work. This bloggers answer to this was, you don’t know until you’ve tried. When he made it known at his place of employment what he was going to do, people stepped up and offered him their vacation days. And when it came to the money issue, he was shocked at how people came out of the woodwork to help financially. They also donated frequent flyer miles and hotel stays. 

So with those questions addressed in this bog, we felt like we had the encouragement to move forward. Phase one is training. Dan and I are in the process of being CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) trained. When we finish this course, we will be certified to be first responders in the event of a large disaster that consumes the resources of that area. In other words if all of the firefighters, paramedics, police officers are being used, we will be put to work. We are learning the basics of triage, first aid, search and rescue and Incident command systems. CERT is a nationally recognized program and would allow us to help in any state in the nation. 

The next step was to join an organization that was already recognized and welcomed to assist in a disaster. In our research we came across and organization called Hope Force International (HFI). Partnering with the Salvation Army, HFI goes into areas that have been affected by crisis and disaster and provide many different types of relief; medical, spiritual, physical and emotional. It has been so amazing to see how God has already equipped our family to be a perfect fit for HFI. They have a chaplain division which would be a great place for Jordan to use his pastoral skills. Desiree will be able to use her nursing skills in their medical division. Trevor has extensive training in all aspects of Emergency response including chain saw operation and fire suppression. Dan will be able to use his gifting to help assess injuries and apply first aid, and he may also be able to use his food distribution experience to help handle incoming donations. Alyssa’s dog training experience will help with animals in the area who have become homeless. As for me and the rest of the kids, we have LOTS of experience cleaning up messes and that’s what we will be doing!! 

So what’s the next step? We need to attend HFI training in Washington and the two dates that are available are February 20-23 and August. We are going to try to make it to the February training so that we can be available this summer to be deployed, but in order to do that we need to raise some support. It will cost about $500 per person for travel and training. In order to cut costs, we are only planning on taking 6 of us for now. 

We believe God is calling us to service and we would love for you to partner with us in two ways; Prayer and finances. In the past few weeks since we made these decisions, we have had some “speed bumps” that have come along and tried to derail our mission, yet we are determined to stay the course and make it to the training. Prayer for focus, finances, safe travel, and details. God knows our needs and is faithful. We believe he will resource what He calls, so we are asking you to support us financially as well. We have put a link on our blog where you will be allowed to donate online directly into our mission account. We would like to thank you ahead of time for your generosity and for your fervent prayers on our behalf. If you have any questions, feel free to comment or find me or any one of us on facebook. 

Roller Coaster Ride

Dan and I have been parents now for 23 years. We have learned so much over the course of time that it''s hard to focus my writing on one area. I guess thats why, when I sit down at the computer and my mind is flooded with so many subject, stories, lessons I can’t decide where to start. 

Today, the beginning sounds like a good place to start. I have often been asked why we have ten children. “Did you start out your marriage wanting ten children?” “Did you come from a big family?” “Are you Mormon or Catholic?” “Are you crazy?”

To answer these questions superficially would be easy. “No”, “No”, “marginally”, “No”, and “certifiable”. But to really give a good answer, I would need to give some back ground. 

When I was six and in the first grade my younger sister, Julie, was born. When I found out my mom was expecting her,  I could not have been more excited. I went to school every day from the time I found out and told my teacher that my mom had had the baby last night. Of course my teacher new that she wasn’t due until January so she would correct me and redirect me to a more “constructive” activity.  

Eventually, the day came. I was in an assembly with all of the first graders and a teacher interrupted and called me to the front of the class. She told me my dad was waiting outside for me. I ran as fast as I could to meet him. He told me the wonderful news that Julie Elizabeth had been born and I was a big sister for the second time. 

I don’t even remember if I went back to school and the rest of the time my mom was in the hospital was a blur. But I have clear memories of the feelings I had when Julie came home for the first time. I just stared at her. She was absolutely perfect. Her skin was the softest thing I had ever touched and she smelled so sweet. I had a hard time keeping my hands off of her. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I didn’t do a very good job, because my parents bought me a kitten in hopes that I would leave my little sister alone. I don’t think it worked, but my little sister survived my “love” and is a beautiful wife and mother today. 

My love for babies didn'’t end with my sister. I would work in the church nursery every chance I got. I couldn't wait to be old enough to babysit on my own. When that time did come, I babysat every chance I got and loved every minute of it. I remember after one evening of babysitting, I was in the car with the children'’s father. He told me how thankful he was for me and that I had a real knack for taking care of babies. His next words still ring in my ears, “Trina, I bet someday your going to have six kids!” I laughed at him then. Little did he know that those words were prophetic.......only he under estimated. 

Many years later, I met my husband, Dan. We fell in love and made plans for a wedding. As many do, we talked about our future; a house and a family. We talked about how many children we would have. Three, possibly four, but that was pushing it. You see, my husband is an only child and, where he saw the value of having more than one, he knew his limits and four was the limit. I was happy with that because there were four children in my family and that worked out pretty well for us, so it was settled; three or four. 

At this point, looking back, I can see God looking down on us and saying, “Oh ye of little faith. I have much bigger plans for you than that.” Of course, there is a reason that we can’t see what God’s plans are ahead of time. If I had been told at that point in my life that God planned for us to have ten children, I probably would have run away screaming. God was right not to let me in on his little secret, I didn’t have enough faith to have ten children. I didn’t have enough patience or strength or courage to have ten. God, in his wisdom, just said “three or four sounds great. You just get started.” And so we did. Jordan came first in March of 1990. Then, as most “normal” people do, we waited the perfect 2.5 years and Trevor was born in 1992. 

Little did we know, that was just the beginning of a breath-taking roller coaster ride. . .

I can hear the clicking of the car as it’s being pulled onto the tracks.

 I feel the anxious anticipation of an unknown ride. . .  click, click, click . . .the upward climb . . .

When Jordan and Trevor were 3 ½ and almost 1, God called us to the mission field. We went to the Philippines on a short term mission. In the days before the trip, Dan and I had many long conversations about God’s faithfulness in His provisions for this trip (which were nothing short of miraculous). We talked about how awesome it was to hear His voice telling us this is where we needed to be, and how amazing it felt to put all of our trust in Him and be led on such an incredible adventure. . . 

the click, click, click of the coaster being pulled further up the hill. . .

But were we really putting ALL of our trust in Him? Dan and I spent hours talking about what it really meant to trust in a God that we believed was sovereign. Had we really given control of every part of our lives to Him? If we could trust God to send us half way around the world with our two little boys, if we could trust Him to provide the finances, if we could trust Him for our safety . . .

click, click, click . . .

. . .then what about our family. What about when babies come and how many we have? I remember the conversation we had one humid night in Manilla, reading through the verses in Psalms 127 that say: ”Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep. Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth, How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with the enemies in the gate. I remember praying that God would make His way clear and I remember Dan saying we need to put this in God’s hands and let him plan our family. . . 

still climbing, only now I’m looking over at Dan and he’s got his hands held high to get the best ride possible.

 I couldn’t pry my white knuckles off the lap bar and close my eyes tight. . . we are nearing the top . . .

 two months later I was pregnant with our third child. Madison was born in July of 1994. . . 

the descent begins with a rush . . .

I remember thinking that just because we were allowing God to plan our family didn’t necessarily mean we would have more than four children. Again I can hear God chuckle. . . 

and we gain momentum . . .

Moriah was born 14 months later in September of 1995, then in 16 months, Hannah was born, January 1997. . .

the first turn. I loosen my grip and raise my hands high in the air. . .

18 months and Hudson arrived, July 1998. On my birthday in September, 1999 I miscarried our 7^th child . . .  

Our car turns upside down and I am overcome with fear. 

 I grip the bar tight and hold on

By November I was pregnant again, only ultrasounds show it is not a viable pregnancy and we must wait 2 weeks to confirm . . .

Another loop and I'm still holding on

Two weeks pass and an ultrasound confirms that precious heart beat . . .

Out of the loops and I loosen my grip

and in August of 2000 Payton James was born. . .

I manage to let go again and even let out a little scream of excitement

July 2002, Bailey came . . . New Year’s day, 2005 Abigail arrived . . .

This is the best ride ever and it’s not over yet!!!!

Finally on March 30, 2007 Maximus Isaac was born. . .

His birth was very difficult. There were medical complication that let us know that God was closing this chapter of our lives. After weeks of prayer, I had a much needed surgery that would end my ability to bare children. As difficult and painful as the surgery was, there was such a peace. The kind we knew could only come from God. I remember the nurses asking me if I was sad. I said “No. My uterus has served me well and it’s time to say goodbye.” I think I told them I was going to have it bronzed but I might have dreamt that in the haze of anesthesia. 

Our train slows as it returns to the station. I look over at Dan and he looks at me. 

Our hair is a mess, our eyes are watery and we are both out of breath, but we made it!! 

God tells us this ride is over and directs us to the next roller coaster. 

We settle in and this time I’ve got my arms up before the lap bar even goes down. 

This roller coaster is called graduations, college, weddings and even grand babies . . . 

woooohoooo! Let’s go!!!

Marriage is not for wimps

Over the last several months, I have received information that I find surprising and tragic. I have to admit that I wrestle with mixed emotions and sometimes need to fight the urge to hunt these people down and thump them on the head. I suppose that, at my current age and life stage, this is considered “normal” and that makes me want to scream even louder! 

Here’s the problem. Several of our peer couples are splitting up. Ugh! Just writing that makes my stomach turn. The selfishness that this implies just baffles me. Its as if they are saying “Yes, I know this is selfish, but I am going to do it anyhow. Because I deserve better” 

If you are one of those people, you should stop reading now, because you are not going to like what I have to say. 

Here’s an example:( No names and I may or may not mix up which spouse did what.) Married for 20 years, multiple children now somewhere around high school age. Husband works in an industry that has been hurt by the rotten economy. He comes home grumpy and depressed. Honestly, he is not a whole lot of fun to be around. AND the money that used to supply his wife’s necessities (mani pedi, sissy-la-la coffee drinks, “fresh” wardrobe choices) is no longer coming in. There is, however,  still enough money to pay all the bills and keep the kids in private school. Clearly her life is a mess, wouldn’t you agree? Well, if you are her friend and you dare to disagree, your friendship will come to a grinding halt. She will surround herself with people who will “tickle her ears” with only the things she wants to hear. “Oh Honey. You deserve better.” “You deserve someone who....”

Well, there happens to be “someone” at her place of employment who is happy to see her, gives her attention, compliments her clothes, and supports her disdain for her husband...and it happens to be a man. 

I don’t even want to justify this story by telling how it ends. Lets just say...it ends. There are lots of stories just like this one. Tragic stories about wimpy people who quit when things get tough. Most of the time I can excuse them because they don’t know any better. But this case is different. This couple and several others sat under the same teaching that Dan and I did. They heard what God’s word says about marriage and commitment and promises and commitment! Were they just not listening? Were they absent that day? NO! They heard....every....word.

Marriage is a commitment made before God. It is a promise to love, honor and cherish....forever. There are no clauses that say if the going gets tough you can find another option. 

There are only two times in life that God’s will for you will be so crystal clear; Marriage and children. My friends, when you said “I do” you chose a path. You made a commitment to love and honor your spouse. God has made His will clear to you. 

Ladies, there is nothing in God’s word that says love him.... 

if he earns enough money,

 if he is happy, 

if he is nice to you, 

if he helps with the kids

or the house

or the yard

or even if he deserves it. 

We are called to love our husband as if he were Jesus. 

I chose to marry Dan 25 years ago. Dan is an amazing husband and father. He is my best friend. He protects and provides for me. He loves me.....but he is certainly not perfect. We have had our share of struggles; financial, emotional, spiritual... Dan is not always happy, but I choose to love him. Dan is not always nice, but I choose to love him. Dan does not always deserve my love, but I choose to give it to him anyhow. And quite honestly, I am not always happy or nice and Lord knows I  don’t always deserve the love that Dan shows for me. Just keepin’ in real.

So what does it look like to show love to someone who doesn’t always deserve it? 

It means having hard conversations. 

It means not always needing to be right. 

It means letting an unkind word go unnoticed. 

It means meeting his needs even though you might feel at the time like your needs are not being met. 

It means having grace in times that are tough. 

It means looking at the loss of a job as a thrilling adventure and not a scary situation. 

It means choosing to sit down and watch the game with him while the house is a mess and the kids run amuck. It means having a willing spirit when he says “I have an idea!” 

It means saying “its OK,  it’ll work out.” instead of “I told you so.” 

It means not pointing out his weaknesses in order to make yourself feel better.

It means being his biggest cheerleader.

It means considering it a privilege to share his bed.

It means talking to your children about what an amazing man he is.

It means greeting him everyday when he comes home from work like he’s been gone for a month.

I will be the first to admit that I do not consistently live up to this list. I fail on a regular basis, but I strive for this. I know that this is a partial list of the things God has called me to do as the one called to love this man. 

Several years ago, Dan lost his job. He was devastated. He took a risk and it didn’t pay off. He was angry at the world and especially at God. He looked for work to no end. And as time went by, he got very depressed. My response at first was one of support. I tried to be an encourager without being a nag. Slowly, I slipped in the nag trap, and slowly I became angry. I woke up every morning, got the kids ready for the day, and began our school. I was teaching 6 of our 8 children while taking care of the other two who were too young for school. While Dan would sleep in late only to get up and fall back to sleep on the couch (a sign of serious depression). The house was falling apart around us and he was sleeping on the couch. I could have found any number of ladies who would have supported me in my anger and brewing discontent with the man I had married. But I didn’t. God knew what I needed and He was sure I got it. I was involved with a small group of women who knew me very well. We were studying a book call ”Created to be His Helpmeet”. That book was teaching me what God’s word says about my calling as a wife. It was telling me to love my husband whether he deserves it or not and by loving him I was honoring and obeying the God who created me; the God in whose presence I made the commitment to love and honor my husband. 

Sadly, I am one stubborn cookie. I had “I deserve” conversations with God. 

I deserve someone who will help me with the kids.

I deserve someone who will fix things around the house

I deserve someone who will mow the lawns

I deserve someone who has a job

I deserve someone who will take me out on dates

I deserve to be able to go on vacations

I deserve.... 

The “I deserve” game is a dangerous game to play

What was God’s response to my ramblings?

“Trina, you deserve to spend the rest of eternity in the pit of Hell because you are a sinner who falls short of my glory every day. I had to watch my Son suffer and die on a cross in order that you might have the hope of living in eternity.” 

......Perspective.....

Oh Man!! Did I have some work to do. I had to correct my attitude, my thoughts, my behaviors. I began to serve Dan. I would make breakfast for him so it was ready when he woke up, I made lunch for him first and brought it to him on the couch. I Made sure he had what he needed and then, I made sure the lawns were mowed and the weeds were pulled. I did it alone or with the kids. I didn’t do it with any expectations, I didn’t do it with a chip on my shoulder. I didn’t do it begrudgingly. But I did it with a happy attitude as unto the Lord. And do you know what happened?

Dan started getting up earlier. He started helping with the kids, he started looking for work, he started taking care of the yard....it was like a miracle! A happy miracle that I was not expecting. He found his way out of the muck and mire of depression because I was obedient to God. 

It often makes me wonder if I had been obedient from the beginning if maybe things wouldn’t have been so bad, or if maybe things in our marriage would be different. I eventually apologized to Dan for not being the wife God called me to be and therefore effecting our marriage in a negative way. He was bewildered, but graciously forgave me. 

Our marriage is stronger today than ever. Dan is still an amazing husband and father. He loves me no matter what. He loves me when I’m grumpy, when I’m forgetful, when I’m tired, when I’m angry....That dark  period in our marriage didn’t last very long, but we both learned so much and are better because of it. 

My point is this: Marriage is not for wimps. Its hard work. The first thing you need to do to mend a marriage that is in trouble is to look in the mirror. Take a long, hard look at the person staring back at you and decide if you really want what you “deserve” or if you want to delight in the marriage God has given you. It really is that simple. I realize that in the real world there are some very serious issues within a marriage that are incredibly difficult and may need counseling, but it really does begin with a self examination. A time of confession that begins with "I", not "he"or "you". More importantly, ask the God of the Universe, the One who caused the "two to become one" to restore what he created.

And for those of you who have chosen to walk away from a marriage and still read this entire post, seek God, seek help from the one who created you. You will one day answer to Him. 

All of this post was read and approved by Dan