Graduation

There is so much I need to write and so little time. I will write next week, but wanted to update with some pictures. I also added a link to all of our youtube videos. (Jordan's graduation speech is included) Until then, these are pictures of Jordan's graduation. He graduated valedictorian from Hallmark Charter School in Sanger. Honestly, Dan and I are baffled by that fact. He and I barely graduated from highschool and I didn't even know how to spell valedictorian. Yet another guarantee that God exists and has a plan that is bigger than me.!!

Blessings,

Trina

Jordan and Maximus

Seriously!!

Proud doesn't begin to describe how we feel about Jordan.

OK I couldn't help it. I have to write a little something. As we celebrate all that Jordan has accomplished, it would be easy for Dan and I to lose our humility. God knows this and so He makes sure to keep us in check with situations like this one:

I was working with my girls on getting their room REALLY cleaned out when we heard someone yelling. We all went running and this is what we found:

Yes, the toilet was flushed and he got a good scrubbing after we took this picture and a video that's on Youtube.

God knows what His plan is and it's OBVIOUSLY bigger than me!!

Have a great day!!

You just have "good kids"

"You just have good kids". I hear this more often than just about any other comment. So I guess it's time to share the real truth behind what makes our children better that all the other children in the world. Here it is:



We have genetically engineered children that contain GKG, the benopheles adolesiosifent gene; or Good Kid Gene. Exactly 3 days, 12 hours, and 47 seconds after birth, we inject our children with a biogenetically enhanced serum that contains GKG. The enhanced genes then attach themselves to the temperament portion of the DNA strand. At this time we also inject them with the DNA coding for blonde hair and blue eyes. 32 hours later, they experience a sudden change in behavior. The only side effect is a temporary rash on the back of their necks; this lasts for about 2 days. From the moment this rash dissipates the child is essentially vaccinated for all incorrect behavior patterns. My husband and I have been altering and testing our genetic modifications and DNA enhancements for 20 years. In fact, the key rationale responsible for us having 10 children was to test these serums. Thus far, our GKG enhancements and Blue Eye serum have yielded excellent results. However, we have found a few faults in the blonde hair modifications. For instance, in test subject #001479, also known as Jordan, the blonde gene mutation could not resist the chemical imbalances of puberty, and his hair changed to a shade of brown. Not to worry, we found that the solution was to encode the genetic mutation with the substance docilestacene, which defends the hair DNA from altering chemicals. Very few parents have the knowledge of biogenetical enhancements necessary to insert GKG into their offspring. There are a few lucky individuals whose children randomly acquire the GKG, however the chances of this are 1,927,448/1.
Patent Pending!


Watch . . . just like the dishwasher with a garbage disposal in the bottom (which I thought of when I was 12) someday this will really be possible and someone will make millions and it won't be me. For now, to my knowledge, this is not possible. So how does it work? How do we get our children to obey? How are they so "perfect"? The answer is . . . they're not. They all have their moments. Like all the other children in the world, mine were all born with the sin nature, and therefore need to be encouraged to develop a taste for the things of God and not the things of the world. If left to their own devises, they would get everything they wanted and nothing that they needed. ie Candy vs. vegetables.


Part of our responsibility as parents is to determine the difference between needs and wants. My three year old daughter Abigail will come to me and say "Mommy, I NEED a cookie!" Believe me, she can be very convincing. She can tell me why . . . "I'm starving"(she's not), "I didn't get breakfast" (she did), "Bailey got one" (She didn't) . . . She can also be very persistent. She will ask again and again, like somehow each time she asks she is wearing down my mommy Resistance shield. (she's not). Most of the time I don't let her go on and on. We will stop and practice saying "O.K. Mommy" and walking away. Sometimes it takes a few times. It goes something like this:


"Mommy, can I have a cookie?"

"No, Abby, we are going to have lunch soon and you can have a cookie after lunch."

"Please can I have a cookie? I NEED one! I'm staaaaarving"

"Abby, Mommy said "no" what do you need to say?"

"OK Mommy"


And she will turn and walk away. How does she know to do that? We have practiced. We have actually lined everyone up in the family room and asked the youngest child who could speak to ask for a cookie (Bailey, 3 at the time, was the target of this exercise).


"Bailey, ask me for a cookie." I said. Her eyes lit up like it was Christmas and with great anticipation,
"Mommy, can I have a cookie?"
"No, Bailey", was my response. "We don't have any cookies." She was instantly devastated. I was actually surprised by her passion for that cookie. Dan and I then talked to all the kids about our response to disappointment, even if it's just a cookie. We talked about the fact the Dan and I don't say "no" to everything. (Why say "no" when you can say "yes".) We really do try to say "yes" whenever possible. (like mud baths and swimming in January) We explained that when they ask us for something and our response is "no", they need to say "OK Mom" or "Yes mommy" and then walk away with a smile.


So once again I reminded Bailey that we didn't have any cookies in the house and again I told her to ask me for a cookie. Again with the Christmas-like anticipation followed by the passionate devastation. It took about four tries for her to finally understand, but she DID eventually get it. And now it is a blessing to me to hear her say "OK mommy" and watch her walk away with a happy attitude. (She still needs an occasional reminder.)



This is where I usually hear "You must just have good kids". And now is the time that I would love to have some of the people who know Bailey personally testify. They would use words like: feisty, precocious, smart, tough, strong-willed to name a few.


We love all of our children more than anything, and we want for them to grow up to be happy responsible adults who love the Lord with all their hearts. That is our goal. In order for that to happen, they need us to help them know what they want and what they need and what the difference is. So we turn off the TV and get off the computer and we train them. I know training them about cookies seem silly, but training about how to handle disappointment isn't.


I am in a unique position right now. Not because I have ten children, but because I have such a large age range. We are sending our oldest son off to college this year and we couldn't be happier or more excited to do so. He is an amazing young man who loves the Lord. He is compassionate, hard-working and wise beyond his years. He expressed to us his desire to become a pastor when he was 12. He is going to The Master's College in Santa Clarita. For those of you who don't know, that is a private Christian college. . . Did you get that? . . . Private . . . Do you know what that means? . . . $$$$$$$$$. Money that we don't have. And without blinking, he told us he was going to do it without taking out any student loans. Really?!?! . . .My response was: "Good luck with that." (oh ye of little faith) To date, all but $2,700 is paid for and he still has a few scholarships we haven't heard about. Amazing!


So why am I telling you this? Because this is the boy who walked into a doctor's office at age 3 and pushed over the cute little girl who was sitting on the floor. This is the little boy who covered himself with baby powder when he was supposed to be napping. I could go on and on about the trespasses in his life, but I think I've made my point. I have the advantage of being able to see the fruit of training in my older kids and know that what I'm doing with my younger children will yield those same results. For that I have faith!! For those of you who have just little ones, be encouraged. Keep training, be diligent and consistent. My hope for all of you is that you will look at your children someday and feel the pride I do when I look at my son and see what an amazing man he has become.




Here are my "book ends". Jordan is 18 and Maximus is 1.

By the way, Jordan wrote the piece about the GKG. Credit where credit is due!

Blessings,
Trina

Hello . . . . . . is anyone still out there? . . . . Hopefully you will be willing to brush the dust off this blogspot, grab a cup of iced whatever and enjoy!

As the weather warms and gives us a foreshadowing of the lazy days of summer, I can't help but get excited about enjoying those days with my children without the burden of school work and art classes and music classes and youth group. I get excited thinking about playing mud wars in the "way-back", setting up lemonade stands on the corner, swimming at all hours of the day, and sun bathing on the chicken roof drinking pickle juice. ( don't knock it 'til you've tried it!!) I realize that I am not normal. Sadly, I hear many moms talk of their dread for the summer months; the months when their children are home from school and can't seem to find anything to do but sleep, eat and watch TV. I just want to take a few moments to encourage all of you who read this not to miss the opportunity you have this summer to tie strings of fellowship with your children.

Dan and I have spent many hours this past spring preparing and teaching on child training. If you were at any of those classes, you heard us say that all the training in the world is useless if you haven't taken the time to enjoy your children. Yes, it is possible to force obedience and immediate compliance without fellowship, but what you will end up with is a 12 or 13 year old who can't wait to get out of your house of tyranny. Our goal is to bring up children who want to obey because they don't want to break fellowship with us. I don't know any young children who don't long to see a reflection of joy when they look into their mommy and daddy's eyes. What do your children see?

I have to admit that, on a bad day, mine don't always see joy. Sometimes they see my irritation because I have laundry to fold and their needs are getting in my way. Sometimes they see my fatigue because I have been teaching them from early in the morning and its now 5:00 and I haven't made or even thought about dinner. Sometimes they see my stress because the paycheck didn't go as far as we needed it to and we have to figure out which bill is going to go unpaid. I'm sure everyone would agree that these are all legitimate "joy-stealers". No one would argue for a minute that these things are not important. But what do the children think? What do the children see? They see my irritation, but they don't know that it is the laundry I'm irritated with. They see my fatigue, but they don't know its the schoolwork that's tired me out. They see the stress, but they don't know that the root of that stress is financial. All they see is a reflection of irritation, fatigue and stress. On a bad day.

Fortunately, I have grown a lot in my mommyhood and I don't have many "bad days" anymore. In fact I stopped using that language completely. I won't call it a bad day because as long as there are hours left in the day I have a chance to turn it around.

So what do you do when the pile of laundry is taller than your tallest child? You pull it all out into the family room, turn the music up loud and have a laundry folding party!! What do you do when you have been working hard all day and have no idea what to do for dinner? Make PB&J's, throw a blanket down (inside or out) and have a dinner picnic. What do you do when your money is tight? Sit down with your kids and let them help by praying with you and talk about what an honor it is to watch how God will provide your next meal. I promise, He will show you miracles!

Then you watch the miracles that begin to happen in your children. Watch the joy that dances in their eyes because you included them in your life. Watch how they will do things with no other purpose than to please you. And when they get that look of approval or the hug or the "thank you" watch them burst with pride. And then watch it again and again!

Someone sent me an email recently that included this poem:

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by, 'Oh excuse me please' was my reply.

He said, 'Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you.'

We were very polite, this stranger and I. We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down. 'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said,

'While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you. He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise, you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.'

By this time, I felt very small, And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed; 'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.

'Are these the flowers you picked for me?' He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you. I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'

I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today; I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'

He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway.'

I said, 'Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'

Convicting, isn't it? It was for me.

Here are my plans for the summer: Play and play hard!! Swim in the pool, wallow in the mud, and drink pickle juice on the chicken roof! Will you join me?

Blessings, Trina

More soon, I promise!!

All it Takes is a Little Training

Scenario # 1: Mom and three children (5, 3 and 1) are on their way home after picking Bobby up after kindergarten. The children are hungry for lunch but mom remembered that they have no bread at home, so they make a quick trip to the grocery store.
They arrive at the store and mom loads kids into the cart. Amy (1) will ride in the front of the cart and Julia (3) will ride in the back. That leaves Bobby on his own to walk beside the cart. As soon as they get inside the store, Bobby takes off to the toy isle as Mom yells to no avail. Julia sees Bobby take off and decides she could negotiate the three foot drop to the floor in order to join her brother in the isle that was calling to her as well. Mom again yells at Julia to sit down, get back in the cart. Julia starts to run and Mom catches her by the arm. Julia lets out a blood curdling scream and Mom immediately lets go. She justifies it in her mind by thinking that maybe she will be able to shop in peace and come retrieve her kids before she heads to the check out stand. After all, its just one thing; bread.
At first her plan works and she makes her way to the bread isle. Before she can load her cart with the bread, she hears the sound of Bobby calling to her “Mom . . .Mom? . . . Mom?!? . . . MOOOOOMMMMM??!!?? She rushes to find him hoping to stop the impending panic attack. She finds him on the cereal isle completely distracted from his momentary fit of despair. As soon as he has his mom in his sights, he starts in: “Mom, can we get this cereal? Mom can I have this one. I want this one.” Mom says, “No, Bobby we are just here to get bread, not cereal.” The tears begin to flow. “Mommy, please, I need this cereal! I never get this cereal I neeeeeeeeed it!!!” Bobby, knowing that all it will take is an increase in decibels, ups the ante. MOMMY!!! PLEEAASE!!. “No Bobby all we need is bread.” Now its ON!! Bobby throws himself on the floor and kicks his feet, screaming inaudible words that send a chill down the spine of his mother. “O.K. O.K. put it in the cart and lets go.”
Now that that crisis is over, Mom has a moment to realize that her three year old is not with Bobby and now the search is on. She heads to the toy isle hoping beyond hope that Julia had been so intrigued by some toy that she stayed where she was. Intrigued she was, but not by toys. Mom turned the corner to find her lovely little three year old covered in baby shampoo and cue-tips, which happened to be on a shelf across the isle from the toys. Quickly, Mom scoops up her bubbly mess who begins to cry because, no matter what they say, baby shampoo in quantity, is not tearless!
Angry and embarrassed, Mom puts both of the other children in the back of her cart, hurries to get the bread that she had come for and takes it through the check out, careful not to make eye contact with any other human being in the store.
When she finally gets them in the car and closes the door, she begins to yell at them about how naughty they were and she goes on and on until they get home. She is angry and frustrated and really doesn’t want to spend anymore time with them so they get fed and put in front of the TV while she busies herself in another part of the house.

Scenario #2 Mom and three children (5,3,and 1) are on their way home from their kindergarten pick up. They too need to pick up groceries on the way home. Mom turns the radio down and tells the children “We need to stop at the store on our way home so I want you to be good and make wise choices. John, I need you to make sure you hold onto the cart and help me put some things inside. Nick, your going to ride in the back and make sure you sit down so we can hand you the bread and Noel will ride in the front. We will not be buying anything but bread today so don’t ask mommy for anything. O.K.?” There is a resounding “Yes, Mommy”. Even Noel responded with a grunt while sucking her thumb. She just wants to be like her bigger brother and sister.
This family goes through the grocery store with no incident. When they get back in the car, Mom tells the kids what a good job they did and thanks them. They go home and have a pleasant afternoon together.


I’m sure I don’t need to ask which scenario is more desirable. But how many of us have had the first scene play out in one way or another? What made the difference? The answer seems so simple and in reality it is simple. But for some reason, we would choose to leave the radio on until we got to the store and just go right in without even giving the kids a clue about how to behave. How are our children going to know what is expected of them if we don’t tell them? The answer is “they won’t!!”

First of all, just so you know, senario #1 is completely fictional and I will not be throwing anybody "under the bus" on this one. But I think there are probably a few of you out there wondering if you had ever told me that story. Rest assured, I made it up by my-whole-self. (As my children say).

Training is an absolute in our family. We have conversations with our children everytime we are going somewhere public. Partly because, eventhough we have said the same thing many times before, there is some small child who will be hearing it for the first time. But also because the ones who have heard it need to be reminded. We don't want them to fail for lack of information. In other words, we don't want to hear the words, "But I didn't know I wasn't supposed to get down and chase my sister around the table at the restaurant."

On one occasion, we walked into a restaurant to have dinner. There was an older couple waiting to be seated who, upon seeing us, went to the hostess and had a "conversation". At the time we didn't really know what it was about, but we had a feeling it involved be seated away from us. As it turned out, that couple came to us after dinner and proceeded to tell us that when they saw us come in, they asked the hostess for a table far from where we were going to be seated. The hostess sat them on the other side of the room next to a family of four. They told us that all through dinner while the two children next to them were running around, crying, fighting etc. they were noticing how calm and quiet our table was and what well-behaved children we had. They actually told us they had made a mistake and apologized for judging us before we had even sat down. We thanked them for noticing and thanked our children for being good and making wise choices. God tells us that our children are a blessing from Him. If it doesn't feel like it, maybe its time to do a little training and let them bless you as ours did that night.

My encouragement to you is that you have those conversations ahead of time. If you need to, practice at home before you go. For instance, if they are running away from you in public, train them at home. Play the "touch that" game. Sit in the kitchen and tell them you're going to play the "touch that" game. Then tell them to put their hand on the refrigerator. Praise them when they obey. Then tell them to put their foot on the dishwasher. Praise them when they obey. Continue this for awhile then explain to them that when you go to the store you're going to play this game at the car. Even go out and practice at the car. "Touch the tire with your foot, touch the door with your elbow". You get the picture. Now they are happy because they are playing a game (after all when they are running away from you, in their minds they are playing "tag", right?). Now they are playing YOUR game!! This concept can be applied to so many different I could never list them all.

Be creative. Think about something right now that you are having a hard time with and figure out a way to train them to make the right choices. Its really not hard and when you have success, (and you WILL have success) chose the next thing and watch how much they delight in your smile! All it takes is a little training. Have a great day!!!

Trina

I will faithfully pray for him

Our daughters had an interesting conversation recently that was relayed to me by a faithful friend. Three of our daughters (Madison 13, Moriah 12, and Hannah almost 11) were at their friends house for a little Christmas gathering. They had been watching "The Nativity" and were having a conversation about how young Mary was when she gave birth to Jesus and married Joseph. The topic then changed to arranged marriages and would it be Ok if their dad picked the man they were to marry. My girls and the daughter of my friend all agreed they would be happy with that because they knew their dads loved them and only wanted the best for them. Of course we have no plans to arrange their marriages, but it was nice to know they trusted their dads to make that decision for them. They soon began to talk about their own weddings and of course they all shared what their weddings will be like. At some point, Madison said to everyone that she knew exactly who she was going to marry. Of course everyone in the room (and out of the room, thanks Tamera) waited with baited breath for her to reveal this juicy piece of information. Without hesitation she said "I'm going to marry someone exactly like my dad". This faithful friend told me that the girls had no idea she was listening and that Madison's comment was completely unsolicited.

As my friend told me this story, tears fell. I was unprepared for the flood of emotions. I was instantly struck with an urgency to be on my knees in prayer for my husband. I pray for him regularly for the usual things like work, financial stress, health; stuff like that. But this is a whole different thing. I know that it is normal for little girls to love their daddys and even talk about marrying them, but when a thirteen year old girl still looks at her daddy and knows that someday, the man she marrys will be just like him, the magnitude of the role he plays in her life goes off the chart.

In the midst of the mass of Christmas greetings on this desk are three precious pictures. They stand out to me right now because all three families have only daughters. Precious little girls who are looking to their daddys to be an example. Pray for those daddys and the priviledge they have to be the object of such affection.

I am blessed to have a husband who understands the weight of his responsibility. He knows he holds his daughters' affection until they meet the one God has chosen to be their husband. I am sure he wouldn't have it any other way. So I will faithfully pray for him.

Be Blessed,

Trina

Maintaining My Sanity

There are a few questions that I have heard more than once in the last couple of weeks: How do you maintain your sanity and how do you manage to have a quiet time in the midst of everyday life? These are very good questions and I have to admit that on some days I don't do either very well. After all, no body's perfect. Right?

To answer the first question though, in order to maintain my sanity one must imply that I had my sanity to begin with. That depends on how one would define sanity. If sanity means I can remember my own name; I'm sane. If it means I can remember my child's name while he's standing right in front of me; Not so much. If it means I can teach simple addition and subtraction facts; I'm good. If it means I can remember that the Pythagorean theorem is that the square drawn on the hypotenuse of a right triangle has the same area as the sum of the square drawn on the other two sides; . . . huh? If being sane means I can tie my own shoes; I am. If it means I can find shoes for all my kids; Nope. So you see my dilemma? In my world I feel completely sane. If you were to step into my world for a moment, you might not have the same answer.

I do understand the heart of that question and my answer to that is: I do one thing at a time. OK maybe two or three things . . . OK sometimes four things, but never five. I never do five things at once. . . .I guess I don't have a great answer to that question. Let's move on to the next one. I do have an answer for that.

How do I have a "quiet time" everyday? I don't. Before you judge me too harshly, let me explain. I learned sometime back when I had lots of little ones and I was feeling like the great "need-meeter" that if I was going to survive, I needed to maintain my relationship with Christ. I tried to get up early. After all this is what everyone was teaching; that if you didn't start the day with a minimum of three hours of praying and worship and reading the Word and more praying and worship and meditation, that there was NO possibility for growth. OK, that's not really what they taught, but it might of well have been. In my little world at home, I could not make that work. No matter how early I got up, even if my feet didn't hit the floor, at least one of my children would wake up. And then inevitably, I would start the day resenting the fact that my children were "hindering" my walk with the Lord and THAT is never good. So I changed my game plan. I made sure that I was always involved in a bible study somewhere. Then at least I was getting something from The Word at least once or twice a week. (church counts, too.) This also motivated me to get my study done. So I would try to do my study during nap time or during any other quiet moment the day would offer me. I figured out that if I left my bible and my study open on the kitchen counter, I could do one question at a time and eventually get the whole study done in time for the meeting. This led me to have an open dialogue with God throughout the day. I am constantly shooting up "arrow" prayers. Like "Lord give me wisdom.", "Help me to be the mommy they need me to be right now"," Lord, please help me not to eat that cookie when there is an apple that would taste just as good and be better for me". Really! I really pray like that and believe that my relationship with Christ is closer now than it has ever been.

As my life has evolved from having many little ones to having bigs and littles, I am finding more of those quiet moments. I don't have nap time anymore, but I do have dentist appointments and piano lessons. I take my life journal and bible study everywhere with me so I can take advantage of those moments.

We have a garden out in the "way back" . Our soil is very sandy. If we turn the water on full blast and leave it on for an hour, the water will go straight through and will be less effective in keeping the plants hydrated than if we turned it on to just a drip and left it on all day. My encouragement to all of you mommies who feel like you are being sucked dry. Turn on the drip system. Let God's word saturate every part of your life. Open your bible and just read a little bit at a time. It will soak in to the very deepest parts of your heart. Don't let Satan convince you that if you can't meet God first thing in the morning with an hour of quiet that you might as well not even try. That's a lie! God knows exactly where you are. He knows how busy you are and how tired you are and how burdened you are and He wants to bear those burdens for you. But there is no way for Him to help if you don't go to Him with those things. It might seem silly to talk to God about what you are eating, but I have had conversations with my close friends about what I eat and wear and do. God wants to be that close to you. Give him the chance!

Be blessed!
Trina

Where is it?

Where is it? I know I left it here somewhere! Its here under my housework and my school work and my finances. . . .Hang on just a second . . . There it is! I found it! . . .Are you wondering what "it" is? Stick with me and you'll understand.

We homeschool our children and up until a few years ago, we were independent of any home school co-op or charter school. Which just means we did what we want when we wanted to. When I taught history, I taught all the kids at the same time. They all had different assignments based on the same time in history. We did the same thing in many of the other subjects.

When our oldest was about to go into highschool we decided that we needed to be affiliated with a charter school that could take care of all of the necessary paperwork and record keeping for college. We chose Sanger Hallmark. They provided all of his curriculum (up until that point we had been buying it on our own), a teacher who met with him at our house for one hour a week, and many other opportunities that we could not afford on our own. (Music, Art, Academic Decathlon . . ) It went really well that year and so, the next year, we decided to enroll all of the other children there as well. That meant I would now have seven children in seven different grades doing seven different subjects. Oh yeah . . . and a 3 year old, and a 7 month old baby. . . . What was I thinking??!?!

Excuse me for a minute while I let the waves of anxiety subside. . . . OK . . . . About two weeks into that year, I found myself completely buried in school work. I literally schooled from 8:30 am straight through into the evening after Dan came home from work. Needless to say, I was struggling.

One evening, I was teaching someone, trying desperately to just finish that days work so we would not have to start the next day in a deficit when Bailey (3 at the time) came in and stood next to my chair. I'm not sure what her initial intentions were, but she quietly said "mommy?". I turned and looked at her and she hesitated. . . then with the honesty only three-year old Bailey could have, she asked "Do you still like me anymore?" It was all I could do to keep myself together long enough to give her the answer she needed. "Of course, Bailey. I love you!"

"Yeah, but I don't think you like me very much." The knife to my heart . . . in and turning! I picked her up and sat her on the table in front of me and asked her why she thought that. Again with the brutal honesty: "Because you don't smile at me anymore." I apologized to her and reassured her that I still liked her, too. Needless to say, I was done teaching for that day. I took Bailey into the kitchen and put her up on the counter and let her help me make the biscuits for dinner. More importantly, I looked Bailey right in hers eyes and smiled and it felt so good. I realized I had lost my smile. It had become so dark in our home and it was my fault! I had made the choice to get bogged down in the amount of work I had to do. I convinced myself that no one should have to do this much work and I knew there was not one person in this world that would argue with me. So why should I have to endure this? Why me? It was the biggest pitty party of all time. Streamers, balloons, cake and ice cream. The Works!!! And I had forced my entire family to be the honored guests. Like it or not!

Could I have been more selfish? I don't think so. Fortunately, Bailey crashed my party. And, now looking back, I think she is the only one who could. I would not have received it as well from anyone else and quite honestly, I don't think anyone else would have said anything. The amazing thing about that whole situation was that a great burden had been lifted. It was as if I had been given permission to smile again. I still had seven students in seven different grades with seven different subjects. I still had a 3 year old, and a 7 month old. We still schooled from morning til night, but I had been given persmission to enjoy it again. I love my children. I enjoy my children. I want them to see the joy in my face when I look at them. They deserve to be enjoyed purely because God created them to be a blessing. Psalms 127:3 says"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, Children are a reward (blessing) from Him."

I am happy to say, that God is faithful. I have been blessed beyond measure with a husband who loves me when I'm searching for my smile. I have children that make me laugh daily and I have a God who chooses to speak with a three-year-old voice.

Now, did you figure out what I was looking for? It was my smile! I found it! And I choose to find it every day! What is hiding your smile? Do you need permission to find it? Permission granted! Now go enjoy your day!!!

Trina