Bear Poo

OK . . . I know it’s been awhile. I hope you will forgive me and not give up on visiting here. Lots of life has happened in the last few months. God continues to be faithful to us and reveal just enough of His plan for us to act on but not enough to scare the wits out of us.

I have been speaking a lot and have had some unforgettable experiences. As I have said before, my passion is to help moms to be able to enjoy their children more. Drawing from my own “what NOT to do” stories, I have been able to encourage many in the direction of loving fellowship with their children. What you probably don’t know is that having the privilege to teach benefits the teacher more than the students. The time I have spent with my own children in fellowship has been unbelievable.

When I speak to a group, I often teach that all the discipline in the world is meaningless if you are not spending time in fellowship. If all you do as a parent is discipline you may have an outwardly obedient child, but inside they will surely be harboring feelings of anger or bitterness. I know that is not what I want for my children, so I am determined to spend more time in fellowship than in correction. Of course, if your child is two there are not enough hours in the day to ensure that fellowship to correction ratio. That’s OK. That stage will end and if you are diligent to train them, they will emerge as an enjoyable three-year-old.

So what is fellowship? I’m not sure exactly what it will look like for you, but I know that it includes laughing until you cry, talking until you are hoarse, and smiling right into their souls! Sometimes it is planned and many times it is spontaneous. Sometimes it is one-on-one and other times it is ten-on-one. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that they see and feel me enjoy them for who God made them to be.

We recently went up to the mountains to visit with family. After all of the festivities had ended, Dan and I took our children out on a Geocaching adventure. Geocaching is like a worldwide treasure hunt. The treasures are called caches and they are hidden all over the world. You go on the internet (www.geocaching.com) and type in your address or coordinates. The computer will then show you all of the caches in your area. You type into your GPS (if you have one) the longitude and latitude of the various caches and your GPS will guide you to the treasure. It is usually a box of varying size with little toys inside. The idea is that you take a toy, leave a toy and sign the log. That day, we found one on a mountain top hidden by the “lone pine”. The view was amazing! We found another one at the local burger place and another on the side of the road hidden in a street sign.

It was starting to get towards dinner time and the little ones were getting hungry, so we made our way back to the cabin. When we got there Dan said he would watch the younger ones so that I could take the older ones to find some more caches. (My husband is awesome!!) He didn’t have to ask me twice (I love geocaching) I set out with Trevor (16), Madison (14), Moriah (13), Hannah (11), Hudson (10) and Payton (8). We got in the van a drove as far as we could in the direction of this treasure. The paved road ended and was blocked by a fence so we got out and started walking. The sun had gone down but there was still enough light to see clearly where we were going. I made a comment to the kids that I thought was hilarious: “This is just like those stories you hear where someone says “My family went geocaching and I never saw them again””. My older kids thought it was funny too, but my two younger boys said, “Mom, that’s not funny!!!” We walked along the path for a little while talking as we went. Trevor and Hudson were walking ahead holding the GPS so all the rest of us had to do was follow them until we got close enough to look for the cache.

Suddenly I heard Trevor say “Oh, Crud!!” I looked up just as Hudson started to scream and run in my direction. I saw what he thought was a wolf (really a dog that I have to admit startled me at first with its wolf-like appearance). Just as I noticed the dog tag around his neck Hudson had reached Payton (who had fallen behind a little) and now joined Hudson in his screaming panic party. In an attempt not to upset the dog anymore, I told Hudson and Payton to be quiet. Of course I might not have said it with those words, but I got my point across. The dog stopped in his tracks. . . looked at all of us who were stopped in our tracks . . . looked behind him . . . and then walked right by us like we weren’t even there. I looked back at Hudson and Payton who were trembling and said, “OK. Let’s go!” All of the other kids were ready to keep going, while Hudson and Payton were begging to go home. I knew that I needed to encourage them to be brave because this would more than likely be an adventure that they would want to tell Dad about. I convinced them that the dog belonged to someone and that we weren’t in any danger. After all, what kind of mother would I be if I lead them into peril? They didn’t believe me. They started talking about all of the wild animals that lived in the forest and that bears had been sited in the area recently (last summer) and there could be mountain lions and cougars and Lion and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!!!

As any mother would have done, I continued in search of our cache. Oh, yeah . . . and did I mention it was getting dark? We came to a fork in the road where the GPS couldn’t decide which direction to send us. As we stood there while Trevor waited for it to make up its mind, Hudson and Payton got more and more nervous. They were glued to my sides, still discussing the wildlife, accept now Trevor was involved. Hudson said adamantly, ”There are NO bears here!”
To which Trevor replied, “Yes there are. Look over there is bear poo.”
We all went closer to the suspicious pile on the ground. On closer examination (not too close) it did indeed look like a pile of poo belonging to a very large animal. (bigger than a cow pie) Hudson rushed up to the pile determined to prove he was right and said, “This is NOT bear poo!!!” as he picked up the pile and threw in back to the ground. Fortunately, it was an old “specimen” and it just turned to dust. I think Hudson expected it to be a big piece of wood so when it didn’t react the way a piece of wood would react when thrown, he decided it was definitely time to go home.

Because I have keen negotiating skills, I was able to convince him to stick with the rest of us and he would be OK. The bear that was responsible for that pile was gone by now. Somehow, the thought of walking back to the van by himself or even with Payton who was more than willing to go back with him, was not appealing and he stayed with us.

Unfortunately, this story will have to be continued because it eventually did get too dark for us to see. We did find a shovel that we assume was to be used to dig up the cache, so we are all very excited to go back hopefully before the first snowfall.

Hudson and Payton recovered and even slept in their own beds that night. They talk about that adventure fondly and even with a little bit of pride. They are looking forward to the next time we go up to the mountains so we can continue the hunt and come home with the prize.

That, my friends, is fellowship! Are you ready for it? Are you willing to be creative, to think outside the box? It doesn’t have to be geocaching. It could be making mud in the back yard. It could be making cookies in the kitchen. It could be building a tree house or maybe a gingerbread house, planting a garden or even going shopping. Your children are a gift from the Lord and they deserve to be enjoyed!! Isn’t that what gifts are for?

Enjoy!!
Trina

A Strange Feeling

Today was our first day back at school. I have been spending the last couple of weeks planning and organizing and arranging to prepare for this day. Even with all of that preparation, there was something unexpected. For the first time since we started schooling the children, 12 years ago, Jordan was not involved. He spent his day packing all his stuff to go away to school. Every once in awhile he would pop his head in and ask if I knew where something was or ask if I needed someone to make lunch or sometimes just stand there with nothing to say. I can’t really put my finger on it, but it was a strange feeling. I guess I’m realizing the enormity of this change that is about to occur in our family. I’m not sad that he is leaving although I will certainly miss him. That’s for sure. I am not nervous about sending him away. I am confident that he will make wise choices and I will pray to that end daily. I am excited for him to be challenged academically. I am excited for him to get out on his own and be independent. I am excited to see how God is going to use him to further His kingdom.

So why does it feel so strange? Starting Saturday, the face of our family will change forever. It has changed ten times before when we left to go to the hospital and came home with another precious little face. I guess we have grown accustomed to that kind of change. I remember having a conversation with Dan when I was 9 months pregnant with Jordan. We talked about the fact that once we leave for the hospital we won’t come back the same. Two will be three. Then two and a half years later we talked about three becoming four, then four becoming five . . . then eleven becoming twelve and our family was complete. We have fully enjoyed our “wholeness” for 17 months with no regrets, only peace in God’s sovereign will.

Psalms 127: ”Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep. Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth, How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with the enemies in the gate.

God chose to fill Dan’s quiver to capacity with ten arrows. Up until now we have been preparing our children for such a day as this. We have been teaching, training, discipling and loving them according to God’s word. We have made choices for them that were contrary to the philosophies of this world. We have prayed for them and prayed for them and then prayed some more. All of this, in anticipation of the day when we will launch the offensive. (My husband tells me that arrows are an offensive weapon) Saturday is that day!! Jordan has proven himself worthy.

So what is that strange feeling? It’s very similar to the feeling I had when we were anticipating Jordan’s birth. Our family will not be the same when we return from Southern California. We will be leaving one behind, releasing him to do God’s will as it pertains to him. In a sense twelve will become eleven. I am not sad about this . . . maybe a little sentimental . . . but not sad. I am excited. I look forward to the day when he returns with his stories of the “battle field”. He may even come back to live here with us again, but not as our son whom we control; as a man of God with a purpose of his own. Eighteen years ago, I looked into his little face with wonder at what God created and then gave to us, now I look at his whiskered face with wonder at what God is going to do with His amazing creation.

Now dry yours eyes as will I, celebrate with us as we start down a new path and pray for Jordan as the Holy Spirit prompts you.

Trina

Picture Day

Just sharing some pictures!! Now you will have faces to go with all the names. Some close friends of ours came over and took these. Thanks Tovsruds!! If anyone would like their number let me know!!

One Dozen Shorts!

Payton age 7

Hannah age 11

Moriah age 12

Hudson age 10 and

Madison age 14

Trevor age 15

(16 next week)

Jordan age 18

Off to college in 2 weeks

Maximus age 16 mos

Bailey age 6 and

Abigail age 3

Here we are!

Dan and Trina

age . . . unimportant!!!

This is what we did after a hard day of work!!

Amazing memories!! What's not to love?!?

Knee Deep 2

I love my Life!!! Just since I sat down to write I have been asked to admire a beautiful coloring creation by Abigail (3), swaddle a baby doll, and tie some shoes. Then Bailey came in with the masterpiece she had been working on all morning. She set it down on the chair next to me. It was carefully wrapped in one of my kitchen towels. As she slowly unwrapped it I could see the pride and excitement in her eyes. She was consumed by the anticipation of my response. "What a beautiful mud pie!!" I said. She had filled a frisbee with mud of just the right consistancy then arranged leaves on the top and used a lego to make designs on the part of the mud that was not covered with leaves. I got up from the computer right away and took her outside to take her picture. I wanted my response to match her enthusiasm. I asked her to tell me how she made it and where she got the mud and why she chose that dirt and how much water she used. I wanted her to know that the mud pie she had been working on all morning was just as important as the work I was doing on the computer. Right now she is playing happily outside again and I am doing what I need to on the computer.

That situation could have played out in a very different manner. She was the fourth or fifth interruption I had experienced in the five minutes I had been sitting at the computer. She used one of my kitchen towels and it was covered with mud, not to mention she had an entire frisbee full of mud inside my house!! Those are the thoughts I had in the back of my mind as we had this exchange. I guess that goes to show that I am human after all. I just knew that she needed for her work to be appreciated and that was more important than anything I could have been reading or writing.

That has nothing to do with what I sat down to write today, but it's a great start. This is the continuation of my post "Knee Deep". Thanks to the faithfulness of God and the prayers of many, we have been allowed to dwell beneath the shadow of His wings. What an amazing feeling!

Shortly after Dan found out that his company was going out of business and he had lost his job, someone called from church. They told us that the church had a job available. It was part time now with the possibility of full time in the future and he could start right now. Dan went in to talk to the people at church to find out exactly what the job was (Facilities Manager) and what it entailed. He came home that night with lots to talk about. We spent a long time talking and praying about what God had in store for us. Dan was struggling with this decision. His desire was simply to be in the will of God. But part time will not pay the bills. Full time will be closer but will still leave a bit of a deficit. On the other hand, any money coming in is better than no money. So many things to consider.

From the beginning, we have been able to see the fingerprints of God on this situation, so Dan decided he was going to go through the doors that were opened to him. Dan accepted the job at the church. Shortly after he had started, Dan called me from work. He said that he was handed an envelope today. It contained cash and a letter that basically said that while there was a need, we could expect this gift every month. . . There was a long pause. . . Pretty soon Dan said, "Hello? . . .Hello?" I couldn't even speak. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. God is faithful! I already knew that. He has proven it over and over. So why was I surprised? Why does it ever surprise us when God does what he says he will do? I'm not sure what the answer is to that question. I know that there are probably some real deep thinkers that might have an idea. But, for me, I know that I am going to wrap my simple mind around the fact that God is faithful. I will build a monument here that will remind me of what He did for us.

I don't envy Dan's position in our family. He is responsible for so much; financially, spiritually, emotionally. I am thankful that Dan's desire to be a Godly man is what drives him. I know that not all women can say that of their husbands and I consider myself blessed. We are on an adventure but we can't see where we are going. What I need to concentrate on is the scenery. As a close friend of mine says, we are just in the back seat coloring, waiting for the next destination. I will try to resist the temptation to tell God which direction I think He should go. His way is best. Besides, a big arm would reach over the seat and point to the yellow crayon and say "Your picture needs a little more color". So I'm coloring and looking out the window at all of the beautiful scenery. I see beautifully colored pictures, baby dolls sweetly swaddled and even mud pies with leaves and lego imprints. . . THAT is God's will for me.

Trina

In The Mood for a Good Cry?

I have discovered something quite interesting. Women tend to measure the quality of a movie, a song, a message, yes, even a blog, by how many times it makes them cry. . . OK . . . maybe this is not a new piece of information for some of you, but it was for me.



If you are in the mood for a good cry, this may not be the blog for you today. However, if you have cried this week because you have cleaned up poopie underwear 25 times (or, as was the case for me on more than one occasion, chosen just to throw them away). If you cried this week because you visited every restroom from here to Sacramento to ensure dry chonies by the time you got to grandma's house only to find it was not enough and proceed to put on the sixth outfit of the day. Then this is the site for you!!



I have had so many moms asking me recently about potty training that I decided to give it some blogspace. Questions like: How old should they be, how do I start, what technique do I use, what books do I read . . . etc. So here are my .02.

I need to give you some thoughts to ponder before launching an attack on potty training. First of all, every potty training experience will be unique. Don't believe anyone who says boys are super hard and girls are a piece of cake. It depends on the boy and in depends on the girl. I have had both. Also, please, please please, don't compare your child to the other children at playgroup or preschool. I believe that is an unfair burden placed on a very little person. If you let go of those expectations you will find much more success in this endeavor. And one last point: always look ahead. This will be a tiny spec of time compared to the span of their lifetime. I promise, they will not be wearing diapers when the go off to college. (of course there are probably exceptions to that oath, but I have yet to meet one)

So . . .What age is appropriate? That depends on the child. Do they have the language skills to tell you they need to use the potty? My oldest could speak full sentences at 15 months old, he potty trained on his second birthday. My second didn't speak until around 2 and didn't potty train until later. Do they seperate themselves to do the "big jobs"? (Go behind the couch to poop) Also, what other factors are there in your household to contend with? (new baby coming or already there, recent move or a move coming) Seasons matter, as well. It is a lot easier to train in the summer vs. the winter.



OK. Now that I have answered that question with three or four others, and you know exactly which age is appropriate for potty training (wink, wink), we can move on. How do you start? Start by talking about it. Explain ahead of time that on this certain date we are going to buy some big girl/boy underpant and start using the big potty. Personally I don't like using a potty seat only because I don't want to clean it out. After making that decision based on totally selfish reasons I found that it actually helped because I didn't create a dependancy on their "special seat". I have known people who travel with the special "seat" because Junior couldn't use the big potty. Using the big potty does mean, however, that, for a while you will have to help them on and stay with them while they complete their task. I prefer this sacrifce to the fashionable carry along portapotty. (again . . .personal preference . . . no offense intended)



Then on that day, make a big deal out of going to the store and picking out the undies. Bring them home with great pomp and circumstance and proudly put them on the child as if knighting the young lad or crowning the little princess. Take pictures, show daddy and brothers and sisters if there are any. Make them feel special. Then take them to sit on the potty. If they have succuss and are able to make something happen (no matter how small, liquid or solid) reward them with something sweet. (M&Ms, Jelly Beans, Milk Duds) I know some people use stickers because sweets are not good for the children. Again, in my opinion, kids like sweet stuff. One M&M a couple of times a day won't spoil them. If they don't "make it happen" this time show them the reward and tell them what they need to do to get that reward. Now set the timer for 20 or 30 minutes, whichever you think is best, and take them potty when the timer goes off. Reward them only for success. But don't berate them for failure. It's OK they will try again in 30 minutes. Typically my children would get tired of me taking them and start telling me when they had to go. This method is not guaranteed! But it's a start.



There is one very important point that needs to be clarified. Who has control of that little bladder? The child does!! Trust me on this one. I have tried every technique in the book (Figuatively speaking of course. I didn't read any books) I have tried reward, discipline, anger, ignore . . . and I came to one conclusion . . . I cannot control their bladder (unless I scare it out of them) So this is the very critical point that I am trying to make. Don't sweat it!! If they have success . . .yippee!! If they don't tell them "That's OK" put a diaper on and try again in a week or two. It is not worth the trouble in the long run. They will train when they are ready and you will still like them when they are done!

I have always loved my children and always will. I am going to share a time with you when I can honestly say I didn't like them very much and it had everything to do with potty training. I had six children. Ages 8, 6, 4, 3, 2, and 9 months. My three girls were 4,3,and 2. Everyday was a struggle. Everyday was a battle to keep them dry. They were all training at the same time, but not because I had planned it that way. I had been training them all starting at age 2. Which means we had been working on it for two whole years. Two whole excrutiatingly long years. These were the years that I tried everything; candy rewards, sticker charts, discipline, anger, frustration, . . . To no avail. I never thought it would end. I had no foresight. No hope. I'm not sure when it happened, but I finally gave up trying to control their bladders. I just decided that I was not going to sweat it and it would happen when it happened. I decided that my response to their accidents was always going to be an audible "that's OK, let's get you cleaned up" . Mainly to remind myself that it really was OK. Today, they are 14, 12, 11. . . And I'm proud to say they are completely potty trained. . . even through the night! I know, I know, you are amazed!! What can I say. A job well done.

So does it really matter that they weren't trained on their second birthday? Not at all!! They don't even remember that part of their lives (fortunately for me). Will it matter for your little one? No. It might matter for your playgroup mommies. (if it does I suggest another playgroup) It might even matter for the grandparents in which case you can decide on an answer for them. May I suggest: "We're working on it" or "pretty soon" or "Your welcome to try". The harsh reality is it's none of their business. (My apologies to any grandparents out there, but this can be a sensative issue for any young mother and sometimes they need to hear that they know what's best for their children . . . not that you didn't . . .oh, just accept my apology and move on).

Since that crazy time in my life, potty training has been a breeze. I stopped putting so much pressure on myself and on them and to be honest I can't even remember their ages of mastery. It wasn't important. We still make a big deal out of buying the underpants. We still celebrate success. Its fun to see my big boys 15 and 18 get really excited when a trainee goes potty in the big potty for the first time. We have a whole cheering section for such an occassion. I have successfully trained 9 out of ten children even through the night. Max is next, but not for a while. He needs to work on walking first.

I hope this helped. If you have more questions, feel free to email me or leave a comment. I would be happy to help.

Blessings,
Trina

Disclaimer: I realize that there are medical issues that may cause a child to be very delayed in this area. In all my years of parenting and advise-giving I have only met one. If your child is three and not trained don't panic. If they are five and still struggling, it might be worth a trip to the doctor.

Knee-Deep

The news came on Tuesday. I was at home when Dan called from work. I went into my room to take the phone call because I could tell it wasn't good. Dan told me that the company he worked for was closing their doors and everyone was laid off effective immediately. I know this is hard to believe and maybe even a little warped, but my initial reaction was excitement. Right away, I knew this was God's handywork. He was taking us in a new direction and I'm always ready for an adventure. So I was pumped. I got off the phone with him and prayed a little prayer that God would give me wisdom as I gathered the kids for a family meeting. As I walked down the hallway and the children came into view, I got another feeling. One that I didn't anticipate nor did I appreciate! Oh No! . . . How are we going to feed the children? . . .How are we going to pay the bills? . . . How are we going to send Jordan to college?

I went into the family room and told Madison and Hannah to go get the rest of the children; some were outside, some were in their rooms. It took a few minutes for them to gather. That time was just enough for a total sense of panic to set in. I guess you might call it reality. As my thoughts raced from how long the food we had would last to the big graduation party we have planned in a few weeks.

By the time I came out of my thoughts, all of the children were sitting at my feet waiting to here the news that brought us together. I told them that Dad had lost his job today and, to the best of my ability, explained the whole situation. I also told them that we needed to pray for daddy right now. Several hands shot up right away and so we started praying. Up until this point I had been able to hold myself together and keep my "game face". Hudson (9) prayed, Bailey(5) prayed, even Abbey(3) prayed. I was still fine.

Then Jordan prayed. "Father, you know exactly what you are doing. You don't make mistakes. We are going to trust in that and whatever happens we will praise you and give you the glory you deserve. Amen"

I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. But not because of the situation we were in, because my son had to remind me of all that really matters in 40 words or less. Those words are the words that I am choosing to cling to. My reaction should not be one of panic. There is no reason for that. God has been faithful to us on every level and He's not going to stop now. My initial reaction is the one I am going to CHOOSE. I AM excited to see where God is taking us. I AM excited to see the plans God has for Dan. I have always believed God had huge plans for Dan and this is just a step in that direction and I plan on being his biggest cheerleader.

We are entering a new season. I know that things could get rough. We are no strangers to living in want, but I also know to keep my eyes focused on the Lord lest I find myself knee-deep like Peter. My job is to seek Him, cheer for my husband and love on my children. I can do that!!! Keep us in your prayers.

Always Blessed,
Trina

Graduation

There is so much I need to write and so little time. I will write next week, but wanted to update with some pictures. I also added a link to all of our youtube videos. (Jordan's graduation speech is included) Until then, these are pictures of Jordan's graduation. He graduated valedictorian from Hallmark Charter School in Sanger. Honestly, Dan and I are baffled by that fact. He and I barely graduated from highschool and I didn't even know how to spell valedictorian. Yet another guarantee that God exists and has a plan that is bigger than me.!!

Blessings,

Trina

Jordan and Maximus

Seriously!!

Proud doesn't begin to describe how we feel about Jordan.

OK I couldn't help it. I have to write a little something. As we celebrate all that Jordan has accomplished, it would be easy for Dan and I to lose our humility. God knows this and so He makes sure to keep us in check with situations like this one:

I was working with my girls on getting their room REALLY cleaned out when we heard someone yelling. We all went running and this is what we found:

Yes, the toilet was flushed and he got a good scrubbing after we took this picture and a video that's on Youtube.

God knows what His plan is and it's OBVIOUSLY bigger than me!!

Have a great day!!

You just have "good kids"

"You just have good kids". I hear this more often than just about any other comment. So I guess it's time to share the real truth behind what makes our children better that all the other children in the world. Here it is:



We have genetically engineered children that contain GKG, the benopheles adolesiosifent gene; or Good Kid Gene. Exactly 3 days, 12 hours, and 47 seconds after birth, we inject our children with a biogenetically enhanced serum that contains GKG. The enhanced genes then attach themselves to the temperament portion of the DNA strand. At this time we also inject them with the DNA coding for blonde hair and blue eyes. 32 hours later, they experience a sudden change in behavior. The only side effect is a temporary rash on the back of their necks; this lasts for about 2 days. From the moment this rash dissipates the child is essentially vaccinated for all incorrect behavior patterns. My husband and I have been altering and testing our genetic modifications and DNA enhancements for 20 years. In fact, the key rationale responsible for us having 10 children was to test these serums. Thus far, our GKG enhancements and Blue Eye serum have yielded excellent results. However, we have found a few faults in the blonde hair modifications. For instance, in test subject #001479, also known as Jordan, the blonde gene mutation could not resist the chemical imbalances of puberty, and his hair changed to a shade of brown. Not to worry, we found that the solution was to encode the genetic mutation with the substance docilestacene, which defends the hair DNA from altering chemicals. Very few parents have the knowledge of biogenetical enhancements necessary to insert GKG into their offspring. There are a few lucky individuals whose children randomly acquire the GKG, however the chances of this are 1,927,448/1.
Patent Pending!


Watch . . . just like the dishwasher with a garbage disposal in the bottom (which I thought of when I was 12) someday this will really be possible and someone will make millions and it won't be me. For now, to my knowledge, this is not possible. So how does it work? How do we get our children to obey? How are they so "perfect"? The answer is . . . they're not. They all have their moments. Like all the other children in the world, mine were all born with the sin nature, and therefore need to be encouraged to develop a taste for the things of God and not the things of the world. If left to their own devises, they would get everything they wanted and nothing that they needed. ie Candy vs. vegetables.


Part of our responsibility as parents is to determine the difference between needs and wants. My three year old daughter Abigail will come to me and say "Mommy, I NEED a cookie!" Believe me, she can be very convincing. She can tell me why . . . "I'm starving"(she's not), "I didn't get breakfast" (she did), "Bailey got one" (She didn't) . . . She can also be very persistent. She will ask again and again, like somehow each time she asks she is wearing down my mommy Resistance shield. (she's not). Most of the time I don't let her go on and on. We will stop and practice saying "O.K. Mommy" and walking away. Sometimes it takes a few times. It goes something like this:


"Mommy, can I have a cookie?"

"No, Abby, we are going to have lunch soon and you can have a cookie after lunch."

"Please can I have a cookie? I NEED one! I'm staaaaarving"

"Abby, Mommy said "no" what do you need to say?"

"OK Mommy"


And she will turn and walk away. How does she know to do that? We have practiced. We have actually lined everyone up in the family room and asked the youngest child who could speak to ask for a cookie (Bailey, 3 at the time, was the target of this exercise).


"Bailey, ask me for a cookie." I said. Her eyes lit up like it was Christmas and with great anticipation,
"Mommy, can I have a cookie?"
"No, Bailey", was my response. "We don't have any cookies." She was instantly devastated. I was actually surprised by her passion for that cookie. Dan and I then talked to all the kids about our response to disappointment, even if it's just a cookie. We talked about the fact the Dan and I don't say "no" to everything. (Why say "no" when you can say "yes".) We really do try to say "yes" whenever possible. (like mud baths and swimming in January) We explained that when they ask us for something and our response is "no", they need to say "OK Mom" or "Yes mommy" and then walk away with a smile.


So once again I reminded Bailey that we didn't have any cookies in the house and again I told her to ask me for a cookie. Again with the Christmas-like anticipation followed by the passionate devastation. It took about four tries for her to finally understand, but she DID eventually get it. And now it is a blessing to me to hear her say "OK mommy" and watch her walk away with a happy attitude. (She still needs an occasional reminder.)



This is where I usually hear "You must just have good kids". And now is the time that I would love to have some of the people who know Bailey personally testify. They would use words like: feisty, precocious, smart, tough, strong-willed to name a few.


We love all of our children more than anything, and we want for them to grow up to be happy responsible adults who love the Lord with all their hearts. That is our goal. In order for that to happen, they need us to help them know what they want and what they need and what the difference is. So we turn off the TV and get off the computer and we train them. I know training them about cookies seem silly, but training about how to handle disappointment isn't.


I am in a unique position right now. Not because I have ten children, but because I have such a large age range. We are sending our oldest son off to college this year and we couldn't be happier or more excited to do so. He is an amazing young man who loves the Lord. He is compassionate, hard-working and wise beyond his years. He expressed to us his desire to become a pastor when he was 12. He is going to The Master's College in Santa Clarita. For those of you who don't know, that is a private Christian college. . . Did you get that? . . . Private . . . Do you know what that means? . . . $$$$$$$$$. Money that we don't have. And without blinking, he told us he was going to do it without taking out any student loans. Really?!?! . . .My response was: "Good luck with that." (oh ye of little faith) To date, all but $2,700 is paid for and he still has a few scholarships we haven't heard about. Amazing!


So why am I telling you this? Because this is the boy who walked into a doctor's office at age 3 and pushed over the cute little girl who was sitting on the floor. This is the little boy who covered himself with baby powder when he was supposed to be napping. I could go on and on about the trespasses in his life, but I think I've made my point. I have the advantage of being able to see the fruit of training in my older kids and know that what I'm doing with my younger children will yield those same results. For that I have faith!! For those of you who have just little ones, be encouraged. Keep training, be diligent and consistent. My hope for all of you is that you will look at your children someday and feel the pride I do when I look at my son and see what an amazing man he has become.




Here are my "book ends". Jordan is 18 and Maximus is 1.

By the way, Jordan wrote the piece about the GKG. Credit where credit is due!

Blessings,
Trina

Hello . . . . . . is anyone still out there? . . . . Hopefully you will be willing to brush the dust off this blogspot, grab a cup of iced whatever and enjoy!

As the weather warms and gives us a foreshadowing of the lazy days of summer, I can't help but get excited about enjoying those days with my children without the burden of school work and art classes and music classes and youth group. I get excited thinking about playing mud wars in the "way-back", setting up lemonade stands on the corner, swimming at all hours of the day, and sun bathing on the chicken roof drinking pickle juice. ( don't knock it 'til you've tried it!!) I realize that I am not normal. Sadly, I hear many moms talk of their dread for the summer months; the months when their children are home from school and can't seem to find anything to do but sleep, eat and watch TV. I just want to take a few moments to encourage all of you who read this not to miss the opportunity you have this summer to tie strings of fellowship with your children.

Dan and I have spent many hours this past spring preparing and teaching on child training. If you were at any of those classes, you heard us say that all the training in the world is useless if you haven't taken the time to enjoy your children. Yes, it is possible to force obedience and immediate compliance without fellowship, but what you will end up with is a 12 or 13 year old who can't wait to get out of your house of tyranny. Our goal is to bring up children who want to obey because they don't want to break fellowship with us. I don't know any young children who don't long to see a reflection of joy when they look into their mommy and daddy's eyes. What do your children see?

I have to admit that, on a bad day, mine don't always see joy. Sometimes they see my irritation because I have laundry to fold and their needs are getting in my way. Sometimes they see my fatigue because I have been teaching them from early in the morning and its now 5:00 and I haven't made or even thought about dinner. Sometimes they see my stress because the paycheck didn't go as far as we needed it to and we have to figure out which bill is going to go unpaid. I'm sure everyone would agree that these are all legitimate "joy-stealers". No one would argue for a minute that these things are not important. But what do the children think? What do the children see? They see my irritation, but they don't know that it is the laundry I'm irritated with. They see my fatigue, but they don't know its the schoolwork that's tired me out. They see the stress, but they don't know that the root of that stress is financial. All they see is a reflection of irritation, fatigue and stress. On a bad day.

Fortunately, I have grown a lot in my mommyhood and I don't have many "bad days" anymore. In fact I stopped using that language completely. I won't call it a bad day because as long as there are hours left in the day I have a chance to turn it around.

So what do you do when the pile of laundry is taller than your tallest child? You pull it all out into the family room, turn the music up loud and have a laundry folding party!! What do you do when you have been working hard all day and have no idea what to do for dinner? Make PB&J's, throw a blanket down (inside or out) and have a dinner picnic. What do you do when your money is tight? Sit down with your kids and let them help by praying with you and talk about what an honor it is to watch how God will provide your next meal. I promise, He will show you miracles!

Then you watch the miracles that begin to happen in your children. Watch the joy that dances in their eyes because you included them in your life. Watch how they will do things with no other purpose than to please you. And when they get that look of approval or the hug or the "thank you" watch them burst with pride. And then watch it again and again!

Someone sent me an email recently that included this poem:

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by, 'Oh excuse me please' was my reply.

He said, 'Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you.'

We were very polite, this stranger and I. We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal, My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down. 'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said,

'While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you. He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise, you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.'

By this time, I felt very small, And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed; 'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.

'Are these the flowers you picked for me?' He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you. I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'

I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today; I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'

He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway.'

I said, 'Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.'

Convicting, isn't it? It was for me.

Here are my plans for the summer: Play and play hard!! Swim in the pool, wallow in the mud, and drink pickle juice on the chicken roof! Will you join me?

Blessings, Trina

More soon, I promise!!

All it Takes is a Little Training

Scenario # 1: Mom and three children (5, 3 and 1) are on their way home after picking Bobby up after kindergarten. The children are hungry for lunch but mom remembered that they have no bread at home, so they make a quick trip to the grocery store.
They arrive at the store and mom loads kids into the cart. Amy (1) will ride in the front of the cart and Julia (3) will ride in the back. That leaves Bobby on his own to walk beside the cart. As soon as they get inside the store, Bobby takes off to the toy isle as Mom yells to no avail. Julia sees Bobby take off and decides she could negotiate the three foot drop to the floor in order to join her brother in the isle that was calling to her as well. Mom again yells at Julia to sit down, get back in the cart. Julia starts to run and Mom catches her by the arm. Julia lets out a blood curdling scream and Mom immediately lets go. She justifies it in her mind by thinking that maybe she will be able to shop in peace and come retrieve her kids before she heads to the check out stand. After all, its just one thing; bread.
At first her plan works and she makes her way to the bread isle. Before she can load her cart with the bread, she hears the sound of Bobby calling to her “Mom . . .Mom? . . . Mom?!? . . . MOOOOOMMMMM??!!?? She rushes to find him hoping to stop the impending panic attack. She finds him on the cereal isle completely distracted from his momentary fit of despair. As soon as he has his mom in his sights, he starts in: “Mom, can we get this cereal? Mom can I have this one. I want this one.” Mom says, “No, Bobby we are just here to get bread, not cereal.” The tears begin to flow. “Mommy, please, I need this cereal! I never get this cereal I neeeeeeeeed it!!!” Bobby, knowing that all it will take is an increase in decibels, ups the ante. MOMMY!!! PLEEAASE!!. “No Bobby all we need is bread.” Now its ON!! Bobby throws himself on the floor and kicks his feet, screaming inaudible words that send a chill down the spine of his mother. “O.K. O.K. put it in the cart and lets go.”
Now that that crisis is over, Mom has a moment to realize that her three year old is not with Bobby and now the search is on. She heads to the toy isle hoping beyond hope that Julia had been so intrigued by some toy that she stayed where she was. Intrigued she was, but not by toys. Mom turned the corner to find her lovely little three year old covered in baby shampoo and cue-tips, which happened to be on a shelf across the isle from the toys. Quickly, Mom scoops up her bubbly mess who begins to cry because, no matter what they say, baby shampoo in quantity, is not tearless!
Angry and embarrassed, Mom puts both of the other children in the back of her cart, hurries to get the bread that she had come for and takes it through the check out, careful not to make eye contact with any other human being in the store.
When she finally gets them in the car and closes the door, she begins to yell at them about how naughty they were and she goes on and on until they get home. She is angry and frustrated and really doesn’t want to spend anymore time with them so they get fed and put in front of the TV while she busies herself in another part of the house.

Scenario #2 Mom and three children (5,3,and 1) are on their way home from their kindergarten pick up. They too need to pick up groceries on the way home. Mom turns the radio down and tells the children “We need to stop at the store on our way home so I want you to be good and make wise choices. John, I need you to make sure you hold onto the cart and help me put some things inside. Nick, your going to ride in the back and make sure you sit down so we can hand you the bread and Noel will ride in the front. We will not be buying anything but bread today so don’t ask mommy for anything. O.K.?” There is a resounding “Yes, Mommy”. Even Noel responded with a grunt while sucking her thumb. She just wants to be like her bigger brother and sister.
This family goes through the grocery store with no incident. When they get back in the car, Mom tells the kids what a good job they did and thanks them. They go home and have a pleasant afternoon together.


I’m sure I don’t need to ask which scenario is more desirable. But how many of us have had the first scene play out in one way or another? What made the difference? The answer seems so simple and in reality it is simple. But for some reason, we would choose to leave the radio on until we got to the store and just go right in without even giving the kids a clue about how to behave. How are our children going to know what is expected of them if we don’t tell them? The answer is “they won’t!!”

First of all, just so you know, senario #1 is completely fictional and I will not be throwing anybody "under the bus" on this one. But I think there are probably a few of you out there wondering if you had ever told me that story. Rest assured, I made it up by my-whole-self. (As my children say).

Training is an absolute in our family. We have conversations with our children everytime we are going somewhere public. Partly because, eventhough we have said the same thing many times before, there is some small child who will be hearing it for the first time. But also because the ones who have heard it need to be reminded. We don't want them to fail for lack of information. In other words, we don't want to hear the words, "But I didn't know I wasn't supposed to get down and chase my sister around the table at the restaurant."

On one occasion, we walked into a restaurant to have dinner. There was an older couple waiting to be seated who, upon seeing us, went to the hostess and had a "conversation". At the time we didn't really know what it was about, but we had a feeling it involved be seated away from us. As it turned out, that couple came to us after dinner and proceeded to tell us that when they saw us come in, they asked the hostess for a table far from where we were going to be seated. The hostess sat them on the other side of the room next to a family of four. They told us that all through dinner while the two children next to them were running around, crying, fighting etc. they were noticing how calm and quiet our table was and what well-behaved children we had. They actually told us they had made a mistake and apologized for judging us before we had even sat down. We thanked them for noticing and thanked our children for being good and making wise choices. God tells us that our children are a blessing from Him. If it doesn't feel like it, maybe its time to do a little training and let them bless you as ours did that night.

My encouragement to you is that you have those conversations ahead of time. If you need to, practice at home before you go. For instance, if they are running away from you in public, train them at home. Play the "touch that" game. Sit in the kitchen and tell them you're going to play the "touch that" game. Then tell them to put their hand on the refrigerator. Praise them when they obey. Then tell them to put their foot on the dishwasher. Praise them when they obey. Continue this for awhile then explain to them that when you go to the store you're going to play this game at the car. Even go out and practice at the car. "Touch the tire with your foot, touch the door with your elbow". You get the picture. Now they are happy because they are playing a game (after all when they are running away from you, in their minds they are playing "tag", right?). Now they are playing YOUR game!! This concept can be applied to so many different I could never list them all.

Be creative. Think about something right now that you are having a hard time with and figure out a way to train them to make the right choices. Its really not hard and when you have success, (and you WILL have success) chose the next thing and watch how much they delight in your smile! All it takes is a little training. Have a great day!!!

Trina